Dear X,
I read a theory that when you die, God doesn't judge you, but the person who you've hurt worst does. I wonder who I'd see. Most definitely either Tate or Ethan. I even had a dream about this when I took a nap in Science class earlier. It was Tate who was judging me. He was himself at first, calm and collected, but soon enough he started yelling at me. 'You told me that I was the reason you cut! You made me feel like I didn't belong, like I was nothing! You lied to me, you said I didn't give a shit but I did, I cared so damn much!' I told him how he still means everything to me, but it didn't work. I went to Hell. I don't think he would really do that. He can be a really nice person like when he's with little kids or is in a good mood. He really is a good person, I truly believe that. I know I'd judge him, and I'd send him to heaven no matter what because I still think he deserves the world. I talk about him like he put the stars in the sky but really he mostly put me in pain.
I wonder who judged you, X. You were always a good person, right? I always admired you for that. I know it wouldn't be myself, you were really good to me before you died. I don't think anyone would send you to Hell. You deserve more.
I was crying when I went to school this morning but I went straight to the bathroom so I could make it look like I wasn't. Madi could tell something was wrong when I didn't speak to her on our way to my locker. She hugged me and said, 'Don't worry about it. Everything will be okay, nothing bad will happen. You'll be all right, I promise. Everything is fine. Don't worry, you'll be okay.' I don't know why, but it seemed like it would be okay. I ended up getting a 100% on the quiz I thought I'd fail, I didn't have to do shit in PE, and nobody put me down. I love Madi. I love her a lot. With her, everything really does feel like it's going to be...okay. Everything will work out, nothing bad will happen. I don't want to leave her.
-Casely
