Dear X,
Well, Easter wasn't as shitty as expected. It wasn't much better, but still. I spent most of my time with my sister but she didn't stay for much longer than an hour and a half. I like spending time with her, but she doesn't really like anyone else in the family. I don't blame her, I've only learned to put up with them. I still can't go a day without yelling at my mom, but locking myself up in my room seems to be my best option for the time being, just as it has been for the past few years. My parents didn't talk to my sister because the last time they were at our house they talked about me moving in with them. I don't know what exactly happened because they made me go downstairs, but my sister was pissed and I didn't get to leave with them.
My birthday is in exactly one week and I-once again-refuse to celebrate it. My mother always wondered why I never wanted to do anything for my birthday and I tried telling her 'It's because I don't want to grow up' but she'd never listen. I don't want to grow up, but like I've told you before I was forced to early. My sister left in 2009, also know as the year when everything started. Back to the original statement: my birthday is in exactly one week and I really don't want it to happen. I don't really like when people remind me that I'm getting older, but I feel a little let down when they don't know its my birthday. I know it's not a big deal, but it sorta lets me know who really knows me. I'm not sure if Alex knows, but I hope he does.
I'm really tired but I can't bring myself to sleep because then I'll have to wake up and I don't want that. We don't have any pills that can kill someone, only ones that will cause organ failure and a lot of pain no where near death. Besides, I decided long ago that I'm going to die by hanging. On the other hand, it's easier to not go back on pills. I get a lot of satisfaction imagining my mother's face when she finds my dead body. A noose will make it obvious, she wouldn't be able to tell right away with pills. I really hope that bitch burns in hell, taking my douchebag father with her. I read a quote that said "You have to go through the worst to get the best." I really hope this is the worst because I can't take much more of this. I just want to sleep forever.
-Casely
