Dear X,
Tomorrow is Easter and my sister is actually coming. I'm excited to see her and her boyfriend but I'm not looking forward to the rest of my family judging them. They almost comment that they look drunk or stoned or like they're homeless. I've been to their new house and it's actually really nice, so I don't see why they'd think that. They'd never show up drunk, not with me and the girls there. Sure, they might be stoned but they don't act like people normally do when they're high. They just seem relaxed, calm, and okay. They don't smell like weed because the smell always goes away in the car with the windows down. When I was younger I used to love to smell my sister because of the smoke that would stay on her clothes. She always told me it was perfume and who was I to know better? When I went to her house for the first time last summer they passed around the bong and it smelled familiar, which is how she told me all this. I can't see why my family judges them, they're good people.
Why can't people just accept others? Someone likes classical music. Okay. Someone likes to wear what they want and it's a little revealing. Okay. Someone likes something you don't like. Okay. I really hate other people a lot and judge others, but deep down I don't really care what you've been through or who you are. I'll still like you, which I think is cool. I'm not perfect, I often find myself making fun of people on the inside but then realize that I wouldn't want them to do that to me. Although normally it doesn't have an effect on my overall opinion of someone, I feel as if focusing on their smallest flaws will make me think that they're awful people. That's how you get over someone, after all. You focus on their faults-even if you're in love with them-and simply how it pisses you off when other people do it. It's working pretty well for me, it's been 3 months and I'm better. Not entirely, but I don't feel as if I need that asshole. I'm not doing better with my mood.
They still change dramatically, my emotions, but one set is definitely more dominant. They're not positive, happy, and enlightening; they're negative, depressing, and aggressive. I spent today with my cousins and one threw a tantrum. Her mother was calm and waited for her to cry herself to exhaustion while I was 3 feet away trying not to scream at her and slap her. I know if it came down to it I wouldn't have the guts to do it, but sometimes they just piss me off. They have a wonderful mother with a lot of patience, I'd love for her to be my mom. When she drops me off for school she always says 'Have a good day, love ya' and it sounds like she means it more than my actual mother. I don't know how she does it, then again she's always been the kind one in the family.
I'm dreading tomorrow more than ever, my parents are almost home and I don't want them to be. I like being alone, but I don't like being lonely. If you don't understand it's okay, X. But I can assure that there is a difference.
-Casely
