Dear X,
I lied. Yesterday was not a good day. Yesterday was shit. 3 weeks, 5 days. It's been that long since I've cut. I don't think I'll be able to go much longer. A month without self mutilation is a long time. I have so many responsibilities but they all require going outside and talking to people and getting stuff done and I don't like it, dammit. I need to stop talking to people because they only end up hurting me. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I don't like being around strangers or too many all the time. I'd rather stay in my room with Alex so we could nap and play video games and watch movies. No one knows about him yet-assuming he's kept his part of the deal-which is good. I'm just not sure about him. I'd ask Tate for his opinion but part of the deal is not telling anyone, so that's out. I wish I could confide in you, X. I wish you could reply.
Before yesterday it had been about a week since I had last fought with my parents. My dad got mad again and grabbed my arm. He was dragging me to my room and he gripped it too tight. There's only one or two small bruises so no one should notice them, however they are forming rather fast. No one ever does notice them, so I should be okay. I saw a deep cut on one of my friends' arms yesterday. It's been there for almost two weeks. I feel like shit. I didn't notice it had happened. I should've done something when I saw it. I should've tried harder to take her blades. I can't do anything right.
Parker asked if I was okay again today. I didn't answer. I'd rather not lie to him, I've done enough to him. I shouldn't have started talking to him. Not because I don't like him, but because I feel bad for him, having to worry about stupid me and petty problems all the time. If I do end up cutting tonight I apologize. I'll tell you if I do, I promise. I just don't know where. I'm going to the pool again next weekend so that gets rid of my stomach, wrists, hips, and thighs. I think last weekend my friend noticed them.
-Casely
