I'm outside of Sofi's house, hiding on the big wall of their gate. Shivering to the cold that wind throwing as mad rain continues dropping from the above. People who are passing can't stop glancing in my direction. Nagtatakha siguro sila kung bakit ako naroroon at hindi pumapasok sa loob.
It's raining so hard today, kung minamalas ka nga naman and I'm waiting for Sofi to come out inside her house. I didn't inform her because I want to say sorry personally, more about surprising her by showing up to her unexpectedly. But the cowardness inside me awaken the moment I see her shadow roaming inside her house and she was swamped today which made me hide and compact myself beside this wall.
My plan was to fix the mess I've caused last Sunday. I don't wanna make excuses that I just got triggered. I just wanna say sorry directly and if she doesn't like me to give her forgiveness then, fine!
Napag-isip isip ko na, I shouldn't force anyone-anymore. If people by my side want it, then so be it. But not to the point I'll be tolerating the wrong doings especially kung may natatapakan ng tao.
Naghintay pa ako ng kaunting oras. Sobrang nagangatog na ako at basang basa na rin ang damit ko. I'm stuck between holding the doorbell or just go home with an empty hand and come back again. Pero may kung ano sa sistema ko na ayaw akong paalisin.
Muli akong sumilip sa mailiit na espasyong mayroon ang gate nila upang tingnan siya sa bintana. Napakunot ang noo ako sa nahagip ng mata ko. There's a one guy standing next to her, nakatalikod iyon pero alam na alam ko ang tindigan niya. And another girl on her left side. Nagtatawanan sila!
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kirot. Senrid, Diane and Sofi were together and they didn't bother to invite me. Natatawa ako habang hindi makapaniwala. Parang biglang nawala yung lamig na naramdaman ko at napalitan ng inis. Naikuyom ko rin ang mga kamao.
I chatted the girl saying I'm feeling sorry for what I did pero sineseen lang ako. At heto sila makikita kong magkakasama. Kaya pala mukhang busy siya at hindi maka-alis sa looban nila. She has visitors!
Hindi ko na namalayan ang luhang sabay na bumabagsak sa pagpatak ng butil ng ulan sa mukha ko. Ni hindi man lang ako sinabihan ni Diane. Nakakasama ng kalooban.
Masama ang loob kong nilisan ang harapan ng bahay ni Sofi. Pagdating sa bahay ay kaagad akong nag-anlaw atsaka nagmukmok sa kwarto.
Pakiramdam ko ngayon ay pinagdadamutan ako ng maykapal. Naiinis ako! Gigil kong sinipa sipa ang kumot ko palayo sakin.
"Nakakainis! Edi magkasama kayong lahat!" Bulyaw ko. Inis kong hinaplos ang buhok at lalong nainis nang makitang may nalagas na maraming buhok.
Agad akong bumaba ng kwarto at humanap ng gunting sa kusina. Bwisit ka ha! Nang makanap ay padabog kong tinungo ang pintuan ng C.R atsaka masamang tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin na namumula sa inis.
My eyes were full of anger, envy, and sadness! Muli ay tumulo ang luha dahan dahan sa pisngi ko. I'll cut my hair shorter today! I was about to cut the hair above my ear when someone interrupted me. Someone knocked on C.R's door kaya galit kong binuksan ito.
Namilog ang mata ko nang makita ang presenya ni Frank! Hindi parin sya nakakauwi sa kanila. Parehas kaming natigilan, kumunot ang noo niya sa hawak ko na agad kong nabitawan.
"W-what are you doing?" Galit niyang sambit.
Naratanta naman ako bigla dahil sa galit nyang reaksyon. All of my life, having him in my side ay ngayon ko pa nakita ang galit na galit niyang reaksyon.
"A-re you t-trying to harm yourself?" His voice is stuttering uttering the words. Walang lumalabas na boses sa bibig ko. Napailing ako.
"H-hi―"
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