Best Friends Last Forever ✔️

Part 25: Time for change

slight TW

The next morning, she decided that it was time for a change. When she was about to get ready for work she spotted a scissor in the cabinet of her bathroom. She carefully took the scissor and thought about it. She had never had short hair before. She had always let it grow. As she looked at herself in the mirror she begun to cut. About 20 minutes later she was done. She inspected herself and felt the tips of her hair. It felt good. And honestly, she looked good with short hair. With a slight smile on her face she cleaned up the room, got dressed and drove the kids to school before making her way to the hospital. Andrew wouldn't work today since he took a day off to show the city to his sister and her girlfriend and she would only see him when he would come over tonight to stay at her place for the rest of the week.

Since she was still mad at Amelia, Maggie wouldn't be suspicious if Meredith skipped breakfast to avoid her. So she had a perfect excuse not to eat something. As soon as she got to the lab she took an empty notebook and started to write down what she ate the day before as well as the calories. She thought it would help her to control her eating habits and weight if she would have a better overview over what she ate. 'I am not doing this to get thinner and lose weight because I think I'm fat, I'm just doing this to have control over something. And as soon as this feeling disappears I will stop. I won't let it go too far.' She reassured herself as she closed the book and let it slip into her pocket before she dedicated her attention back on the trial.

They didn't do much progress but since she only had one short surgery at noon she would spend the whole day on getting some results. The problem was, since Jo was moving to New York with Alex and already quitted to start packing the day before, Andrew and her where the only ones left to work on the trial. But he had the day off so she was alone in the lab. It somehow was really relaxing to work in complete silence with no one disturbing her. The only thing that still distracted her were the memories. The memories of what happened the last time she was here when Amelia yelled at her and accused her of avoiding Andrew. She couldn't stop thinking about what was said.

She never had a problem with overthinking in her life before. Normally she wasn't self-conscious and always stood up for herself. But now she realised how the overthinking got more and more present in her life. When Andrew was still in Italy she couldn't stop but feeling bad about her emotional breakdown. Somehow she knew that she had a right to feel something and she had a right to cry, especially since she just had a miscarriage but at the same time she felt guilty for making him worry about her while he was coping with the death of his mother. It had been almost two weeks and she still couldn't stop regretting that she let her emotions become best of her. The same with her fight with Amelia. Even if she knew that Amelia had no right to yell at her about something she didn't get a say in but she felt bad about yelling back. Even if Amelia was the one who started the fight and Meredith knew she was right.

Somehow she couldn't stop feeling like everyone hated her. She didn't know why because she knew that this was not the case but she couldn't stop. She never was a shy person, so how did that part of her had become so dominant.

She felt like she had no control over her emotions and she hoped that the controlling of her eating habits would help her to get back to normal.

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"He- you cut your hair" Andrew said as she opened him the door that evening. "I did" she said nervously, scared about his reaction. "Why did you do that" he chuckled as he placed his bag on the floor. "I thought it would be time for a change" she replied as she looked at her hands. "You look beautiful with short hair; it suits you" he said as he softly lifted up her chin to kiss her.

"Hey, dinner is ready, do you want to join us?" Maggie said as her head suddenly appeared around the corner. "Sure" Andrew replied as he took Meredith's hand in his and led her into the kitchen where the two of them where faced with a full room: Amelia, Link, Winston, Maggie, Zola, Bailey and Ellis where already seated. "I didn't know we would be so many people tonight", he added as he sat down in between Meredith and Bailey. "Hey little man" Andrew said as Bailey stick out his fist for a fist bump which made Meredith smile brightly.

As Maggie begun to place the plates with food on the table Meredith suddenly felt fear spread inside of her. There were so many people, maybe no one will notice if she didn't eat so much. She had a plan. She would take less then normally, only a small amount of food, but she would eat it very slowly so that she would finish at the same time as the others. Since Andrew was distracted by Bailey, who told him about a new dinosaur he had gotten for his birthday, he wouldn't notice that she barley ate anything.

"Are you two engaged?!" Maggie exclaimed loudly as she spotted the ring on Meredith's finger as she drank a sip of her water. "N-no" Meredith replied quickly and let her left hand disappear under the table. "We're not engaged, it's just a promise ring" Andrew said with a bright smile. "Are you going to get married now?" Ellis asked interested. "No, we're not going to get married Ellie" Meredith chuckled slightly. Instantly regretting what she said she fell completely mute for the rest of the dinner. She was suddenly scared that Andrew could think she meant that they would never get married, even if she didn't mean that. She just wanted to explain her kids that she wasn't going to get married so soon after their dad just died three years ago. All of a sudden she was scared that he would be mad at her and probably leave her now. 'No this is crazy... right?' she thought to herself as she tried to concentrate on not thinking about Andrew leaving her. At the same time, she was scared to explain it to him because that could make him think she was pathetic. 'Great. What the hell is wrong with me.'

TO BE CONTINUED...