Best Friends Last Forever ✔️

Part 30: Telling the truth

As soon as they got home, Meredith grabbed his hand, let him upstairs and then into the bedroom. "I'll just get changed" she whispered and disappeared into the bathroom. As she came out a few minutes later she was wearing a pair of sweatpants and one of Andrew's pullovers while Andrew had gotten changed into some comfortable clothes as well. They both slipped under the covers as he waited for her to begin. She kept starring at the ceiling before she eventually started to talk.

"After the miscarriage, I couldn't get out of bed the whole week. I think I was depressed which was surprising because... this... wasn't my first miscarriage." She begun as Andrew was shocked of the new information since he didn't know that she had had a miscarriage before. But he decided not to say something, scared that she might stops talking.

"It was during a shooting a few years ago. It happened about half a year before we adopted Zola. Derek was shot and I lost the baby. I think- that what happened... made me remember... but- something about this miscarriage was different from the last one. I know that it's not true but a small part of me begun to think that it was my fault. I don't even know why because back then we wanted- I wanted to get pregnant but now I didn't because it was way too soon. It was just a few days after you went to Italy... and one day later Alex told me that he and Jo would move to New York. I- I have PTSD and- all those things that ever happened... It felt like there was nothing I could control anymore. There was nothing I had control over. Nothing that I could influence. A few other little things just made this feeling stronger and- it didn't go away. Then one day I found a set of scales in the cabinet in the bathroom and I weighted myself. It- turned out that I had lost almost 5 pounds and- somehow it felt good. I-I found something that I had control over so- I s-stopped eating. I could control my weight and I know that this is absolutely stupid because I know what that means."

She took a deep but shaky breath and turned her head to meet Andrew's tear strained face. His eyes glued to hers. "I'm sorry" she said, the tears now forming in her eyes too. "I shouldn't have told you this I- why!! What is wrong with me?!" she suddenly screamed and then started sobbing. Andrew quickly brought her into his arms but right now he couldn't come up with reassuringly words. He just listened to her crying while thinking about what she said.

"Since when- since when am I so insecure I- I just want this to stop" she cried while he held her. "It's... I have this feeling that everyone is judging me. I- everything I do or say... even days later I can't stop thinking about what it could have meant to other people like- like during the dinner... when what I said made me have nightmares for more than a week and honestly- I think you can tell me another million times but I still think that everything I do and say could make you leave me." She finished after they had just laid there in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Okay, then I think I just have to say it another million times because I am never ever going to leave you Mer" Andrew said, rubbing her back carefully as she cuddled deeper into his side.

"You- need help Mer" he said hesitantly, scared that she might get angry again. "I know" she whispered to his surprise, not even protesting anymore. "I- I am going to call my therapist tomorrow. I just want to get some sleep now." She added and he replied: "Okay" and kissed her forehead.

Both of them knew that neither Mer nor Andrew would be able to get some sleep tonight. "I'm sorry, I don't know how this could happen" she then suddenly said, breaking the silence. "It's not your fault Mer and- I'm sorry to say this but- Well... you're probably not ready to admit it yet but I think you have an eating disorder. And you know that, but- no one has control over mental illnesses. They just come out of a sudden. But I'll be with you and help you through this. I promise." He replied quietly, tears still streaming down his face.

"Get some sleep, I'll be here the whole time." He said reassuringly, pulling her as close as possible as she cradled deeper into his chest, relaxing in his warm and comforting hug. She was going to be okay. She had to be. They'll get through this. Together.

TO BE CONTINUED...