Best Friends Last Forever ✔️

Part 41: Life is hard

TW

At home Andrew prepared himself for telling the kids that their mom would stay at the hospital for a few weeks, when they would come home this evening. How do you tell three kids under the age of ten that their mom had an eating disorder and was self-harming?

"Guys, I need to talk to you, could you all come to the living room?" he yelled, as they had been home for a good twenty minutes, and not a minute later all Zola, Bailey and Ellis were sitting on the couch.

"When will mommy be home?" Ellis asked even before Andrew had sat down. "That's actually what I have to talk to you about. Your mommy is a little sick so she's not going to come home for a while. She'll stay at the hospital so that the doctors can take care of her. But I promise you that she will be okay and that she'll come back home as soon as she is feeling better." He explained calmly, having trouble of holding back the tears that were starting to form in his eyes.

"Can we visit her?" Bailey asked. "I'm sorry I don't think so. Your mommy needs to focus on herself and on getting better, but she wants you to know that she loves you all so so much and that she'll miss you the whole time she's gone. She also doesn't want you to worry too much about her okay? She'll be okay and she'll come back home." Andrew continued, looking at all of them alternating.

"But she will come back?" Ellis asked as tears ran down the little girl's cheeks. "Yes she will come back Ellie" Andrew answered, pulling the little girl into his arms while rubbing her back. She reminded him so much of Meredith when she hid her face in his neck while clutching onto him firmly.

Soon Bailey joined them in the cuddling and just a few seconds later he felt Zola's arms around him as well. They stayed like that a little longer until Bailey distanced himself first before asking: "Can we watch a movie? And cuddle?" he asked, his blond hair slightly messy after the hugging.

"Yes of course we can. What do you want to watch?" he asked as Zola sat up again too. He was relieved that they were so understanding. And he loved them. He loved them like they were his own. While Zola and Bailey quietly debated about what they should watch little Ellis stayed in Andrew's arms while he kissed her forehead from time to time and continued to rub her back.

"I miss my mommy" she then whispered with a sad voice which broke his heart. "I know Ellie, I miss her too. But I'm here for you until she comes back okay? You can tell me everything and always come to me when you need a hug or something else okay?" he whispered back in her tiny ear.

"M'kay" she replied, visibly calming down a little, still snuggling up to him. When Zola and Bailey finally decided on a movie they joined them on the couch again, one on each Andrew's left and right. He carefully sat Ellis down on his lap so she could watch the movie too and she immediately cuddled against his chest, fidgeting with his hands.

Just ten minutes in Ellis was already fast asleep in his arms. "I'm going to bring your sister to bed, I will be right back" he said to Zola and Bailey as he stood up, Ellis' head on his shoulder while he carried her upstairs on his hip. He tucked her in and made sure she was warm before he closed the door to her room. He let out a deep and shaky breath. He had to keep himself together. He walked into his and Meredith's bedroom, turning on the light before walking into the bathroom. There were blood sprinkles on the floor. He quickly grabbed a towel, held it under the water in the sink and knelt down to clean up the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks.

When everything was clean again he threw the towel into the basket with the dirty clothes and splashed a hand full of water onto his face to calm down. He took another few deep breaths before making his way downstairs to join Zo and Bails on the couch again.

After two hours the movie was over and he noticed how tired the two kids on both his sides were. "Come on guys time for bed" he whispered, slowly standing up as they did the same, following him upstairs. He made sure they changed and brushed their teeth before he tucked them in as well.

As he got back into the room he and Mer shared he closed the door behind him and looked around. There was nothing he wanted more then to have her here with him right now. He wanted to see her curled up on the left side of the bed, her blond, soft hair spread over her pillow, the smell of lavender in the air and the back of her small frame cuddled up against his chest as he would spoon her. He missed her so much. He really didn't know how he was able to survive all this time without her. She was the love of his life. His everything. And he had no idea how he was supposed to sleep without her. He couldn't. She couldn't. He wondered if she was going to get any sleep at all tonight. Probably not. He knew that it had been the right decision but right now in this moment he wished he hadn't had admit her to the hospital. But it was for her own good. It was her only real chance to get better. She would be okay. They would be okay.

He quickly got ready for bed before he laid down on his side of the bed, starring at the empty spot beside him as he finally allowed himself to break down.

_______________

Meredith hadn't had eaten anything the whole day. She had tried. She had really tried. At breakfast she had sat the trial with the eggs and the bread in front of her and had starred at it for 40 minutes straight before picking up the fork. But something inside her had stopped her from picking something up and bringing it to her mouth. She had given up after about one hour and didn't even bother to try again for lunch or dinner. It was awful. She was a complete failure. She had decided that she needed help. She hadn't had protested when Andrew had admitted her because she knew it was the right decision but they didn't understand that. The nurse that had come to get the food again had just shook her head and rolled her eyes at her. Like she didn't even try but she had. She had tried so hard. But that didn't matter to anyone here. They thought that she was crazy. They thought that she wanted to starve to death or kill herself. But none of this was true. She was a surgeon. She saved lives. She knew that she had to eat to survive. And she had three little kids whom she loved more than anything. And she had Andrew. She finally had the man she had fallen in love with so much time ago. And she loved her job. Her life was perfect. After Cristina had left and Derek died she thought that her life was over but it wasn't. Andrew had given all she thought she had lost back to her. He had saved her. And she didn't want to die. But they didn't understand that. She knew that they were talking about her. She was one of the best surgeons in the country. She had won a Harper Avery. And now she was in psych ward with an eating disorder. No one would ever treat her like a badass surgeon or respect her at all. They would all see her as the broken woman who was self-harming and whom no one should trust.

That was it. It was over. This stupid disease had ruined her life. She had ruined her life. It was her fault she was here. If she hadn't had stopped eating she wouldn't be here. Right now she would give everything to get back and tell someone before all of this would happen. Because now, it was too late. She couldn't eat. She just couldn't. She needed Andrew. She was sure it would be easier if he would be with her. She hoped he would come visit her tomorrow. She was scared that he wouldn't because that would mean that it was too much for him. Too much to deal with.

All she wanted right now was to be in his arms. His strong body protectively behind her when he would spoon her. Keep her warm. Protect her from herself. She didn't even notice the tears streaming down her cheeks as she closed her eyes and silently cried herself to sleep. Why was life so hard?

TO BE CONTINUED...