Best Friends Last Forever ✔️

Part 44: Losing control

TW

He sat in front of the door, listening to the love of his life crying but there was nothing he could do. He just sat there, tears building up in his eyes, not caring about anyone seeing him now.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and as he looked up he was met Nicole's eyes. Anger instantly build up inside him again but right now he wasn't going to yell at her. He was too angry of himself to even think about rebuking someone about a stupid mistake right now.

As he didn't say anything Nicole said down next to him asking. "Is everything okay Dr. DeLuca?"

"Not really" he replied. He didn't have the strength right now to be mad at anyone but... well- Meredith. Yes. He was mad at her. She had just kicked him out. She still didn't realise that he wasn't going to leave her and that made him furious.

"Is everything okay with Dr. Grey?" she asked but he just shook his head.

"You know I work with anorexic people every day. I bring them food and I pick up the trail with the untouched food when they didn't even try to eat something for over two hours. Some of them seem to be able to recover. Some of them manage to get out of this and have an almost normal life when they're discharged but Meredith- when I first saw her here I knew that she wouldn't be one of them. She is going to lose this fight. And she is going to pull you down with her. You're going to break at one point because she will try to blame everything on you. She'll realise that she is too weak to survive this and-" but when Andrew finally realised what the hell she was saying he completely lost it.

"SHUT UP! Just shut up! You don't know anything about Meredith. Just because you have been bringing her food for the past few days doesn't mean you know anything about her at all. You have no idea what she's been through in her life. You don't know anything about how strong she is. And it might be true that some people don't survive this but you have no idea what it means to have an eating disorder. You are perfectly healthy and well and you aren't struggling with anything similar to what the patients on this floor are. You may have your own problems and struggles but they aren't nearly as big as any of the ones from the people in those rooms who are here to get better, who are here to get their lives back. You have no idea what it means to be torn between the anxiety of losing the fight against whatever they are fighting and trying to stay strong at all costs. You don't know what it means to see the person you love most cutting their arms open because they're hurting so much that they don't know any other way of dealing with the pain. You don't know what it means to be told over and over again to leave the person you can't leave to leave them because they feel like they aren't enough. You don't know how it feels to find your other half sobbing on the floor with a scalpel in their hand, trying to stop themselves from cutting their wrists and begging you to help them. You have no idea what it means someone you love having an anxiety- or panic attack right in front you while you have no idea how to help them because you know you can't. So shut up and don't ever again say you know how I am feeling, how Meredith is feeling or how any other patient here is feeling because you have no idea what it means to be in their states!"

He was shocked at how suddenly everything he had tried to hold in the past few months suddenly came out. He could finally release and say all the things he had felt when Meredith got worse and worse. He instantly regretted his outburst but she deserved being yelled at when she would say such awful things about his Meri.

He just stood there, his breathing irregular and fast as he was out of breath from the yelling, already feeling how sore his throat was getting. Nicole just looked at him with a blank expression as suddenly the door behind him opened as he realised everyone starring at him.

When he turned around he saw Meredith standing there, looking at him, her lips slightly parted, her eyes red and puffy. He couldn't do this anymore. He looked at her one last time before turning around and walking towards the elevator. He heard Meredith shouting his name while trying to run after him but she was held back by the nurses whom had finally stopped starring and where now stopping her from running after him as she was screaming his name. He pushed the button of the elevator which opened immediately and stepped in. As he turned around he saw how the nurses were struggling to hold her by her arms and her wrist while all she wanted was to go after him. But she couldn't. He couldn't. The doors closed and he was gone. It felt like a nightmare and he couldn't wait to wake up. He couldn't wait to wake up to a world where his mother hadn't died. Where Meredith didn't get pregnant and had a miscarriage. Where all of this hadn't had happened. He would give everything to just go back there.