Everlark- The Years After the Epilogue *Editing*

The Test

''I'm back'', Johanna yelled down the hall. She'd just been to the chemist to pick up a test while I sat at home, waiting. She came in holding the box and threw it at me.

''Ow'', I said as it pelted against my chest.

''Oh stop being so grumpy'', she moaned.

''Well you aren't the one whose life might change. Again.'' I snapped. ''Sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you, thanks for getting it.'' I said smiling. ''I can't do this now'', I admitted.

''You need to, there might be someone in there'', She said gesturing towards my stomach. We sat together in the bathroom for nearly an hour, I kept on putting it off, what if I was? How could I look after another child? What if I couldn't protect him or her? Katniss pull yourself together. I decided to try something I hadn't tried in years. I told myself what I needed to do. Katniss you must get up from the floor. Katniss you must get a drink. Katniss you must calm down. Katniss...you must do the test. I slowly drunk some water whilst sat with Johana at the kitchen table. ''Why are you so scared?'' She asked me.

''I- I don't know, what if he doesn't want another baby, it was so terribly hard the first time'', I admitted.

''And the second time it was fine right? Also if be he you mean Peeta, are you serious? That boy loves you and any other future children. Seriously Katniss, you define him, there's no Peeta without you- he won't leave''. She told me comfortingly.

''I suppose so, what if one more is too many? He might not be able to cope, another child means another person he'll have to explain the memories to, another person entering this world not knowing the impact their parents had, it's another person hearing our screams.'' A tear slid down my face, the past will always be there and there is no escape from it.

''I know, I know'' she said cradling me. My body was consumed with a terror all too familiar. I wake up every day praying Willow and Rye will stay safe, what if there's not enough safety to go around to include this one too? I took a deep breath and stood up.

''I'm going to do it. Now.''

''I'll be right outside waiting for you.''

''Thankyou'', I said giving her a hug. As I head away I turned back around. ''I don't know what I want.'' I admitted, did I want to be pregnant, to feel the joy of holding it in my arms? Or did I want not to be, the responsibility I could handle, the loss I could not.

''When the time's right you'll know''. I twisted the door handle in the bathroom and locked it behind me, sitting down on the edge of the bath. I read over the instructions again and again, even though I knew what to do. However, I wanted to make sure I was doing everything right, I remember watching my friend take a test in the school toilets once, I'd never been so scared for her- one 8 letter word could change her life. I can do this. I went and sat down and peed on the stick. As soon as I'd finished I placed it upside down in the sink and opened the door. Another child, half me and half Peeta, the idea was perfect but it was so much more different in reality. Johanna jumped up as soon as she saw me. ''Hey, have you done it?'' She asked.

''Yeah, in 5 minutes time we'll finally see whether I'm pregnant or not.'' I said shaking.

''Calm down, its fine. We don't even know if you are pregnant, you could just have a virus'', she said twirling her hair. ''Coffee?'' She suggested raising her eyebrows.

''Alright then, come on.'' We walked into the kitchen where I put a mug under the coffee machine and started making some lattes. I watched as the liquid poured from the spout, slowly filling up the cup. We'd both just sat down when we heard a key in the door. Our heads snapped to look at the door, as the handle twisted and it opened.

''It's just me,'' Peeta shouted. ''Oh hi you two'' he said once he'd noticed we were in the kitchen. I shot Johanna a dagger look saying she should try and distract him.

''What are you doing back so early?'' I asked him as I got up to give him a kiss.

''I've forgotten some documents that I needed to hand over in a meeting later, I think I left them in the office next to the bathro-'' I cut Peeta off.

''Oh I'll go get them for you'', I said standing up.

''It's not trouble Katni-''

''No it's fine, it'll give you a chance to talk with Johanna'', I started walking down the hallway miming 'don't let him follow me' at Johanna, who gave me a wink to make sure I knew she'd understood. I ran down the hallway and into the bathroom, where I shoved the stick into a drawer without even turning it over to look at and then shut the door. I went into the office where, like he said, Peeta's documents were on the desk. I quickly grabbed them and head to the kitchen, where they were both in full conversation. ''Here you go'' I said resting my arms on his shoulders and holding them infront of him.

''Thankyou, I better get going again, I'll see you both later'', he gave me a quick kiss, hugged Johanna, then left.

''Phew!'' Johanna said as she giggled.

''Do you think he noticed anything was wrong?'' I asked her.

''Nope, he still thinks you're a bit ill'' She told me.

''Good, let's keep it that way until we know for sure.'' I told her.

''Do you want to go check your test now?'' She asked unsurely.

''Let me just finished this coffee and then we can.'' I had, yet again, found another excuse to not look straight away. I took my time drinking it, small sips every so often.

''Katniss, this is ridiculous- come on'', Johanna pulled me up and dragged me down the hall into the bathroom. ''Now get it out wherever you've hidden it and look at the god damn test''. I started laughing at how serious she was. ''Katniss, get it'', she said, once she'd heard me start laughing, a smile crept up the side of her face and she started laughing too. I nervously grabbed the handle to the drawer and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. It's going to be fine. I pulled on the handle and the drawer opened. The test was still upside down. I turned around.

''Will you look for me?'' I asked.

''Alright'', Johanna walked over and took my place, picking up the test and turning to face me. ''Are you ready?'' I nodded. She turned the test to face the right way up and looked at the result.

''Well?'' I asked. She passed me over the stick and my eyes diverted down the read it...