Overwatch x Reader

The Only McHanzo Fanfic I'll Write (Until Time Proves Otherwise)

This ship is not my peanut butter and jam, but I respect the people that do ship it. This was just written for fun, so don't think of this as a personal attack on your own interests. 

Hanzo was a hell of a grumpy boy, and for an ambiguous reason. Genji thinks that he's upset that he tried to kill his brother aka him, but it's actually because he failed to kill Genji that irks him. If he killed Genji successfully, then he wouldn't have a weird cyborg body or constantly request healing. So when his cyborg ninja dude of a brother asked him to join Overwatch, he was hella pissed.

"No." Hanzo refused.

"But Hanzo," Genji puts his metal robo hands on Hanzo's shoulders, "There's hawt men in Overwatch- and they might be cannonly gay soon." Genji was highly aware that this iteration of Hanzo was a closetted gay man putting up a straight front for their clang. He knew ever since the day Hanzo said yas queen while he was dying his hair green ;a very stereotypical slang that he never uttered again. Ever since then, Genji wanted to see Hanzo gay slip.

"I'm not gay, Genji. I'm homosexual." Hanzo thought homosexual meant being sexually attracted to home. He misses home dearly and hasn't been able to sleep okish enough since he left.

"Those are the same thing, Hanzo." Genji cringed.

"Gay doesn-"

"Howdy partners." The MYSTERIOUS cowboy says with a cigar lit in his mouth. He has a 6 pack, a 6 pack of whiskey to be exact. He was also hella thiccccc with thighs that could break a cantaloupe. Although for some reason, he wore a red blanket as a weird shoulder scarf. It was like Linus from Peanuts grew up to be a rough and hawt cowboy with attachment issues.

"HOLY RAMEN NOODLES," Hanzo thought in his brain, "This guy looks so American that I want to deport myself." Hanzo had a thing against the American people when they all decided to let Steve leave for college on his favorite show, Blues Clues. For that very reason, he has hated any American he has ever interacted with; regardless of how nice they were. Just looking at this cowboy was like looking at Steve wishing the audience farewell as he left for college. Pure devastation turned into anger.

"WHOMST GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO HOWDY ME, BITCH?" Hanzo demanded as he stared pointy arrows into the cowboy's shit stained eyes.

"Um... common decency?" The cowboy scratched the back of his tan neck. Hanzo watched as the cowboy's adam's apple bounced as he took a nervous gulp. Hanzo wanted to rip his jugular off with his Crest 3D White teeth.

"Omg Hanzo stop being rude to Americans again, they can't help but be...well... American. Especially McCree here." McCree was very American, despite not wearing a patriotic piece of clothing. Hanzo bet that he owned at least one in his wardrobe. Hanzo wanted to burn McCree's closet until it looked like cigarette ashes. Too bad his dragons are air-breathing dragons and not fire-breathing dragons.

"I was just gonna give your bro a tour if you don't mind." McCree must have assumed Hanzo was joining Overwatch, which was just like Americans according to Hanzo. Always assuming things, just like when they assumed everyone wanted Steve from Blue's Clues to leave the show for a higher education.

Genji retorted, "But Hanzo said-"

"I SAY NO." Hanzo retorted louder than his brother.

"Ok." McCree shrugged, very much unaffected by Hanzo's attitude; which only made Hanzo more mad that McCree wasn't reacting with the same energy.

"Stupid McCree, who even names their child McCree anyway? It's like those stupid celebrities naming their children Potato Sandal or Corn Slice." Hanzo thought angrily as he started to wonder what McCree's last name was.