Chapter 30
Salita
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He is worth it.
Austin is worth it. My love for him is worth it. I might not be showy, but I love him so much. I know that he knows that I love him more than what I show to him. I made him feel it. I made him feel the love that he deserves. All the pain that I felt whenever we broke up because of some misunderstandings is worth it because our love gets stronger with each breakup we had. All the sleepless nights we had just to talk to each other are worth it.
Austin is worth my love, my trust, and my everything. He is worth more than what I can give him. I want him to get what he deserves because being loved by someone like him is beyond the worth we could imagine. Who won't love a guy like him? He understands me every time I couldn't understand anything even myself. He took care of me when I forgot to take care of myself. He adores me every time I doubt myself. He admires me every time I am insecure. He stays with me every time I am at my worst. He loves me every time I feel no one wants me. He gives me strength every time I got tired of everything.
He is worth my love, my time, my trust, and my everything. I want to be with him every single time that he is with me, too. I want to do everything that he does for me. Gustong makabawi sa kaniya dahil sobra-sobra ang mga pinaramdam at ginawa niya sa 'kin. I want to give what he gives me. Gusto kong nasa tabi niya ako sa mga panahon na kailangan niya ng kasama, kaya ngayon na gusto na niyang mag-hiwalay kami, hindi ako papayag.
Mahal ko siya. Hindi ako papayag na mag-hiwalay kami sa ganitong oras, lalo na't alam kong apektadong-apektado siya sa mga nangyayari sa pamilya niya ngayon. Kung nasasaktan siya, narito ako para mabawasan 'yon kahit papaano. Kung pagod na siya, narito ako para bigyan siya ng lakas kagaya ng palagi niyang ginagawa sa 'kin sa tuwing napapagod na ako. Nandito lang ako, minamahal siya ng lubos at tapat, kaya bakit ako papayag na makipag-hiwalay sa kaniya? It doesn't make any sense at all.
"A-Austin, malapit na 'ko r'yan. 'Wag kang aalis kung nasa'n ka, ha? Mag-usap t-tayo pagkarating ko," nanginginig ang mga kamay na wika ko rito, pinipigilan ang pag-iyak.
I didn't hear him answer me. Instead, I heard him burst into tears again. He was sobbing like a kid who got his lollipop stolen. His voice sounded in pain. He was near in shouting in pain, I know. Alam ko 'yon dahil minsan ko nang naramdaman ang sakit na gugustuhin mo na lang sumigaw para kahit papaano, mawala ang bigat na nararamdaman mo. Kaunti na lang, gano'n na ang gagawin niya.
Mabilis kong inabot sa driver ang pamasahe ko bago dali-daling bumaba ng sasakyan. Hindi pa rin binababa ni Austin ang tawag kaya rinig na rinig ko pa rin ang pag-iyak niya mula sa kabilang linya. I could feel myself tearing up, too, while listening to his sobs. He was trying to calm down, but he always fails because the pain he was carrying is too much to handle for him.
"L-Love, where are you? Nandito na 'ko," sambit ko sa kabilang linya habang papasok sa eskinita papunta sa bahay nila. "Nasa bahay ka ba? Malapit na 'ko ro'n,"
"Wala ako r'yan. Umalis ako," nangangatal na sambit ni Austin mula sa kabilang linya. "Umuwi ka na, K-Kheerah... Wala ako r'yan,"
"Kung gano'n, nasa'n ka? Pupuntahan kita," sabi ko, lumilinga-linga sa palaigid.
"Umuwi ka na lang, Kheerah..." aniya, pinipigilan ang pag-hikbi.
"Hindi ako uuwi hangga't hindi kita nakakausap ng maayos, Austin. Gusto mong mag-hiwalay tayo, pero hindi ako papayag, Austin. Hindi ako papayag sa gusto mo. Hindi," sabi ko pa, nanginginig ang mga kamay. "Sabihin mo naman kung nasa'n ka, oh? Gusto kitang makita't makausap,"
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