Time and Fallen Leaves :: jeongcheol

TAFL :: 86

*jeonghan*

after jiwon and i had somehow played, she bade her good nights to me already since she still needs to study and also because she has saturday class but only half day unlike weekdays. when she went out of my room, i heave a sighed after feeling how a defeaning silence started to devoured the whole area as i was hearing nothing but the machine of my air condition on the side of my room beside the window. i roamed my eyes around my whole room like as if i wouldnt have to see it anymore after i had flew myself to other country.

this four walls was one of the witness of how i struggled to get to where i am right now. medical school wasnt really that easy as it seemed to be. i had encountered failures, breaks downs and even one week sleepless nights mostly when i finally had to the final stage. i thought i wouldn't survive it like others did, but im happy that i was one of them. . no, the five of us was one of those who passed and survived that hellish med school.

and ever since i took med school, i moved in here already since the university was way more nearer here than the dorm i was staying to way back when i was still in college. . plus i know to myself that if i continued to stay there at that dorm, i wouldnt last long. if surviving med school was hard, then keeping yourself busy just for you not to get reminded of the things happened inside that four walls was way more harder. every time kasi na magisa ako or nawawalan ako nang gagawin, those scenes happened before keep ricocheting inside my head like a broken record.

i thought it was just easy because if you looked at jihoon and wonwoo, they passed that stage like as if nothings happened, pero kapag ako na yung nasa sitwasyon, i thought i couldnt do it. it went too hard for me that theres this one that i couldnt sleep and just found myself crying while trying to contact that guys number even though i know he wouldnt answer, and also that night made me beg for him to come back to me because i really missed him so much. i missed hearing his voice, his touch, his hugs, his flowery words, his gaze, his lips and even the way we done that thing for the first time.

i shut my eyes and shook my head after realizing that i was thinking about that guy over and over again up until now though, i tried. i tried so hard not to remember him in any circumstances ive got, i tried to. . i tried to move forward because i know i wouldn't have to see him ever again and the thing between us was over even before we get started so i tried. . but no matter how hard i tried, i was still going back to the same phase as before. same phase as day one.

same phase back to the day when i decided to understand his reasons though there are no concrete reasons at all. to understand what happened and hope, prayed and wished to the world that he would come back. . that he would come back to me. tanga man pero wala e, ganon talaga.

i slapped my both cheeks to finally get me back to reality and heave a sighed before walking to reach for my luggage and placed it on the side para madali ko nalang makuha later in the morning. i just changed my clothes into pj's then before closing my eyes to rest, i had messaged my five friendsㅡor i mean, sila seokmin and informed them once again that ill be at the spain for one month though i had told them about this the last time we had talked over the line.

we couldn't see each other personally kasi since they have their own lives now. how are them by the way? seokmin and seungkwan are a duo or i mean an artists, and they are busy for their upcoming comeback promotion then would start their world tour already. minghao, our supermodel na sa new york na yata nakatira since he almost never step foot here in korea. wonwoo, was in dubai right now as a civil engineer under their family's company. then jihoon, who're in new york being a composer there at a huge company who offered to him before while we were still college.