The Breaking Wheel

Chapter 32: Redeemed

Billy could understand how John became friends with Dr. Collingwood, all right. John hadn't really been in his right mind up until he'd met her, and he was still a good person deep down.

Now, as for himself, Billy really didn't understand. He had murdered and mind-controlled people for his own amusement, stealing, mugging, even doing something so horrific that it killed anyone who knew about it from sheer fright. That was what made him realize just how much of a piece of sh*t he was.

When he'd come to the Foundation, he didn't expect anyone to forgive him. But he still worked at it. He tried to be friendly. He helped the Foundation capture and contain dangerous anomalies. He still hated so many of the twisted things they did, though. But it was all necessary. He hated that even more.

He had needed something, anything, as a release for it all. He'd had John in the past, who would listen and comfort him however he could, but the Foundation didn't have that. Its policy of dehumanizing everyone and everything their members encountered came to the point where even befriending coworkers was an alien concept. So he'd turned to internally raging on the staff, especially Dr. Logan and Dr. Buck.

The Foundation mostly held the very worst humanity had to offer. He hated them all. But Dr. Collingwood was not one of them. She was affable, kind, pleasant, everything he wanted to be. Which made it all the more difficult to hate her.

Looking back, trying to hate a person who was empathetic to the point of naïveté was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever done.

One day he'd gotten into another argument with Dr. Buck and ran off. Dr. Collingwood had come looking for him.

One day he'd gotten into another argument with Dr. Logan and ran off. Dr. Collingwood had come looking for him.

"Billy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he snapped.

"Billy, this isn't you-"

Before she could say another word he grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the wall.

"What do you really know about me, Collingwood?" he snarled. "You don't understand how much I want to hate you. I want to hate everyone in this hellhole of an organization with every fiber of my being. If you were like Dr. Buck, it would be easy. So d*mn easy. But I can't." He let go and she crumpled to the floor, clawing at her throat as she gasped for air.

He turned away. "You're too... nice. You're just too f*cking nice for me to hate you."

He let out a broken, bitter sob. "I don't deserve your kindness. I'm a monster. Why... how are you..."

He fell to his knees. "How are you like this? How can you forgive me?"

She weakly reached out and touched his shoulder. "Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't forgiven you. I can't forgive you. But I can give you a chance." She grabbed his arms and turned him around. "You can change. Anyone can, if they're willing to try and put in the effort. You can be a good person. In fact," she laughed bitterly, "the fact that you're even trying at all makes you a better person than seventy percent of the people here."

"Billy? Billy?"

Billy shook his head, snapping himself out of the memory. "Yeah, John?"

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"The time Molly gave me a chance."

John's face softened. "She's such a pure soul, isn't she?"

"The purest one in this garbage pit, anyway."