Just Imagine...

A Moment To Themselves

"You kissed me Jack!" Ianto exclaimed, feeling tears burning in the corners of his eyes.
He wished he could've reacted to Jack's return the way Sam had, with happiness and a soft "hey, Jacksie... you... you're home!". But he couldn't. He couldn't cover up the hurt the way she had.
The minute they had some spare time, Jack had led Ianto into the office and shut the door so they could talk. That was when it had all come out.
"I know," Jack soothed, "I know, Ianto."
"You kissed me in front of everyone and then left! Why?" Ianto demanded, "I want to know why! Am I really just a part-time shag to you??"
"NO!" Jack interrupted so loudly and suddenly that Ianto jumped back, afraid Jack would want to hurt him. But then he saw the tears in Jack's eyes, and realized he was crying too.
A whimper escaped Ianto's throat and he took half a step away from Jack.
"Then... why?" He asked hoarsely, knowing he had tears and probably snot running down his face - he surely looked hideous, "why would you kiss me and then just leave? I don't understand."
"I don't either," Jack croaked, "I just... when I left I... I never wanted to... look, there was a moment before I left when I forgot everything, I'll admit it."
"What do you mean you forgot everything?"
"I forgot about having a team to look after, about protecting the Earth, about Sam and my family... and about the fact that you're... you're special to me."
Ianto stiffened, feeling his cheeks growing hot.
"I-... I-" he stammered.
"N-no, what I meant was-" Jack began, a light of anxiety in his sea blue eyes, then he sighed, "I don't know what I meant. I don't know why I left. All I know is that I broke your heart and I'm sorry, and the fact that you're special to me is as undeniable to me now as the fact that I can't die or that the sky is blue."
Ianto just stared at him, thinking about how this was the first time he'd felt close to another man in this way - whatever this way was - and remembering how the scent of Jack's pheromones had faded down in cold storage, until Ianto almost couldn't smell them anymore. He remembered pressing his face into Jack's coat and breathing in through his nose as deeply as possible just to try and find a little bit of that scent that had made him so happy not too long ago.
"Ianto, please say something." Jack murmured, snapping him from his thoughts. Ianto blinked, dumbfounded as a fresh stream of tears fell down his face.
"I don't know what to say." He gasped, fighting the tightness in his chest.
That, unfortunately, was the moment Sam poked her head in the door with a gentle knock. Jack and Ianto both averted their gazes, trying to hide their puffy eyes.
"Hey, Jacksie..." Sam began, then cleared her throat awkwardly, "am I uhh... am I interrupting something important?"
"No," Ianto rasped before Jack could answer her, "not at all."
He winced internally at the momentary flash of hurt that came across Jack's face at the implication that this wasn't an important conversation.
Sam didn't seem convinced, emerald green eyes flicking worriedly between Ianto and Jack. She limped through the door, leaning on her cane, and Ianto saw the guilt on Jack's face. He hadn't been there when Sam had hurt her knee. She kept saying it was fine, that it wasn't his fault, but she and Ianto both knew Jack blamed himself.
He was so fucking stupid that it hurt Ianto to love him.
It hurt Ianto to love him regardless. Especially now.
Ianto found his eyes drifting to Sam. She had been so much help during this past little while. She had helped Ianto sort out his feelings for Jack and supported him through his pain. Ianto stared at her wavy golden hair - now short after it had been cut by an alien sword - the scar on her left eyebrow, the spider tattoo on her left collar bone. His eyes followed the muscular curve of her warm tan shoulder, spangled with freckles like a night sky full of stars. There was another scar halfway between her shoulder and her elbow, and a seahorse tattoo on her wrist. And on her finger was a rose gold engagement ring with a single, tiny, beautiful, white diamond on it.
Sam was so much like her son. Ianto wondered how Jay, Sam's partner, could handle her. Had their relationship been as rocky as his and Jack's was now when they were younger? How could they move past something like that? How could they just keep going and have kids and then welcome an adult man who had their DNA for whatever reason into their home? Did it come with age and experience or was it just the way they were?
"Okay for real you guys are starting to freak me out," Sam said tensely when the silence stretched out, "what the fuck is happening? I could cut the tension in here with my machete."
"It doesn't matter," Ianto said, clearing his throat, "it just doesn't matter." He turned to walk out the door.
"Ianto!" Sam exclaimed, sounding concerned and confused, but Ianto didn't even look back.
The door slammed shut behind him and Sam turned to see Jack with his hands over his face, clearly crying.
"Ayy, Dios mío." Sam sighed, rubbing her forehead as the pieces came together.