Just Imagine...

Captured in Stone

Sam found Gwen standing by the koi pond under the gazebo where the sculpture of Suzie that Sam had painstakingly carved stood.
The sculpture had her hands spread at her sides, palms facing up, and a magnificent pair of wings sprouting from her back. She was looking down upon the small pond at her feet with a contented smile, happy to watch the fish darting among the lilypads and the dragonflies zigzagging through the reeds. Around her neck was the circular pendant she'd always worn, and there were vines with beautiful blue flowers growing up her dress.
"Did I do a good job?" Sam asked nervously, coming to stand at Gwen's side.
"Don't ask me," Gwen replied softly, "I hardly knew her."
"Yeah, but you still knew her."
"Not well. Not for who she really was."
"That's really not true. I think you ended up knowing her better than any of us, Gwen. In the end, I mean. And not just because you used the glove on her and she almost sucked all the life out of you - although that was probably part of it."
Sam was surprised when Gwen laughed.
"That's so morbid, Sam!" She exclaimed.
"Well... duh. Of course it's morbid." Sam chuckled, then grew serious again. "We are talking about a dead woman."
Gwen swallowed hard, not looking away from the sculpture.
"Sorry." Sam muttered, "I didn't mean to remind you of-"
"No, no," Gwen murmured, "it's... fine. I guess... I just wish she'd been able to see this."
"I do too."
"Do you think she would've been happy if it was her instead of me?"
"What, here? Now?"
Gwen nodded slowly, glancing at Sam with sad hazel eyes.
"You're speculating on an alternative reality where your life force drained into Suzie and you died that day?" Sam said flatly.
"I am," Gwen said with a hint of annoyance, "or if Suzie had never died at all in the first place because I stayed away from Torchwood, or if the retcon had worked and I never remembered it."
"Do you... think about that a lot?"
"No... sometimes..."
"Why?"
"I'm just wondering if things would be different if Suzie had lived."
"We all think about that sometimes, believe me."
"Do you think it would've been better if I hadn't replaced her?"
Sam twitched as if a jolt of electricity had just gone through her body and sharply turned her head to stare at Gwen.
"Gwen, you aren't supposed to be a replacement for Suzie. You were never supposed to be that." She said.
"Yeah, but I took her place. That was why she hated me when she came back." Gwen argued.
She left the rest unsaid.
  That was why you hated me, Sam. Wasn't it?
Sam clenched her jaw, seeming to get the message.
"We're past that," she said firmly, but not unkindly, "and to be honest, I was never really that close with Suzie. Not the way I am with you. In fact, you're the reason I ever got close to the rest of y'all in the first place."
"How do you mean?" Gwen asked, scrunching up her nose a little.
"Well, I watched you come bumbling into our lives like a newborn foal, unsure of your footing, yet you stayed standing. You stayed true to yourself - a kind-hearted girl filled with curiosity and determination to find out the truth. I both admired that and resented that. Because I realized you had succeeded where I had failed. You saw your whole world get flipped upside down and decided to do what you could to help, rather than drawing in on yourself and becoming callous and cold. Like I did."
Gwen didn't say anything, so Sam continued.
"I never hated you, Gwen. Not really. I guess it just hurt to look at you and realize you were hurting as much as I was, but you weren't becoming me. I thought I was too far gone. But you helped me see that I didn't have to spend the rest of my life only caring about myself and my family, that I could live with an open heart and still be strong."
Sam reached down and entwined her fingers with Gwen's.
"That's what I meant when I said 'thank you for everything'."
Gwen took in a shaky breath, and Sam realized that they both had tears in their eyes.
"And... we probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for you," Sam added, "because if we'd never become friends, I never would've thought I had a chance at happiness. I realized that I still had a fighting chance to make things right after I left you at that warehouse, because of you. I opened my heart and stopped being an asshole because of you."
"Sam, stop," Gwen murmured, turning her face away and frantically wiping at her eyes, "please."
"I'm just telling you the truth," Sam croaked, "I owe so much of what I've been able to accomplish to you, and I never got to say it properly."
"We'll it's the same for me!" Gwen exclaimed, "you were the reason I got confident enough to take over when Jack left and to keep going."
"Yeah, but I was an ass to you when all you ever did was try to be nice to me."
"You already said we were past that."
"But I still feel guilty about it sometimes, okay? Just like you still feel guilty over what happened with Suzie."
This time it was Sam who turned away, hunching her shoulders.
Gwen gave a small smile, lightly placing her hand on Sam's back.
"I guess we've all got enough guilt to go around in this bloody family." She said quietly with a faint laugh.
Sam glanced over her shoulder, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.
"Did you just call us a family?" She asked.
"That's what we are, isn't it? All of us?"
"Oh yeah. For sure. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way though."
"Plus..."
Sam looked up as Gwen trailed off, turning to face her again.
"What?" She pressed gently, "'plus' what?"
"Plus, we're going to get a new member soon." Gwen murmured, unable to resist grinning widely.
"Huh?" Sam asked, "wh- who? And how? How do you know that-?
"Sam, I'm pregnant." Gwen cut her off with an exasperated - albeit affectionate - laugh.
"OH!" Sam exclaimed, face lighting up with understanding and delight, "really??"
"Yeah," Gwen said, lightly rubbing one hand over her still-flat stomach, "I wasn't gonna tell anyone until later, but I figured I could tell you. You'll keep the secret, right?"
Sam nodded dutifully, even though Gwen could see the anxiety in her eyes.
"Don't worry," she laughed, "I'm gonna tell the others soon, I promise."
"Okay, good," Sam sighed, relaxing, "I'm terrible at keeping secrets."
"Oh believe me, I know."
Sam snorted, then took in a long breath through her nose, smiling softly.
"So... did I do a good job?" She asked again, glancing at the sculpture of Suzie as an angel and then back at Gwen.
"You did," Gwen murmured, smiling sadly, "you did a wonderful job. Suzie would've loved this place."
Sam nodded gravely.
"I'm sure she would have."