Just Imagine...

Space Pig? Space Pig.

"I have such a bad headache." Owen groaned, lying face down on the hub's couch.
"You've said that." Ianto muttered from the coffee machine.
"Why did I end up like this?" Owen asked, "I never did anything to hurt anybody."
"You never did much to help anybody either." Ianto sneered angrily, thinking of poor Tosh in London, working on the case Owen was supposed to have joined her on today. Owen sighed painfully.
"I know Ianto, I know what you're gonna say," he growled, "save it. I don't wanna hear it. I have a throbbing headache and I just wanna die."
"AHHT! No dying!" Sam exclaimed loudly, causing Owen to groan again. Ianto laughed quietly. "Now sit up," Sam said, tapping the back of Owen's head to rouse him, "I brought you something for your hangover."
Owen grunted, heaving himself off the couch and taking the glass of noxious looking liquid she offered him. He sniffed it.
"It smells disgusting." He muttered, gagging.
"Then you'd better drink it fast." Sam murmured dryly. Owen slowly raised the glass to his lips. Ianto watched him take half a sip before retching violently.
"I'm gonna puke!" He shouted, leaping off the couch and racing to the hub's bathroom. Sam watched him with a cavalier expression. Ianto took the glass from the floor and sniffed what remained of it's contents, coughing at the putrid smell.
"This is a hangover cure?" He asked Sam.
"No." Sam replied simply, not a drop of emotion appearing in her face. Ianto couldn't help but chuckle.
Tosh returned from her mission at that moment, looking dazed with a bandage on her forehead.
"Tosh!" Sam exclaimed, "welcome b- you're hurt!"
"It's nothing." Tosh said. She sat down on the couch, looking like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure how.
"No it's not!" Sam protested, "who did this to you??"
"No one! I did it to myself!" Tosh exclaimed, "I just tripped and hit my head."
"Uh huh. Sure. I ain't buyin' that for a second, Big T."
"Stop calling me that, Sam."
"Sam," Ianto murmured before Sam could say something more, "calm down. Tell us what happened, Tosh."
"You'll laugh." Tosh murmured.
"No we won't," Gwen spoke up from across the room, "right guys?"
Sam and Ianto nodded.
"It was a space pig." Tosh sighed after a moment. No one said anything to that, but there was a muffled snort from Sam's direction.
"Sam!" Ianto hissed.
"I'm SORRY!" Sam snapped back, "I'm just imagining a pig in a flying saucer."
"Well that's basically what it was," Tosh said with a shrug, "told you you'd laugh."
Sam cleared her throat loudly.
"I'm not laughing," she said, "I promise. Go ahead."
"The pig turned out to be a hoax," Tosh went on, "a regular earth pig that had been all mutilated to look like it was from another planet. When really it was a diversion."
"A diversion?" Gwen echoed, "from what?"
"An invasion," Tosh replied, "I never got to see them, but I heard rumours. These big green... bog monster things."
"The Slitheen."
Everyone turned to see Jack at the entrance to his office.
"You've heard of them?" Tosh asked.
"I've met them," Jack said, "very unpleasant creatures. Really need to get their gas under control."
"Son, say anything that makes logical sense." Sam murmured.
"There's more," Tosh interrupted, "there was a man there named the Doctor. I only saw him a couple times, and briefly, he was the one who dealt with everything. I... don't know all the details but the Slitheen are dead. Killed in the destruction of Ten Downing Street."
"What about the Doctor?" Sam asked, almost sounding anxious.
"I don't know," Tosh replied, "I'm assuming he survived somehow."
Sam bit her lip to conceal a sigh of relief, running her hand through her short hair and fiddling with the newly grown ends of it, which were slowly turning red. She glanced up and noticed Jack had on a similar expression. They locked eyes and had a moment of realization.
They had to talk, in private.
Owen returning from the bathroom gave them an opportunity to slip away, as Owen wiped at his mouth with a piece of paper towel.
"Okay, I'm back," he said, extremely pale and sounding exhausted, "and I'm not drinking that-"
He stopped when he saw Tosh.
"Tosh." He breathed.
"Owen." Tosh said curtly.
"You're hurt!"
"So everyone keeps telling me."
"That bandage is all wrong."
"What?"
"Let me look-"
Owen reached out to take off the bandage on Tosh's forehead and she recoiled.
"Get off!" She said, slapping his hand away, "I'm perfectly fine."
Ianto and Gwen glanced at each other uncertainly.
"Please, Tosh," Owen murmured, "I'm a doctor. And I'm no miracle worker but I'm certain I'm a better doctor than whoever slapped this thing on you."
Tosh glared at him for a second, then smiled and let out a tiny laugh.
"I did it myself." She said, slightly abashed.
"Well you could've done a better job of it," Owen said, "bloody hell, did you put this on with a glue stick?"
Tosh suddenly grew angry again.
"Well I'm sorry I'm not a perfect doctor like you!" She snapped, "maybe if you'd have been there you could've helped! Oh, wait, that's right, you were too busy being hungover."
She turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest. Owen tentatively reached out to touch her shoulder, then thought better of it and put his hand back in his lap. He glanced up at Gwen and Ianto for help, but Gwen just rolled her eyes furiously and Ianto busied himself with writing something on a blank piece of paper. Owen sighed quietly and looked down at the ground.
"Owen!" Ianto hissed, causing him to look back up. Ianto was holding up the paper he'd been writing on and Owen saw it was a (messily) written message to him in pen; say you're SORRY!!!
Gathering up his courage and ignoring the second part of the message - [you obnoxious twat!] - Owen reached out to touch Tosh's shoulder again. He shot a glance at Ianto and tried to say "if this backfires, you're a dead man, Ianto Jones" with his eyes before turning his attention back to Tosh.
"Toshiko..." he murmured as gently as he could, "I... I'm sorry."
Tosh's head whipped around in surprise. Then her expression softened into a pretty smile.
"I'll fix your bandage for you." Owen offered awkwardly. Tosh's smile grew and tears sprung to her eyes.
"Thank you, Owen!" She exclaimed, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his shirt.
Across the room, Ianto smiled and gave him a thumbs up, while Gwen giggled into her hand, trying to hide it despite the shaking of her body giving her away.
"So... when you said you 'found your doctor', were you... talking about the same guy?" Sam asked as she paced Jack's office, worrying her long nails together.
"Leather jacket?" Jack asked, "blue eyes? Buzz cut?"
"Giant nose and ears?" Sam added with a laugh.
"Yeah." Jack said.
"So how did you meet him?"
"Trying to con him and Rose."
"Rose? Who's Rose?"
"The... girl who travelled with him?"
"I was the only one with him when I was travelling with him. Well, besides Zephyr."
"The Doctor was in love with Rose."
"I never met her. Sounds nice, though. I met the Doctor wandering the rainforest on my property when I was sixteen years old. Thought he was a hobo or some pedophile, turned out to be, like, the best guy I'd ever met."
"Sounds about right."
"So is that where you were those three months when you disappeared?"
"Yeah."
"How... how was he?"
"Travelling with a new companion now. Beautiful girl named Martha Jones."
"Oh yeah? What about Rose?"
"She's at home with her mum. Caring for their newborn twins."
Sam's eyes lit up at this and she knelt in front of Jack, looking like she was almost about to cry.
"The Doctor is a father now?" She asked breathlessly.
Jack grinned broadly.
"Yeah." He replied.
"Oh... my God," Sam said, "that's wonderful! He was so lonely the last time I saw him, and now... esto es hermoso!"
"I don't know what that means but I agree." Jack murmured.
"I need to teach you Spanish." Sam mused, chewing her lip thoughtfully.
"So how did this happen?" Owen asked as he dabbed at Tosh's wound with disinfectant.
"Promise you won't laugh?" Tosh murmured with a sweet grin. 
"I promise." Owen said, and then Tosh started giggling. "What?" Owen pressed, unable to stop himself from smiling.
"Two words: space pig."
"... Space pig?"
"Yeah. Space pig."
There was a slight pause before loud laughter could be heard ringing up from the autopsy bay.
"They seem to have made amends." Ianto commented to Gwen.