Just Imagine...

Knives as Soft as Feathers

"What did you two do?" Tosh demanded when she found Owen and Gwen frantically trying to tidy up her desk.
Oh no, she heard Gwen think.
Fuck, Owen thought at the same time.
To Tosh's dismay, she saw that they had unplugged one of her monitors. The screen was black, the translation program she had been running completely shut down.
"Sorry, Tosh," Gwen murmured, "we were playing with the football and Owen kicked the cord out by accident."
"I take full responsibility for it." Owen added.
"Do you know how long it took me to set up that program?" Tosh exclaimed, fuming, "hours! I'll never be able to set it up again.
"Sure you can." Gwen said, trying to sound encouraging.
Why is she getting so upset? Her mind added.
"Just calm down, Tosh." Owen added.
Don't be so uptight. He thought, but didn't say.
"Whatever," Tosh hissed, biting her lip to keep from crying, "just get out of here. And maybe try growing up a little!"
Sometimes I think even the stick that's up her arse has a stick up it's arse.
Tosh knew who that had come from, but she didn't dare let it show. How could Owen say that? Well, he hadn't said it. But he'd thought it. Was that really what he thought of her? Was that all he thought of her? Choking back her tears, Tosh turned her back on them, which was when the cog wheel door rolled open and Sam strode in - bright clothes, lion's mane of hair, big muscles showing. Her scars and tattoos marking her as a force to be reckoned with.
Great, Tosh thought, what's she going to think about me?
Oh, such a wonderful day...
Tosh was surprised at first and it took her a second to realize those were actually Sam's thoughts. Sam made eye contact with her and there was some sort of internal gasp.
Tosh looks so pretty! I mean, she always looks pretty, but today especially. But she looks so... sad. Why is she sad when she looks so pretty? Oh, never mind, she's smiling now. But she might be faking. I wonder if she can read my mind? Hahaha, very funny, Sam. You've been staring at her too long. FUCK, SAY SOMETHING-
"Hi Sam." Tosh murmured.
"H-hey, Tosh." Sam stammered, looking at the floor and scratching the back of her neck.
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHE THINKS I'M A CREEP. Her mind went.
"Uhhh, what's the matter?" She asked lamely.
"Owen and I were messing around and accidentally unplugged the monitor she was running translations on." Gwen answered almost guiltily. Tosh wasn't really listening, she was still so surprised at Sam's internal monologue. It was so fast, first of all, like stepping into an overflowing stream. And secondly, it seemed so considerate.
Is that why she's sad? Sam was thinking, awww, poor Tosh! It can't be easy being a tech genius. Maybe I can offer to help her fix it. That's a bad idea. But maybe it would make her less sad. I don't like seeing her sad. She deserves so much and yet it seems like everyone views her as the lowly tech girl. Well, not me. Y'hear me, Tosh? You mean so much to me and I can't say it because I'm an idiot. Yeah. Try saying that out loud, Sam. You never will, because you're a coward. Shut up, me, I'm having a conversation with me. What am I even saying? I'm staring at her again. Jesus Christ, Sam, get a fucking grip.
"I, ummm... I could help you fix it?" Sam said out loud, smiling nervously, "I mean, I dunno shit about computers and I'll probably make it worse but-"
"Of course!" Tosh said a little too quickly and with a little too much excitement. Sam raised her eyebrows in surprise as Tosh tried to calm her emotions down. What Sam thought of her... it was so sweet and kind! She'd had no idea Sam was like this under the surface. Why did she put up such strong walls if underneath she was bursting with love? "Sorry," Tosh murmured, clearing her throat, "of course. I'm sure there's at least something you'll be able to do."
Sam blushed slightly - once again, to Tosh's surprise.
"Thanks," she said, "n-no one's really had that much faith in me being around their things before. Not even Jay. Well, that's because they think I'll break it, and I usually do, so... you've been warned." Tosh giggled and Sam blushed more.
I've lost control of my face. She thought, or maybe I died or something.
"We'll help too." Gwen offered, glancing at Owen, who nodded.
"Really?" Tosh asked, fresh tears springing to her eyes, though this time of joy.
"We wanna help." Owen murmured.
I feel bad for thinking that about her, he thought, I... I like Tosh. A lot.
Tosh was sure her heart stopped beating. Gwen and Sam seemed to catch on to what was happening.
Does Tosh have a crush on Owen? Gwen wondered, ooh, does Owen have a crush on Tosh?!?
Ooooooohhh la la, Sam's mind went, perhaps we have a blooming romance here?
For the first time that day, Tosh was able to ignore the thoughts that weren't her own.
"Sam," she murmured, "you're good at fitting into tight spaces - why don't you squeeze in behind the desk and plug the monitor back in."
"Good task to give me." Sam said with a laugh.
That kinda hurt. Her brain added.
"It's not because I doubt your ability," Tosh said, again a little too quickly, "I think you'd be really good with tech if you learned from someone. You're a visual learner, aren't you?" Sam looked surprised.
"Uhhh... yeah." She murmured, a tiny smile curling her lips.
She believes in me? She asked herself, that's... new. No one's really had this much faith in me before. Except maybe Jay. Although he usually takes over when I try to help him. Oh shit, did I forget to fold the laundry this morning? I did. Oh my God-
Tosh suppressed a giggle as she turned to Owen and Gwen, giving them the tasks she wanted them to help her with.
"Anyone want a coffee?" Ianto asked, causing everyone to look at him, "I'm brewing some of Jack's industrial strength brand."
"Like that boy needs it." Sam huffed, walking up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Ianto laughed softly, and an expression that Tosh hadn't seen before came over his face. It wasn't quite happiness or bliss, but it was... contentment. Ianto was content in Sam's presence, she calmed him, made him laugh.
I never knew she could be like this, his thoughts whispered, I used to think she was mean. Well, she used to be mean. But she's so... soft underneath. She really cares about me, about all of us. And she's so much more than just the muscle on the team. I've seen her be a parent, a spouse. I've seen her play with her children and fold the clothes the wrong way and get excited about the lawn mower - the lawn mower of all things! She really is an incredible person.
And Tosh was inclined to agree.
"What are you doing, anyway?" Ianto prompted.
"Gwen and I accidentally messed up Tosh's computer," Owen replied, "so Sam suggested we help her fix it."
"Good idea, Sam," Ianto murmured, grinning at her, "hang on, once I'm done with the coffee I'll join you all."
I love him! Sam's mind sang as he hurried over to the coffee machine, I love all of them so much! No, STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You can't let yourself get close to them, what have I been saying all along? Stop opening your heart! Just close it! Sam glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Tosh, a strange fear glistening in their emerald green depths, no. I won't. It's too late now. I don't wanna hide from them anymore. I'm not a mean person and I'm not gonna pretend I am to keep them at arm's length. I want them close to me, I don't care if it'll bite me in the ass later-
Tosh broke the eye contact first, discreetly taking off the necklace Mary had given her. She didn't want to hear that train of thought anymore, it seemed too private. Her head felt lighter without so many other voices inside it.
What had Sam meant? Was she just putting on an act when she tried to be intimidating? Was she just as afraid of getting close to the team as Tosh was of her? She reached out to place the necklace on her desk and accidentally brushed hands with Owen. They both looked at each other in shock, then looked away. Tosh felt her cheeks get warm.
"Why'd you take the necklace off?" Owen asked softly, "it looked so pretty on you."
Tosh bit the inside of her lip to keep from squealing.
"I didn't want it getting in the way while I work," she murmured, "I-I'll put it back on later."
Owen grinned.
"Promise?" He teased. Tosh giggled shyly.
"I promise." She replied.