Just Imagine...

"Pet" Shopping

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this fic was inspired by edits of Janet by @this-is-quite-homoerotic on Tumblr and was written for the Torchwood remix fest! :)

"So... explain to me what you did again?" Ianto asked dryly.
"Don't say it like we killed somebody!" Sam exclaimed, putting her hands up innocently.
"Well based on what you're describing, deaths certainly could have occurred." Ianto murmured.
"Yeah, but they didn't," Owen said, "Janet and the other Weevils actually seem to like it!"
"Plus it made Jacksie, Gwen, and Tosh happy too." Sam supplied, grinning nervously. 
"And how much did you let them spend?" Ianto asked, taking half a step towards Owen and Sam. However, the harsh lecture he was about to give them about spending Torchwood's money on important things rather than silly experiments was cut off by Jack calling to him.
"Ianto!" He exclaimed, "look! Look at Zephyr!!"
Ianto turned slowly around and immediately clamped his teeth around his tongue to keep from bursting into hysterical laughter.
Jack, Gwen, and Tosh were all gathered around Zephyr, who was sitting proudly and swishing her tail with a look on her face that almost appeared to be a smile. The tiger was wearing an oversized pet hat designed to look like a strawberry, complete with a tiny, curly stem and two holes for her fuzzy ears to poke out.
"WE BOUGHT KITTY HATS FOR ZEPHYR!!" Gwen shouted with all the enthusiasm of a five year old in a candy store.
"Oh my God, that's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire goddamn life." Sam breathed, clutching her chest and falling on one knee.
"You gonna be okay, mate?" Owen asked, amused.
"Yeah, just gimme a minute." Sam choked out. Owen rolled his eyes affectionately.
"Owen," Tosh spoke up, "should we call this new fruit a Zephyr Berry?" Owen barked a laugh.
"Toshiko, that's terrible!" He exclaimed, still laughing as he ran up to her and laced his fingers with hers.
"You still laughed, though." Tosh teased, kissing his nose.
"So, whaddya think, Ianto?" Jack asked, eyes sparkling eagerly.
"Umm... yeah, Jack. That's... cool." Ianto replied, having a hard time speaking while fighting his giggles.
"Come see the rest of the stuff we got!" Gwen said, taking Ianto's hand and pulling him towards the door to the cells. Ianto was already prepared for what Gwen was going to show him, but seeing Janet and the other four Weevils in their cells, with their regular black clothes swapped out for bright pink ones, was enough to break him.
"They're cute, right?" Gwen giggled as Ianto finally lost the battle against laughter.
"Wow, Ianto, I didn't think you'd laugh this hard over our pet-costume spree," Sam mused, "you could say he's tickled pink, right guys?"
"Sam, that's the worst joke you've ever made," Owen sighed, "and I told you to stop using the expression 'tickled' in my presence."
"Why, Owen?" Gwen asked cheekily, "does it bother you?"
"It's just a weird thing to say!" Owen growled. Ianto snorted, covering his mouth.
"Okay, shut up," he said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, "this was funny, but you can't spend all our money on-"
"Aaaaaand there he goes." Sam cut in, smirking.
"Anything that makes you laugh like that is worth all the money in the world." Jack cooed, putting his arm around Ianto's shoulders.
"GET A ROOM!" Owen shouted, covering his eyes.
"Wait til you see what we got for Myfanwy." Jack chuckled, kissing Ianto's cheek.
"Oh God." Ianto groaned, but he was still smiling.