Just Imagine...

And Also With You

"Do we really have to waste our time investigating a bunch of random blue-haired village people?" Owen complained as he and Jack stepped into the dark and dusty motel room they'd rented. Jack tried the light switch but nothing happened. The bulbs must've been burned out.
"It's not a waste of time," he replied to Owen's query, setting the suitcase Ianto had packed for him on one of the beds, "it's not like half of the people here all decided to dye their hair bright, electric blue. That'd be different. No one knows why they suddenly woke up with blue hair."
"Yeah yeah," Owen muttered, "blah blah blah, I get it. But what does it have to do with us?"
"Tosh said her monitors picked up traces of Lazulium somewhere within the village. It could've contaminated something." Jack murmured.
"So you think it's in the water? Or something they're eating?"
"Probably. That's why we have to investigate."
"So we have to test every single thing people are putting in their bodies for Lazulium? D'you know how long that'll take?"
"We'll be done here in no time. We can pass some of the time playing Mole in the Hole."
Owen's eyes widened in confusion.
"That better not be a euphemism." He said.
"I'm talking about a board game my mom showed me," Jack said, taking a tattered box out of his suitcase, "it's so much fun, wanna play?" Owen rolled his eyes.
"This is already my least favourite mission we've ever done at this bloody job." He sighed.

The sun was shining but Owen still didn't seem happy to be walking along the streets of the village.
"What're we looking for?" He sighed finally.
"Something all the villagers with blue hair have been eating or drinking," Jack replied, "Tosh rigged up a monitor to let us know when we've found the Lazulium."
"So we just keep walking around until it beeps?"
"Well, I was thinking we'd check out the stores first."
"It better not stink so bad in there. What is that smell? D'you smell that?"
"Yeah... where's it coming from anyway?"
"Seems like everywhere."
Jack started inhaling deeply through his nose and following the scent.
"What are you doing?" Owen sighed, walking after him.
"I'm trying to find the smell." Jack answered, still sniffing loudly. Owen rolled his eyes but continued following him. The stink got stronger as they neared one of the villager's houses. It seemed to be coming from the backyard.
"Nobody's home," Jack murmured, "let's check it out."
"Jack, don't be mental!" Owen exclaimed as Jack climbed over the fence. Jack didn't respond and Owen groaned to himself. "Bloody hell." He muttered before climbing over after him.
There was a greenhouse in the backyard that seemed to be the source of the smell.
"Is it something they're growing?" Owen asked, pulling his shirt up over his nose. Jack looked at him sharply and they both seemed to realize what the smell was at the same time. That was also when the device in Jack's hand beeped. Jack glanced at it, then back at Owen, and took a couple steps closer to the greenhouse. More beeping.
"You can't seriously be telling me the Lazulium is in... that." Owen said disbelievingly. Jack shrugged.
"Have you ever known Toshiko's gadgets to be wrong?" He replied. The two of them walked right up to the little greenhouse and pushed open the door. As expected, the smell intensified as the plants inside were exposed to the outside world. The Lazulium detector went crazy, beeping frantically. Jack and Owen looked at each other.
"Are you telling me that everyone in this village with blue hair has been smoking pot and they're getting it from this bloke?" Owen asked.
"Looks like it." Jack murmured with another shrug.
"Great," Owen muttered sarcastically, "at least this means we can go home now."

They met the Vicar on the way back to the motel.
"Ah, you two gentlemen must be the investigators," he said, causing Jack and Owen to turn around, "trying to figure out what caused everyone's hair to turn blue."
"We are." Jack murmured, then saw what Owen had already noticed - the Vicar was one of the people with blue hair. "Uh," Jack stammered, "we think it's likely something contaminating the food or water or something else people around here have come in contact with... a lot... recently..."
Owen was evidently fighting to keep a straight face and Jack himself was almost in pain trying to hold in the laughter tickling inside his belly.
"Well, I'm sure you'll find out what's going on soon," the Vicar said, oblivious, "so everything can get back to normal. It's difficult to give services with blue hair. No one takes you seriously."
"I'd imagine." Jack managed to choke out. He bit his lip, begging himself to hold on a little longer.
"I best get back to the church, then," the Vicar murmured, "funeral to help plan. God be with you both."
"Er, yeah, you too." Owen said, sounding like he was holding his breath to keep from laughing.
As soon as the Vicar was out of sight, Jack and Owen raced back to the motel, into their room, slammed the door shut, and immediately fell to the floor, laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.
"Can you... believe that?" Owen demanded through gasps.
Jack shook his head, unable to speak. He wrapped his arms tightly around his torso, actual tears rolling down his face - and Owen's too.
"The VICAR?!" Owen finally managed to exclaim, causing them both to collapse in even more hysterical laughter.
"Ow ow ow..." Jack groaned, still grinning, "my stomach!" Owen propped himself up against the wall.
"Hey," he murmured, breathing heavily, "you think he says 'peace be with you' after he buys it?"
Jack practically screamed with laughter as Owen slumped back down to the floor, hands over his face.
"Oh God, I'm sorry!" He gasped, lapsing back into hysterics with Jack.
"I'm gonna pee!" Jack exclaimed, kicking his legs in the air. He didn't think they'd ever be able to stop laughing, let alone wrap up the investigation. It was times like this Jack wondered if it was possible to die from laughter. That would at least be a better way to die than... well, pretty much every other way Jack had died in his life.
They both finally managed to stop, gulping in huge breaths like fish out of water. Jack promised himself in that moment that he was never going to let these memories go.