Just Imagine...

Ending It

This had been a long time coming.
Ever since the night Gwen had stayed over at Owen's flat, she'd known this day would come eventually, and now she couldn't deny it anymore. She'd thought long and hard about it, every chance she had a moment to herself, because when the world went quiet around her the guilt came crashing down over her.
In the end, she'd finally made up her mind; Owen was fun to be around, and her many (many, many, many) flings with him were a good way to distract herself from her responsibilities and how hard it was to keep the details of this job from Rhys, but at the end of the day, she didn't love him - not that way, at least.
Not the way she loved Rhys.
The fact that she was going to be saying all of this out loud to Owen in a matter of moments stung like fire, yet at the same time, there was a feeling of relief about it finally being over - no more sneaking around and hiding, no more sidelong glances from Tosh that Gwen knew were concealing jealousy and anger she didn't express to keep Owen (and perhaps Gwen too) safe from getting discovered. No more lying to Rhys - or, not about this, even though there were still plenty of other things she had to lie to him about, but that was a whole other issue, though one that had, ironically, been the thing that got her into this mess in the first place.
Upon spotting Owen across the hub, Gwen momentarily froze, the urge to turn around and run back out to her car to just cry gripping her like a vice for a second. Then Sam bumped into her on the way out of the hub (perhaps deliberately) with a grunt.
"Outta the way, newbie." She grumbled, and Gwen resisted the urge to snap back, though the sudden surge of annoyance at her coworker burned away her hesitation.
Without wasting another second, Gwen strode over to Owen, only regaining the feelings of anxiety when he glanced up at her with a slightly-confused and slightly-concerned expression.
"Hey Gwen," he murmured slowly.
"We need to talk," Gwen cut him off, only talking as loudly as she dared so as not to catch Ianto's attention from his position at the coffee machine, "in private."
At first, the smallest trace of a cheeky smirk crossed Owen's face, before he fully took in the urgency in Gwen's expression, and all of his amusement fell from him in an instant.
He'd realized what Gwen was going to say to him before she'd even got the chance to say it.
"Alright." He sighed gently, gesturing for her to lead the way.
Gwen did so, and started to hang her head before deciding she didn't want to look as defeated as she felt right now and lifting it back up.
She hadn't picked out an exact spot to have this conversation - not like she could anyway, with the hub being the insane maze it was - but she found herself leading Owen to the upper levels and then into the boardroom.
"You wanna break things off." Owen stated as soon as he'd shut the door behind them. It wasn't even a question, he just knew exactly what she was about to say.
"Yes," Gwen murmured softly, finally letting the facade drop, "I do."
Owen simply nodded, pointedly not making direct eye contact with her.
"It's not because you weren't good or anything-" she tried.
"I know," Owen cut her off, putting on a smile that looked just a bit too forced, "this was just fun, Gwen. Nothing serious. It wasn't built to last between us."
"Maybe," Gwen said, voice trembling slightly, "but, still... I-I don't wanna hurt you."
"You're not hurting me," Owen insisted, "we're still friends, right? We can just be friends."
"Of course, but... what about Diane?"
Owen's false smile dropped from his face like an oversized dewdrop from a wet leaf.
"We don't need to talk about her," he muttered, "so don't."
"I just didn't wanna make things worse with-"
"They can't get any worse, Gwen. There was a part of me that hoped you wanted to come up here for a quick shag, but I shouldn't ask that of you just to distract me from my hurt. I need to face reality here. I loved Diane, you love Rhys. End of story. But you and I, Gwen?"
He paused, as if waiting for Gwen to finish the thought for him.
"We still love each other, don't we?" Gwen said in a voice barely above a whisper, "or did we ever?"
Owen blinked slowly.
"Not like that." He replied simply, then turned and walked out of the boardroom before Gwen could say another word. 
Gwen stared after him for a moment, letting the tears fall freely.
"Not like that." She repeated agreeingly, even though Owen couldn't hear her anymore. He was right, and she knew it, what she felt for Owen wasn't anything like her love for Rhys.
So way did saying so out loud still hurt so much? Why did it feel like she was losing a part of herself to say her love for Owen was lesser in some way?
Maybe because it wasn't, but maybe because it was. Gwen didn't know which possibility was worse, though her heart was insisting that Owen was more important to her than he'd acted like he was, and she knew he felt the same way.
It was all too confusing, Gwen wanted to go home, but she knew that meant she'd have to do the second part of her job today - telling Rhys the truth. Just when she'd thought she couldn't possibly feel any worse, too. 
For some unknown reason, as Gwen quickly left the hub (and desperately avoided eye contact with Owen as she walked past his desk), she found her mind drifting to Sam.
She wished she could have Sam's nonchalantness about everything - having an affair with a coworker? Don't care, grow up. The person you technically replaced in this job came back crazier? She can fuck off, let's murder her in broad daylight. Oh, me killing the crazy ex-coworker actually saved your life? Pfft, whatever, why are you getting sentimental about it? It's not like I care about you, I didn't do it to save you, I did it to stop her.
All of that being said (or more assumed, Gwen would never know what Sam's thought processes were, if they even had any to begin with), Gwen couldn't deny the fact that Sam had to have known that killing Suzie would save her. She wouldn't have just killed Suzie for no reason besides stopping her from escaping, there were so many other ways to do that besides full-on murder. Although, Sam was a bit... extravagant in her ways of doing things. Overzealous, even. But to the extent of fucking murder? All for nothing? No, Sam couldn't be that cold, Gwen refused to believe it.
As if summoned by her thoughts, Gwen ran into Sam again on the way out of the hub, and found herself staring at her, momentarily speechless.
"What?" Sam asked harshly, "I have stuff to do, where are you galavanting off to?"
Shit. Gwen had been so caught up in her emotions that she'd forgotten this was an actual place of work and Jack probably needed her to be here.
"I just... forgot something at my flat." Gwen muttered quickly, knowing just how obvious it was that she was lying as she said it.
Sam's expression remained neutral (with just a touch of disdain and annoyance that always seemed to be there whenever she looked at Gwen). She didn't say anything more, and neither did Gwen.
They simply brushed past each other like strangers on the street, carrying on to their respective destinations.
Still, Gwen couldn't help but notice the way Sam hesitated slightly when their sleeves brushed against each other, or how her footsteps faltered momentarily in a way that made Gwen think she'd turned to glance over her shoulder at her, and with something softer than contempt.
Gwen ignored it, deciding she'd just imagined it, and continued the long walk out to her car.