Just Imagine...

Dandelions

A deep sadness and loneliness had settled in the pit of Sam's stomach. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this despairing, if she ever had before. She felt empty. Hollow. Numb. Because she'd lost almost everything. She leaned against Zephyr, the only part of her family she had left.
"Jay took the kids home," she murmured softly, "and I don't know if I'll ever join them. And the team... Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Owen, Tosh... they're better off without me. So I don't know why I'm still trying to find them. It would be best if they just forgot about me."
Zephyr rumbled sadly and nuzzled Sam's head with her cheek.
"I just wanna see them one last time," Sam sighed, voice hitching in her throat, "so I can at least apologize. Tell them I love them. I tried so hard to tell them before but I just couldn't. Not the way I wanted to. Why am I like this? Why can't I just figure out what I want??"
Sam knew the answer to that question, of course. She knew what she wanted, she had all along. But she couldn't have it. That was the thing with her; she wanted things she ended up being unable to have.
She thought of the vision she'd had only a few days ago, when she'd met Mica and Rhiannon and the rest of Ianto's family. It had been a beautiful wish. But not something that was possible. All the perfect dreams dancing behind her eyes when she slept were just that; dreams. Lucid fantasies. Why couldn't she just have them? Just once? Hold them close and never ever let them go? It wasn't fair.
It just wasn't fair.
But Sam's life had never been fair, had it? Right from the start she couldn't have what she wanted. She wanted to play outside with her friends, and her father's parents would always stop her. She wanted to grow up next to her Abuelo, and he'd died before she reached adulthood. She wanted to explore the whole universe with the Doctor, but he'd had to leave her behind for her protection. She wanted to live a peaceful life in Saint Lucia with her family, and then Jack had stumbled in and turned not only her life but her heart upside down, and she knew she had to go with him. And now she wanted to have her whole family with her, but they would likely never talk to her again and she was all alone except for the one friend who had stood by her through everything since she was five years old. Sam put her arms around Zephyr.
"I love you, Zephyr." She murmured. When she looked down, she saw a Dœn dandelion blooming between them, it's feathery peach-colored flowers blowing gently in the wind. Sam picked it from the ground, looked at it for a second, then closed her eyes and blew on it. The tiny flowers drifted away on the wind until there were none left on the stem, leaving an empty stalk behind.
"I'd tell you what I wished for, but it's bad luck," Sam laughed to Zephyr, "and it was stupid anyway."