Just Imagine...

Is It Too Soon?

"It's too soon." Ianto murmured one evening when he and Sam were outside on the porch, rocking gently back and forth on a bench-swing and watching the sunset.
"Come again?" Sam asked gently.
"Nothing. Never mind."
"No no, tell me."
"I'm not sure if I can without crying."
"That's alright, Sweetness."
Ianto took a deep breath.
"It's too soon for me to have a relationship with Jack, Lisa was killed less than a month ago, so I shouldn't forget her like this." He said quickly before the tears started.
"But you're not forgetting her!" Sam exclaimed, putting her hand on his shoulder.
"Yes I am," Ianto whimpered, covering his face with his hands, "I'm betraying her! I loved her, and now I'm sleeping with the man who killed her!"
"You feel guilty." Sam said. It wasn't a question, she seemed to know.
"Yes." Ianto sniffed. Sam was silent, pensive.
"Ianto, listen," she murmured, "I never had the pleasure to meet Lisa, but if I had, I'm sure I would've seen that she loved you. Still does, wherever she is now, somewhere beyond in the Realm of the Dead. And Ianto," she gently turned Ianto's tear-streaked face to look at her, "I think, she wants you to be happy. And being with Jack makes you happy, doesn't it?"
Ianto thought about that for a moment.
"Yeah," he said finally, "it feels like... when I'm with him, all my problems go away. I felt that even before Lisa... when I got near him none of that existed anymore. It was just me and him, him and me. And I liked that. Even though I know he doesn't care about-"
"Oh honey, please don't say that," Sam cut him off, "you mean more to him than you think."
"No I don't." Ianto laughed bitterly.
"Yes you do!" Sam insisted.
"Oh, stop it, Sam! I know I don't matter!"
"You matter to me! You matter to Jack! You matter to all of us!"
Ianto's eyes teared up again at the fierce affection in her voice.
"I mattered to Lisa." He croaked out.
"And you still do," Sam said, "I always hate using the past tense with people who have died. Saying 'I loved them' is like saying you don't love them anymore, but the people I've lost... I still love them, almost more now that they're not here anymore. And wherever they are now, somewhere beyond the stars where we can't see them and can only catch traces of them when we're on the edge of sleep, they love me too. And someday, although I hope it's many years from now when I'm old and grey and have lived a long and happy life, I'll see them again. My soul will leave my body and cross over to the Realm of the Dead."
Ianto was sobbing silently at the beauty and emotion of Sam's words, and when she realized that she put her arm around him and pulled him closer on the bench-swing.
"It's alright, Ianto," she murmured softly, ruffling his hair and resting her cheek on his forehead, "you go on ahead and have a good cry. Let it all out, baby. I know you've been hurting, I know life is hard and confusing for you right now, but it'll get better, I promise you. I'll do whatever it takes to take the pain away and make you happy again."