Reapers

Chapter 61: Self Deprecation Seems to be Virgil's Best Friend

CW: self deprecating thoughts, grief, talk about death

People always say that when a family member dies, their memory keeps them alive. Can that be applied to when a family member's soul fades away completely? What even happens to them? They're just... gone.

Why does it happen? How does it even happen? How could anyone allow such a horrible thing? And what are you supposed to do when it's your fault?

Virgil didn't want to get up, why should he? He was angry at himself, he deserved to rot. Honestly that's what he would get if he just crossed over, he would get what he truly deserves. He's going to Tartarus afterall. But like the coward he is, he's too afraid to give himself what he deserves.

So he just laid on the couch when he woke up again. It was late, he didn't even know how he got back here, and Roman was asleep on the other side of the couch. But Virgil just didn't want to move. Not that it would make a difference anyway. Getting up wouldn't bring Sal back.

Was there even a way to bring Sal back? Surely Virgil has heard about something that could help her. There had to have been at least one soul who returned from fading. It had to be possible! Virgil had to make it right!

But he couldn't. It was impossible, he knew it was. He couldn't even fool himself, he knew that there was no coming back. And it really was his fault. He was too slow... and he shot the gun.

He was stuck in his torturous thoughts well until the morning. His mind just wouldn't let him go, it was a living Hell. He tried to be quiet as tears fell from his eyes, trying to silence his hiccups, but it was practically impossible.

Obviously Roman heard when he woke up, or maybe Virgil woke him up because he couldn't do anything right. Either way, Roman quietly called, "Virgil?"

The purple reaper pulled his cloak around him tighter, trying to hide himself. He heard Roman sigh and get up, thinking he had walked away. Instead he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Roman had left his body and sat in front of him.

He looked tired, but still tried to give Virgil a smile. "It's going to be okay," he promised. "Everything's alright."

"No it's not, I killed Sal," he cried. "I deserve to go to Tartarus."

"That's not true, you did everything you could."

"It wasn't enough. I couldn't save her. She turned into a shadow and it's all my fault."

"No it wasn't!" Roman pulled Virgil's cloak away. "I-I know this is hard, I don't want to accept that she's gone either, but I promise that it wasn't your fault. You tried at least, you were the first one to respond."

"I shot her with her own gun! She called me for help and I shot her! She was infected, I couldn't help her, I tried to get her to cross over but she didn't. If I had been faster then she would still be here."

Roman took Virgil's hand as the purple reaper looked away. "You still tried, you did everything you could." He felt tears come back in his eyes. "It's hard to go through this, I know what it's like losing family-"

"You got Remus back! There's no way I can get Sal back! Even when Remus died, you believed that you would be reunited after death!" Virgil sat up, pulling his hand out of Roman's grasp. "Sal is gone forever! Nothing can change that! And it's my fault!"

"No, Ren is the one responsible."

Virgil stopped, frowning. "Ren... she... Sal was going to say something about her." His stare became harder and he growled out. "What did she do?"

Roman sighed, not sure if he regretted what he was saying. On one hand, Virgil was no longer being so hard on himself. On the other... he will do something reckless. "We unlocked Sal's phone and found a video. She caught Ren summoning phantoms, and then Ren caught her. The video cut off after that so we didn't see her do anything, but we can assume that Sal's state was caused by her."