Birdflash oneshots 2

Truly changed

Dick sat on the roof of the Manor, looking down as Bruce played basketball with Tim and Jason. Secretly, and Dick would never admit it, but he almost wished he was an only child. Jason, Tim, even Damian always had Bruce's attention. The most Dick usually was the odd "good morning" and a stack of files. Bruce only played games with him when he was visibly upset, and Dick hated that. It felt more like he was just something to have, to polish and show off but never truly cherish. He could see why. He was the first, the prototype for better Robins and heroes. He was the experiment that nobody expected to succeed. People would admire him for being the beginning point, but nobody would care after that. Hell, he could probably die tomorrow, and Bruce would probably be more concerned with who was going to do his files. Dick sighed, leaning back against the roof and looking at the stars. He missed Wally. Wally always made the bad feelings better. 

Dick heard a window open, and feet pattered against the roof. He watched as Barbara sat down next to him. "Hey." 

"Hey. Want to talk about it?" 

"Not really." 

"Dick, I know that face. You're getting those thoughts again." 

"I can't help it. My brain just gets going, and then I can't stop it." 

"Yeah, but they all came from somewhere. Tell me what started all this." 

Dick sighed again. "I dunno. I guess I just...I noticed it with Jason, and then with Tim, and now with Damian. Hell, I even noticed it with you. He was more willing to take off of work and leave to see them do great things than he was with me. And I get it. I do. I was a circus kid that could barely speak English who struggled in school. They were all child prodigies who spoke multiple languages and never struggled. The more I looked, the more I saw it. He was more open with affection around them. He had no problems hanging up their medals and displaying their trophies, yet mine still sit in the attic. I know I don't live here anymore, but it would be nice to be seen, ya know? I want to be noticed for something other than who I take down. I feel like I'm living in the shadows. Nobody wants me until I can offer them something. I understand why the others don't. Jason came back from the dead. Tim's the smartest kid I know. You're hella good with computers. Damian is Bruce's biological son. There's not much I can offer him."

Barbara laid down next to him, gently elbowing his arm. "You're looking at all the negatives again. You have so much to offer, Dick. Who taught me how to handle computers? Who can do all those crazy tricks in the air? Who's always got a sense of humor that makes everyone smile? That's all you, Dick." 

"It's still bleeding away. I'm not the only person who's good with computers anymore. Jason makes jokes that leave Superman rolling on the floor. Damian's been trying to copy my acrobatics, and he's getting pretty damn close too. Everything that makes me is being taken away and given to others. I don't have anything anymore." 

"Well, you're the only one of us who grew up in a circus and spoke a language before English. As much as Damian wants to deny it, I know he learned Arabic second. You're the hero of Blüdhaven, which we can't claim. You were Wally's boyfriend. You are the one hero besides Superman that everyone trusts. You've been through so much that we can't even think about, and yet you somehow keep smiling. You're strong, and you're you. We can't take that away from you. They may admire your talents, but they can't ever be at your level. Tim and I both struggle in different  areas that you can do effortlessly. Jason makes jokes about his trauma that leaves people shocked and offset. As much as Damian wants to perform your acrobatics, his body type is going to get in the way. He's going to be like Bruce and Jason, built like a brick. He'll have to fight like they will. You have your own fighting style that we can't even begin to copy. All of that is you. If Bruce doesn't see that, he's a deadbeat and he's blind. Don't tie your self worth to what he sees. Don't tie your self worth to us. Tie it to you. Tie it to what you've achieved. That's what Wally would want you to do."

Barbara sat up again, offering a hand to Dick. "Come on." 

"Where are we going?" 

"We're gonna patrol a little. Just you and me."

 "At nine PM?" 

"Yeah! Criminals are learning Batman's patterns. I'm sure we'll find something to do. Besides, if we don't, it gets you away from the stupid thoughts in your head. Come on." Barbara pulled Dick up, leading him back through the window to his room. 

"So, how'd you know I was out there?" 

"I may not be in a relationship with you anymore, but I know your comfort spots. You usually go to the roof when Bruce is being an ass. Now hurry up. I'll tell Alfred we're heading out." The duo made the trek down to the cave, making small talk every now and then. They ran across Alfred in the cave and told him they were leaving  before they nabbed the Batmobile.  Bruce would be fine without it. He'd used his motorcycle for years now. Tim and Jason would also be fine. Damian? Well, he wasn't allowed to drive yet, but that wouldn't matter. Bruce would probably make him ride along with someone else. Barbara didn't really care about that right now. What she was concerned about was Dick. Bruce had done a real hack job of being a parent to him. She needed to get him away for a bit, and maybe smack some sense into Bruce.

After a few minutes, Barbara perched Dick on a tall building and left with the promise of coffee. Dick could see all of Gotham from this point, along with the painful sight of the Manor. Did Bruce even know they were gone? Would he care? Maybe he was secretly glad that Dick wasn't there. At least he couldn't mess anything up out here. There wasn't anything to break, no computers to hack, no problems he could create. It was just him and the empty air. Sure, there were people and honking cars down below, but he felt like they were in another world. He wondered what that would be like, to just disappear. Sure, he's done things like it before, but somebody always knew where he was. He wanted to know what it would be like to truly disappear. To have the freedom to explore the world, to not be missed by people who just wanted his talents. He wondered what it was like, to no longer exist in the life you had. He wanted to start over. Sure, he'd miss his family and his friends, but he was tired of filling expectations about an old him. He wasn't the same person anymore. He'd changed. Why did people still treat him like the little kid he used to be?

He still remembered the first time Wally had seen Bruce stressed. It had been a long week of fighting villains, and both bats had been exhausted. Dick had been struggling with English homework, and Wally came up with the brilliant idea to try and ask Bruce before he could down a cup of coffee. Needless to say, the redhead found a newfound fear of Bruce Wayne and an entirely new vocabulary consisting of many different languages. He would usually get Dick away from the Manor for a bit when Bruce got stressed, taking him out for food or just to hang out. Wally always seemed to know when Dick needed freedom, and he always provided. Even after they moved in together and moved away from Gotham, Wally had some sort of sixth sense for when Dick needed an escape. It was just one of the many things he'd loved about the speedster.

The bustle of the late night crowd was slowly dispersing when Barbara returned with two cups. "Sorry it took me so long! The line was crazy at the shop." She grinned as she handed him a cup. 

"It's fine. It's not like I was inventing the cure to cancer." 

"No, but I know you. You've been working on something lately, haven't you?" 

Dick nodded. "Yeah. Bruce kept talking about how Scarecrow's gas kept changing too much for a vaccine to be developed, so I decided to see if I could do anything about it. It took a few months, but I finally developed one that would fight against any strain of the gas. I tried to tell Bruce the other day, but he snapped at me that I was interrupting his work. He had no problem helping Damian with homework five minutes later. He had a problem, and I found the solution for it, yet I'm somehow less important than homework. Is it something I did? Did I mess up somewhere? I just don't understand." 

"Dick, that's ridiculous. Why are you still here? He's been treating you like shit." 

Dick shrugged. "I think he's just stressed. He gets angry when he's stressed. I'll probably wait until he's calmed down to tell him." 

"Once again, treating you like shit. Maybe you need to go back to Blüdhaven for a bit. He's clearly got something to work out, and I don't want you around him while he's figuring it out. I know it's your life, but this is not safe for you. Go home. I'll tell Alfred what's going on." 

Dick nodded. "Thanks, Babs." 

"It's no problem. If anyone does this to you again, I'll kick their ass." 

"I have no doubt in that."