As If I'd Ever Be Gay! || Chanlix

Chapter 19

Chan and Felix hadn't spoken for a couple of days. It had basically been a week since their last argument, and things had thankfully calmed down.

Felix hadn't spoken to Chan the whole time he was at the apartment. He even requested Minho let him do some work at home to avoid coming into the office and being near Chan.

The blonde never left his room except for whenever he had to use the bathroom or to smoke. Instead of talking to Chan directly, he would text him from his room whenever he needed something.

Today was their first day off in a couple of days, so Chan was sitting on the couch per usual, watching shows and movies to help pass the time.

He heard his phone go off, looking to see that it was Felix asking him to buy his second pack of cigarettes this week.

Chan sighed. Felix was smoking like a chimney. He never smoked this much before. A pack usually lasts him almost two weeks.

He responded with an okay, yet decided to stay home. He wanted to address this issue in person like actual adults. He made it sound like he was leaving in order to lure Felix out of the room, before running into his room and quietly shutting the door.

He waited until Felix came out. He knew eventually he would because Felix couldn't stay in there all day.

Chan intentionally hid in his room to make it easier to approach Felix. It had been twenty minutes and the blonde finally came out of his cave, checking to see if Chan was anywhere in sight.

Once the coast was clear, he scurried to the back porch to smoke a cigarette. Chan listened closely through his door, hearing the sounds of Felix opening and closing the back sliding door.

He quickly made his way out of the room, meeting with Felix on the back porch. The blonde jumped in fear, cursing once he saw the brunette.

"Why are you here? I thought you left. Don't you have better things to do? Like buy me more cigarettes or hang with your homos?" Felix bitterly said, taking the last cigarette from his pack into his mouth and lighting it.

"I wanted to talk about this." Chan said, grabbing the cancer stick from Felix's lips.

"What are you doing?!" Felix yelled, desperately grabbing at the bud that he was horribly addicted to.

"You are smoking too much, Felix. I think you should quit." Chan said with nothing but good intentions. It felt weird talking to Felix after their argument. He felt nervous, yet the texting back and forth was finally starting to get old.

"I think you should mind your own business. Something you have seemingly lost all ability to do these days." Felix snapped, grabbing hold of Chan's wrist roughly and taking the cigarette back.

He lit it quickly, sucking in the addictive chemicals that burned his throat in a way that was satisfying.

"I don't want you to die at a young age, Lix. Please quick smoking those things. They're horrible for you." Chan said. As much as Felix was a pain, he always loved and cared for him of course. He wanted what was best for his toxic, beautiful, monster of a friend.

"That's the whole point of smoking! I'd be better off six feet under anyways." Felix looked away, having a hard time looking directly into Chan's eyes.

He still felt hurt and betrayed. He felt anxious and nervous being around the older man. The only thing calming his nerves was the delicious nicotine.

"Would you be willing to take baby steps?" Chan asked, trying to negotiate Felix's journey to quitting.

"And why would I do that?" The blonde snapped once more, puffing onto the cigarette while he watched the snow fall from the sky. Felix sniffled, nose growing red from the cold.

"Because I care about you." Chan bluntly said, noticing the red hue on Felix's freckled cheeks. Chan couldn't tell if he was blushing or just cold. Maybe it was a combination of both.

The blonde's teeth chattered, signalling that he was in fact cold. He began shivering the longer he stood outside, only dealing with it to smoke his cigarette.

"W-whatever..." He looked away, cheeks growing deeper in color. Chan couldn't help but smile. He felt bad for the last conversation they had, but it felt nice to finally talk after so long. He was surprised Felix was even allowing this, especially after he had basically came out to him.

"Let's go inside. It's really cold out here." Chan suggested, grabbing hold onto Felix's small wrist to guide him inside. The blonde hesitantly followed him after throwing his cigarette bud away.

Chan sat Felix down on the couch, throwing a super soft Christmas blanket over his small body. Felix didn't know why he was allowing this. It was more than likely because he missed him.

"Want some hot chocolate?" Chan asked from the kitchen.

"S-sure..." Felix shyly responded. He felt nervous and weird. This was the first time Chan has directly spoken to him in a while and he was being so nice to him.

He knew this was Chan's way of apologizing. He's normally super sweet before saying the actual words.

Chan heated themselves both up two mugs of hot chocolate, putting whip cream on top of the cups and making his way to the living room to be met with a now warm Felix.

"Here." Chan smiled, handing the blonde his favorite candy cane mug and taking a seat next to him.

Chan put on Felix's favorite christmas movie, knowing that it would make him even happier in the moment.

The blonde felt happy, yet he couldn't admit it. He was too scared. He sat there with a blush on his face the whole time, hiding it by taking nonstop sips of his hot chocolate. He didn't know why he felt so shy. Maybe it was because Chan came out to him? Why would that matter though? That should make Felix hate him more, yet for some reason he didn't.

Within the first 30 minutes, Chan finally spoke, breaking the tension in the air that still lingered.

"I wanted to apologize, Lix. I am super sorry for everything I said to you. It was really messed up of me." Chan spoke, turning to look at Felix who was too scared to look him in the eyes.

The blonde didn't respond. He only listened, which Chan was okay with. This was how Felix always was.

They sat there quietly for the next hour, before Felix finally blurted out his first few words in a while.

"H-have sex with me."