As If I'd Ever Be Gay! || Chanlix

Chapter 26

Felix walked out into the kitchen around 4 in the morning, finally leaving his room after their final argument of the night.

He flipped the overhead sink light on, eyes locking on the bouquet of flowers he threw away.

He felt a sense of relief when he saw that Chan didn't actually let them go to waste. He took the time to actually admire the flowers. It was a bouquet of roses, the vibrant red bringing a sense of comfort to the blonde.

He felt guilty when he noticed a couple of the roses were disheveled and missing petals.

He put his nose to the flowers, inhaling deeply. His senses filled with the sweet smell, causing him to feel relaxed.

The blonde blushed, finally taking time to appreciate the kind gesture he was too upset to enjoy earlier.

Nobody ever bought him flowers before aside from his mom one year. Felix took the vase into his room, placing the bouquet on his nightstand.

He knew that Chan's intentions were good. He knew that Chan was only trying to make him feel better after all the stress he experienced, yet he still couldn't help the feeling of anger that hid beneath the surface.

He felt like Chan was intentionally doing this to remind him of what he was, something he was still too afraid to accept just yet.

Felix hated how he knew he was in the wrong, because he knew Chan wasn't being kind to him with the intention of hurting him.

Felix's mind pondered endlessly until he finally fell asleep. The following morning he was woken up by the sound of knocking for the second day in a row.

Felix really didn't want to answer, but he felt like he owed it to Chan, given how rude he was to him last night.

Felix didn't say anything upon opening the door, staring blankly at the floor to avoid looking Chan in his eyes.

"Can we talk? Like actually talk?" He asked, causing a sense of panic to settle in the pit of Felix's stomach.

"What do you mean by actually talk?" He asked, heart doing flips in his chest. He hated how he always got so nervous around Chan these days.

"I don't want our conversation to end in an argument. I want to try and approach this differently." The brunette said, locking eyes with Felix for the first time in a while.

The blonde felt his heart skip, face growing red with embarrassment. He didn't know why he was embarrassed. His first instinct was to run, yet he knew he needed to stop doing that.

"You don't have to say anything. All I ask is that you listen please." Chan requested. Chan throwing that into the mix made it easier to say yes, so he opened his door, gesturing for the older man to come in.

Chan couldn't help but smile when he saw the flowers on Felix's bedside table.

Both men sat down on Felix's bed, a great distance between the two of them. Chan made sure to sit far away to make the blonde feel more comfortable.

"So I just want to first say I am sorry." Chan said, breaking the silence after a while.

"I didn't intend for my gesture to upset you. I wanted to cheer you up so I decided to buy you some things. I bought you snacks, a plushie, and foolishly bought flowers as well." Chan spoke, eyes locked with Felix's though Felix was too scared to look at him.

"I know that the timing was horrible, and the flowers didn't really help either." He said, glancing at the beautiful bouquet while he spoke.

"Your timing was horrible." Felix snapped back, causing Chan to crumble a little. The blonde took notice of Chan's barely noticeable reaction, feeling guilty deep down.

"But I-I actually enjoyed the flowers and snacks." Felix said, trying to make Chan feel a bit better. The blonde was painfully aware of how he treated Chan. He knew how horrible and hateful he was. Deep down Felix hated it. He hated how he was such a miserable person, yet he conditioned himself into being like this as a safety net from the truth.

Felix didn't have anything to hide anymore now that he was somewhat out, so he knew that safety net was going to grow useless real fast. There was no point in keeping it up.

Felix treated the one person who loved him and never left him the most horribly. He knew that it was time to start doing better. Chan was doing so by apologizing and taking those first steps, so maybe he could start taking them as well.

"T-there are a few things I would also like to address as well." Felix said nervously. He hated opening up, but he knew that this was needed. As much as he hated these last couple days, all of it was necessary.

"These past couple weeks have been extremely difficult for me. It's gonna be hard-" Felix said, growing nervous yet pushing through.

"It's going to be really hard to adjust to everything. N-now that I am out I feel extremely weird and confused." The blonde nervously spoke.

"I'm sorry, Lix. I would like to help you. I have been acting selfishly these days, I basically forced you to come out and I had no right to do that. I'm terribly sorry." The older man said, noticing Felix get closer to him.

If it was one thing Felix loved most, it was affection and being touchy. He always appreciated it most when under stress. Chan knew that all too well, getting closer as rubbing gentle circles on the blonde's back.

"I-it was necessary, don't apologize  please." He said, melting into Chan's touch.

"I am unsure of where to go from here, but things will be hard to get used to. You did me a favor really. I couldn't keep living like that, I began to hate it more when I realized I started wanting more." Felix softly spoke, nervously playing with the strings of his pajama pants.

"What do you mean by that?" Chan asked, curious to hear more. Felix felt a usual burst of anger at the sudden question, swallowing down the negative feelings to avoid past mistakes.

"I-I don't think I am comfortable answering that right now." He shyly said, a deep blush resting on his pretty face. Felix knew the reason, he just wasn't ready to say it quite yet.

"That's okay." Chan smiled, continuing to rub circles on the blonde's back. His smile only grew bigger when Felix rested his head on the brunette's broad shoulder.

They sat comfortably in silence all the way up until Chan had to leave for work. Felix was thankful Minho allowed him to work at the house. He had one more week before he had to return, so he was going to enjoy it to the best of his ability.