As If I'd Ever Be Gay! || Chanlix

Chapter 17

Chan made his way to the closest store, buying a package on instant noodles, a can of coke, and cigarettes for his miserable best friend.

When he got home, he was greeted with the sight of a sleeping blonde lump on the couch. Chan couldn't help but smile, knowing Felix had been waiting for his return.

He quietly set the bags onto the table, hoping to not wake the beast that was sleeping oh so peacefully. He tiptoed to his room, shutting the door quietly and pulling out his phone. He had two unread texts from Hyunjin.

hyunjinnie ^-^ :
today was really nice but tonight will be even better :)
12:45pm

hyunjinnie ^-^ :
you looked really cute today btw
12:56pm

Chan smiled at the sweet texts, responding to them before laying down. He didn't think much of Hyunjin's behavior. He didn't think it was odd because the younger male was always this way. Hyunjin has always been such a kind soul. That's originally what made Chan fall so hard for him back in high school.

Hyunjin and Felix were two completely different people. Hyunjin was sweet, kind, and loving. Felix on the other hand was mean, manipulative, and overall horrible. Chan has been aware of that for years, yet his love for Felix has never changed despite the fact. The older man knew a lot of the reasons why Felix was always so miserable.

His family life had never been the greatest and he grew up with no friends. Throughout school, Felix was a loner. He never hung out with anybody other than Chan. He didn't view others worth his time.

Many girls and men even, admired him and always thought of Felix as the handsome mysterious guy they so desperately wanted to learn more about, but that was the last thing the blonde ever wanted while in high school. The only thing he ever wanted was Chan's attention, and when he didn't have that, he didn't want anything else.

Chan never questioned why Felix was so clingy. He never knew why Felix depended on him so much. He had always figured the answers to those questions was because Chan was all Felix really had.

The blonde has always been desperate and greedy for Chan's attention. Even to this day things have not changed. Things have gotten worse actually. Felix's happy moments have decreased drastically within the past couple weeks.

Believe it or not, Felix was actually a happier soul a couple weeks before all the problems started. He became worse when Changbin started hitting on him. His excessive touching and clingy behavior was also growing worse each day. 

Felix's outbursts and temper tantrums were all linked to all the problems the blonde was bottling up. His mental state had declined drastically. Chan's prying combined with secrets he could never admit to anybody had started to weigh heavy on him. He's been spiraling out of control for two weeks now. 

Chan noticed all of this. He thought maybe this was Felix's cry for help. He had the option to leave him and finally get rid of Felix and his toxicity, but he never had that in his heart. He knew Felix needed him now more than ever. He couldn't leave him, so his choice of action was to help Felix any way he could. Even if that meant breaking the blonde down to finally free himself of stress. 

The older man left his room to see Felix had woken up. The blonde was leaning over the counter, watching the time tick away on the microwave while his instant noodles cooked. 

"Feeling any better?" Chan asked, trying to see if maybe he could help Felix feel better. 

"Why do you care? Don't you have other things to worry about?" The blonde said, pulling out the instant noodles and putting the seasoning and sauce into the bowl. Chan watched as the blonde stirred the noodles, face blank and emotionless. 

"I still care about you, Lix." Chan said in response, hoping to reassure the blonde. 

"As if I actually want you to care about me." He snapped, grabbing a pair on chopsticks before sitting at the kitchen table. "Hand me my coke will you?" He asked. Chan rolled his eyes, grabbing the can off the table and handing it to the blonde who snatched it away forcefully. 

The older man sighed, taking a seat across from his best friend. "You and I both know that isn't the case." Chan reluctantly said. Maybe if he forced the truth out of Felix, the blonde would finally feel happy. Maybe things would be better from him. 

"Excuse me?" Felix said, voice laced with nothing but hostility. 

"You have always gone through such extremes just to make sure you have my attention." The older man said in response. 

"W-we don't need to be talking about me right now. We should be talking about you actually." The blonde stated, trying to deflect the conversation. 

"Me? What did I do?" The older man questioned, watching Felix get up from the table and throw away his barely touched food. "I bought that for you!" Chan shouted. He found it much more difficult keeping his temper at bay when Felix was acting out this badly. It's never gotten this bad before. 

"I bought that for you." The blonde mocked, rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

"You know what you've been doing." Felix said, nothing but hatred in his eyes. "What?" The older man asked. 

"You've been hanging out with those faggots! You're tainted!" He shouted loudly. Chan tried to think of words to say, yet he wasn't sure of how to respond to something like that. His patience was running thin. 

"Stop using that word!" He shouted back. He hated hearing such hateful words. He hated how cruel Felix was. Felix made loving him so difficult. 

"What, Faggot? I'll say it all I want." He yelled, tears falling from his eyes at this point. 

"Just stop." Chan begged, heart racing from the anxiety. They argued, but never like this. 

"Faggot. Faggot. Faggot! Fucking faggot!" The blonde kept saying it, pushing Chan over the edge. 

"You are the fucking faggot here! You are the one who is gay! You are the one who is secretly in the closet!" Chan yelled back, finally cracking after years of abuse. Felix stood there stunned, sobs leaving his pretty lips while tears fell rapidly. 

"No! Y-you're wrong! I'm not fucking gay!" The small boy cried out. 

"Really?! You aren't?! Let me point out a few things to you then, hmm? Why is it that I've never seen you with a girl or ever have a girlfriend before if you're so 'straight' huh?" Chan asked, hating each second of this argument. Felix looked so broken, so hurt, yet Chan couldn't control it. 

"How come you've always been so desperate for my attention? So desperate you chased away a person I really cared for? So desperate you that you tried taking all my friends away. You tried taking away everything you viewed as a threat when it came to my attention being directed towards anything other than you." The older man said, knowingly hitting Felix in areas where it hurt most. The look on his face was evident. 

"You touch and cuddle me like we are dating! I can't count how many times I've caught you staring at me either. You won't reject Changbin because you enjoy the attention he gives you. Not to mention you kissed me a week ago! Straight men aren't homophobic unless they're hiding something, Felix." Chan said, rant almost hitting it's climax. 

"You hate gay people so much, but guess what Lix, I am gay! I am a fucking homo! I'm a fucking faggot, and so are you! The sooner you admit that the better you'll feel!" Chan screamed, eyes locked on the small blonde who was crying hysterically. Chan felt horrible for the damage he had caused. Adrenaline rushed through his body. He had been holding all of that in for years. 

He quickly grabbed his coat and keys, running out of the apartment and towards his car. He drove off to Minho's house to hopefully calm himself down. Both of the men definitely needed space after today.