Abrasion (Mikaelson)

Das Creepy

Sorry this isn't a chapter, but I was just thinking about something. You know how everyone's thinking about how creepy Edward and Bella are together because she's a teenager and he's like 108. Well I just thought of this, but why hasn't anyone realized how creepy the romances in the world of the Vampire Diaries are.

Stefan and Elena: he's like 163, she was what? 16? 17? When they started dated, do you know how creepy that is? Creepier than Edward and Bella.

Damon and Elena: despite the fact Damon is like 172, Elena was dating his younger brother. He looks like 25, does nobody in Mystic Falls find this relationship between a guy that looks 25 and a girl that's like 18 at all creepy? Because that's what it is, creepy. My parents flip when I date a guy that's two years older than me, yet Jenna was all like "oh look at him, he's cute. I totally don't mind my 16 year old niece bringing this guy into my house." What the hell?

Elijah and Katherine: first of all, she's half his age. She was like 17 when they met and he was like five hundred years old. Das creepy. And she looks exactly like Tatia who Elijah KILLED, although I won't hold that against him because he didn't remember, it's still creepy as shit.

Rebekah and Stefan: okay, I get that they're both vampires and hey, it's cool and I totally shipped it. But she's like over a thousand years old and he's only like 162. Picture a 20-30 year old girl creeping on a 5 year old boy. That's some serious pedophilia.

Klaus and Hayley: surely not the creepiest relationship, but certainly one of them. Hayley is like 20, Klaus is an over a thousand year old hybrid and they have sex because their love interests (Tyler and Caroline) are together and unavailable to them. Not to mention he impregnates her, not only did this one night stand occur but now they have a baby. He's over a thousand years old, she's 20! Think about that for a minute.

Katherine, Stefan, and Damon: this is worse than Elena, Stefan, and Damon for many reasons. First off Katherine is five hundred years old (like four hundred when she met them). That's a much bigger age difference than either of the Salvatores have with Elena. Second, she had sex with them BOTH at the SAME time (not technically the exact same time but in the same general time period), Elena didn't do that shit. Third, she was compelling them and feeding from them which is just hella scary and mentally disturbing.

Klaus and Genevieve: this is a one thousand year old vampire werewolf hybrid sleeping with a hundred year old resurrect witch to form and uphold an alliance, nuff said.

Caroline and Matt: Matt is your best friend's ex, Caroline, have you never heard of the girl code? Plus you're a vampire, how long do you expect that relationship is going to last before he realizes you aren't aging or you eat him? Vampires should not have relationships with humans.

Rebekah and Marcel: okay Beks, your brother Klaus says this guy is like his son which makes him like your nephew.

Klaus and Camille: he compels her to date someone else, compels her to do a bunch of shit, and compels her to forget feeling sad about her dead brother. I don't much like Camille, but if you've got to leave yourself notes and secret messages telling you not to trust this guy because he's over a thousand year old you probably shouldn't be having any sort of relationship with him at all. It's a good thing you haven't slept with him.

Klaus and Caroline: don't get me wrong, I'll ship Klaroline until the day I die, but their relationship is creepier than a spider. He put her life in danger with the deadly to a vampire werewolf bite just to get invited into her house and put his blood inside her. Then he danced with her at the ball and the decade dance, does no one notice these teenage girls dancing with guys way too old for them? Must be as blind to that as they are to underage drinking. Klaus is the cause of the deaths of all these people caroline knows and at graduation he decapitates someone for her, how romantic. Then when they do get together it's because Klaus promises it's a one night stand (or one whole afternoon into the night stand) and it takes place while Matt is buried alive. Oh and he also possessed the body of her boyfriend to make out with her.

Hayley and Elijah: this is like Marcel and Rebekah in the opposite way, Hayley is the mother of Elijah's niece. What happens when Hope grows up and asks why you're sleeping with her uncle instead of her father? The two of you are basically family, Elijah called her family! She was pregnant with Elijah's brother's kid when they started liking each other. And again, Hayley is TWENTY! Elijah is a THOUSAND. He is fifty times her age! Bet you can't say that about your boyfriends (or any non-fictional crush you have in case you're a loner like me)

Elijah and Celeste: okay this bitch came back to possess someone else and basically stalked him for months, do you not find that creeoy? And the only scenes we really ever see of them are them making out or having erotic bathtub scenes and talking about spanking, this isn't Fifty Shades of Grey, do the two of you do anything else? And then there's the age difference, once again coming into play.

Caroline and Enzo: okay this one is just cute, sure there's a bit of an age difference but I'm not sure how much of an age difference exactly, I know he's younger than the Salvatores though. So what like 60, 70 years? The same kind of age difference between every gold digger and her husband, too bad he's immortal Caroline otherwise you could get in on his cash.

Bonnie and Jeremy: nothing's really "creepy" about their relationship except the fact they've died like a thousand times between the two of them and come back to life. And bonnie was the anchor for some time, does that make her like half dead? If so then Jeremy was having sex with a half dead girl.

Silas and Quetsiah (Tessa): alright Silas, you little douchebag listen up! You do not say you're going to marry some girl just to get her hell making you and your actual love interest immortal. You could have asked her nicely, you know made a deal. If you help us, immortality to the three of us and all that drama in season four of TVD and the first half of season five could have been avoided. You could have saved yourself a lot of pain, Silas. But instead she locks you in a tomb and creates and entire dimension to make you be with her, that's just whack. By the way, whose freaking heart did Quetsiah use to trick Silas into thinking Amara was dead? Like what the hell?

Silas and Amara: oh, true love... As if. This guy waits in a tomb for you for two thousand years and the first thing you do when you reunite is shove a chunk of glass his throat? You little asshole. (That's not really creepy, I just had things to say)

Tyler and Caroline: their relationship was built on Caroline putting herself in life threatening danger to watch Tyler get half naked and turn into a wolf. Is that not weird?

Kol and Davina: the creepiest relationship in the vampire diaries. This is a one thousand year old Original Vampire possessing the body of a teenage witch and an actual teenage witch (like 16, to be exact) making out. Not only is Kol manipulating her for the first half of their relationship, but when he comes back he's going to be in the body of a guy that's like 20-22 years old and actually a thousand. She's 16! He's an Original Vampire, if they have sex he will probably break her. And what if he gets her pregnant? I mean magic made him a vampire, but he was born a witch. That pregnancy is just one of nature's loopholes. What then, Kol? She's 16!

Now I know I missed a few, but most of the ones I missed aren't that creepy. If I missed something creepy let me know, and thanks for listening to me rant. I'll try to have the next chapter up sometime soon. Love you! Muah!

-Mikaela