Outside || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 66

By the time it was 1:30AM, Luke and I were the only 2 people left around the fire pit.
We had been quiet for the last 10 minutes and my mind had wondered of to the letter.
I re-read it in my head 4 times, and I still remembered every single part of it.
Of course I still carried it around all the time, but instead of constantly taking it out when I wanted to feel close to my parents, I now “read” the letter in my head.
But something about this day, told me to take the letter out of my pocket.
I was still sitting in between Luke’s  legs and he was still mindlessly drawing circles on my hand.
I got the letter out of my pocket and looked at it.
I didn’t want to open it because then I would automatically read it, I just wanted to hold it.
Holding the letter almost felt like holding my parents.
If I would’ve known that I was never going to see my parents again after they left to go grocery shopping, I wouldn’t have denied my mom’s hug and my dad’s kiss on my cheek. That’s probably the thing that hurt the most.
It was the last hug and the last kiss, they would’ve ever given me and I refused to let them because they didn’t want to let me go outside.
Now I couldn’t even remember the last time they hugged or kissed me.
I looked at the fire pit that was slowly starting to go out.
Even though I felt like I wasn’t ready to let go of the letter, something told me that now was the time to do it.
So I stood up and turned around to face Luke.
The tears were already burning behind my eyes because of what I was about to do, but it felt like the right thing.
Just because it was a hard thing to do, didn’t mean it was the wrong thing.
If I would hold on to it any longer, I would never be able to completely pull myself together again.
‘What’s wrong?’ Luke asked quietly while standing up as well.
‘I’m going to burn it’ I said, looking from the letter in my hand to the fire pit.
‘Are you sure about that?’ he asked.
I nodded, because I didn’t trust my voice enough to actually say it.
Luke took my hand in his and squeezed it softly, leading me closer to the fire pit.
I opened the letter for the last time, but couldn’t read the words through the tears that had formed.
I took a deep breath and dropped the letter in the fire without giving it a second thought.
Luke quietly pulled me in a hug and we watched the letter as it slowly turned to ashes.
Memories completely filled my mind.
I remembered how my dad always gave me piggyback rides through the house when I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and how my mom would always scold him for it.
I remembered how my mom helped me put on her wedding dress when I was 6 just because I wanted to know what it would feel like to wear it.
I remembered how we would always watch a movie together on Fridays and how my dad and I always ended up arguing over what movie we wanted to see because he always wanted to watch Disney movies and I didn’t.
I remembered everything and I didn’t realize I had started sobbing until Luke wrapped his arms around me even tighter and rested his head on top of mine.
And by doing that, he filled my mind with even more memories.
Memories about the way my mom used to hug me when I was sad, and when my dad used to hug me if I was grumpy because they wouldn’t let me go outside.
But I didn’t want Luke  to let go of me.
Instead, I needed him even closer, as if he was the only thing keeping the memories alive, and the only person who was able to keep me from crumbling down and becoming like I was at the beginning of the road trip.
Luke pressed a kiss on the top of my head and slowly swayed us from the left to the right.
‘I’m proud of you Ivy and I’m sure your parents would be proud of you too’ he whispered, pressing another kiss on my head and resting his cheek on top of it.
I nodded and tried to calm myself down a little.
‘I don’t even know what happened to them or where they are now’
Luke sniffed and took a deep breath.
‘I’m sure there’s a way to figure out where they are if you want to?’ he said, but I immediately shook my head.
‘I don’t want to know where they are, I probably want to go to that place and I’ll never leave. All I want to know is what exactly happened.‘