If thoughts could kill* WWE fanfic

Part 33

Eva shoves me a little trying to get me back to reality. John is still in one knee with a smile on his face, the crowd is still looking. I feel my heart on my throat, I honestly don't know what to do or say. Johns face shows that he's worried. This is what I wanted, why am I not saying yes? Why do I not feel happy? Why am I not hugging and kissing John? Why am I worried about Seth? Why?

"I need to talk to you." It comes out like a whisper and Johns smile disappears. The crowd looks shocked as I walk away, John is following me behind. I walk out the arena, the wind is blowing in my face. "Nicole! What the hell?!" John grabs my hand and turns me around.

"John I-" he interrupts me, "Why didn't you say yes? Why? Isn't this what you wanted?" He looks sad and disappointed. The ring must be in his pocket cause he's not holding it anymore. "It is what I wanted." I whisper.

"Then what's holding you up? What's the matter?" He asks. "I just- I wanted you to ask me for marriage but because you want to. I didn't want you to ask me because you felt forced to." The tears have started to build up in my eyes.

"Nicole, no. I didn't do it because of that. I did it because these past few days I've noticed that I can't live without you. I love everything about you, and I want to commit to our relationship. I want to take that big step, you made me believe in love again." I never thought John would say this. He's not that kind of guy that says his emotions like that. A tear falls from my eyes but not because I'm happy, it's because I'm so confused.

I don't know what I feel anymore. I don't know what I feel towards John. I just don't know anymore. He wipes my tears and gives my forehead a kiss. "Don't cry." He says. I sniffle, "John that's so sweet." It's all I can say.

He smiles, "So is that a yes?" I hold my breath and close my eyes. "Nicole," he says after a few seconds. "Nicole.." His voice is quiet it's like a whisper. "I'm sorry for being a douche, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for all those times I ever hurt you." Oh God why?! Why can't I just say yes?! Why am I still doubting my love for John?

"I need time." His face turns pale, "Time?" I nod, "Yes time. I'm confused right now. I don't know my feelings anymore."

"You mean your feelings for me? You're doubting your feelings for me?" He looks hurt. I'm a terrible person, I feel horrible. I already hurt Seth and now John? "I just need time, John." He nods and looks devastated. I can't believe I'm doing this to him. He just confessed that I made him believe in love and now I'm destroying all his hopes.

~
I dial Bries number with my hand shaky. "Hey sis! What's up?" Brie answers happily, "Hey Brie."

"Oh no, what did John do?" She asks. "How do you know it's about John?" I ask, "I am your twin sister Nicole, I can practically read your mind. I know your tone of voice." It's true, sometimes it creeps me out how Brie and I can read and feel each other's feelings.

"He asked me to marry him." I say quickly, Brie squeals so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. "Oh my gosh sister! I'm so happy for you! When's the wedding? Oh my gosh, we got so much planning to do! The wedding dress, the wedding shoes, the wedding cake! Oh my goshhhh!"

"I haven't told him yes." Brie stops blabbing about the wedding. "Say what now?" I sigh, "Yeah you heard me."

"What is wrong with you? Why not?" Brie sounds worried, "I- I .. Uh." I don't even know what to say. "I thought this is what you wanted." She says, "It is what I wanted but I don't know anymore. Gosh, I wish you were here with me." At days like this I wish Brie was here. She's my other half, and I need her support more than ever.

"There's something you aren't telling me. Why haven't you said yes? You're always talking about how you wanted John to propose and now he finally did but you haven't said yes. What's really holding you up?"

"I .. I Uh. I-" I don't even know what to tell her. "It's Seth isn't it?" My heart beats faster as she mentions Seth's name. "N-no." I say in a shaky voice. "Nicole." She says in a warning voice. "Okay, okay. Fine it's Seth. Like I'm confused, I don't know what to think anymore."

"You like him?" She asks, I bite my lip nervously. "That's the thing. I don't know." She sighs, "Nikki you're going to have to make up your mind. Either you love John or you like Seth. This is very important. You have to think this through, I'm not trying to worry you or anything but I'm serious this is very important. If you say yes to John and you like Seth you won't be happy and you certainly won't make John happy. But if you're confused about your feelings towards Seth and you say no to John you'll regret it."

I start to cry, "Oh no Nicole, sorry to hurt you but it's the truth." I wipe my tears, "I know, Brie I know. Thanks for being honest."

After we hang up I lay on my bed. My head is pounding bad. "Dude, what happened?" Paige asks as she walks in the room. "What do you mean?" I ask quickly wiping my tears before she sees. "What do you mean what? And look at you! You're eyes are so puffy from crying, oh God." She sits beside me and puts her arm around me. "How did you find out? Did Eva tell you?"

"No, but everybody found out. John proposed to you! Aren't you happy?" Oh so I guess she didn't find out about the part that I walked away from John. "I ... I didn't answer." Paige looks at me shocked. "Why? Isn't that what you wanted?"

I nod annoyed because once again I am reminded that that is what I wanted! "I don't want to talk about it right now, Paige." I lay back down and she rubs my back slowly. "I don't know what's wrong but it will be okay." I hope Paige is right.

I just want to sleep right now, because I can't get Seth out of my mind.