If thoughts could kill* WWE fanfic

Part 34

I wake up before Paige and I'm quite thankful for that because I know she will start asking me if I'm okay or whatever and I'll have to lie and say that I'm okay when I'm not.

After I get out the shower I have to sit back down because I feel light headed. I didn't eat much. In fact I haven't eaten expect for water and salty crackers. My stomach is craving food but every time I stare at myself in the mirror all I see is ugliness and fatness.

My phone buzzes, "How are you doing this morning?" It's from Brie. " I'm doing fine." I text back. "Hmm sure? I'll call you later tonight. I have a doctors appointment today, hopefully he will tell me my knee is better. Call you tonight, love you xx." I really hope Bries knee is doing better, if it is better she will be coming back soon. That's good but that's also bad, I haven't lost enough weight to be absolutely identical to her.

I walk to the gym and I can just hear my trainers voice booming in my head, telling me to work hard. Immediately I get in the treadmill, I close my eyes and start to think. All this stress is making me ache everywhere. Literally everywhere. It's so many things and it's legit stressing me out.

Seth. John. My weight. I can't deal with all of this alone.

After about fifteen minutes I have to stop cause I'm exhausted. I'm all sweaty and now I've realized that taking a shower this morning was a mistake cause now I'll have to shower again.

I lift some weights and do some abdominal work outs. I start to feel sick and I have to stop working out. I feel like throwing up really bad, I get up from where I'm sitting and I walk out the gym to the elevator.

When I get to the room Paige is already awake, she's brushing her teeth. "Hello pumpkin!" She says happily with toothpaste still in her mouth. I chuckle and smile, "Good morning sleepy head." She walks out the bathroom minutes later, "Let's go eat some breakfast with the ladies." She says. I shake my head no, "I have to shower again I just came from working out."

"No come on, you can shower later. Let's go eat." I shake my head no again, I'm honestly not ready to face my friends because I know they'll ask about the John thing. "Are you still upset?" She asks sitting beside me. "Obviously." I say with a sigh.

"Well being with your friends will distract you a little. Come on let's go, I'm not going to stop until you say yes." I roll my eyes, "Fine Paige. You win, I'm coming let me just quickly wash off my body." Shes in her phone texting somebody and she just nods, "Kaykay hurry up."

~

Paige and I go downstairs to eat breakfast, the girls are already gathered around in a table. I sit down feeling awkward as I feel their eyes on me. Have they heard? Of course they've heard! "Isn't there something you need to tell us?" Cameron says with a smile, Why a smile? I look at Eva confused, didn't she tell them?

"What?" I ask looking around, they all look happy and super pumped. "When's the wedding?!" Emma asks cheerful. "No cut it off." Paige whispers harshly but I can hear her perfectly. "I better be a bridesmaid." Natalya says, Paige is making faces trying to get them to stop but they're completely unaware of it. "I'm so happy for you!" Emma says with a grin, Paige slaps her forehead and shakes her head.

"I'm .. I haven't said yes to John." I finally say, all their smiles disappear. "Well this is awkward." Emma whispers. I clear my throat feeling like the center of attention. I like being the center of attention just not this way. "Why not?" Cameron asks, I shrug. "I'm - I just."

"Girls let's leave her alone, she doesn't want to talk about it." Nattie says, I nod my head. "It'll be okay." Eva says stretching her hand and touching mine. "I guess. But I'm just confused. I know I-"

"You don't have to tell us. Don't feel forced to." Paige says, they all nod. My friends might not be perfect but they're comprehensive. That's what I like about them. "No it's fine, I need to tell somebody. I mean I've already told Brie but I need to tell Yall. Don't judge me or anything.." I take a deep breath and they're all listening to me.

"I'm really confused about my feelings for John. I know it's been a while that I've wanted him to propose but," I stop as I see Seth walk in the room with his friends, Dean and Roman. He doesn't see me, they sit in a table and talk a bit. Seth doesn't look too happy. I keep remembering his face and how sad and hurt he looked. That hurt me too.

"But what?" Cameron says, I snap back to reality and stop looking at Seth. "But I met somebody." They all look at me but don't say a word. "I didn't cheat on John or anything, I met him while I was dating John. He got on my nerves and annoyed me but I felt okay with him. He managed to bring a smile to my face, we became friends I guess you could say. And I just feel like myself when I'm around him, John is very sweet and caring but I don't know why I don't feel like me around him. I care so much about John but I'm confused about my feelings towards the guy."

"Who is he? If we can know." Emma says, Paige elbows her and Emma winces. "I don't want to say his name right now, but I'm pretty sure eventually you are all going to find out." I whisper glancing at Seth. I put my elbows on the table and lean in. "I'm just so confused."

"Nikki, it's okay. I understand marriage is a difficult decision and you really have to think it through. But if you're not sure about your feelings towards John it wouldn't be fair for you to say yes. Just take your time. Time will tell you who's the one for you." Nattie says, I look up with a sigh. "Thank you, Nattie." My chin begins to quiver and Cameron notices.

"Oh don't cry." She says, "We are here for you." Emma says, "Whatever your decision is we are going to be here to support you." Eva says leaning in for a hug. "I love you guys. I'm so glad I have yall in my life." I say wiping my tears. "We love you too." Nattie says. "And we are glad we have you too." Paige says.

"Enough tears! Let's go eat some food, yes?" Emma says and I nod. We get up to serve ourselves food. Seth is getting some pancakes and I can't help but to go stand beside him. He looks at me, "Seth." I say, "Bella." He says slowly.

"I need to talk to you." I say, he shrugs. "I don't know maybe your fiancé will get mad if he sees us talking." Seths voice cracks when he says fiancé. He clears his throat and gets his pancakes. "Oh but-" before I can finish talking he's already walking back to his table.