|| second installment of "habit series" ||
Solari Dominguez has a habit of biting her fingernails, especially at the times that she's nervous or guilty. It was a normal mannerism for everyone, not until Justine Klein Olivarez kissed her one day when...
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"'Yang mukha na 'yan ang hindi ko nakita noong naghiwalay kayo ni Klein," sabi ni Eureka habang kumakain kami ng lunch sa cafeteria kasama si Gilbert. "Ano bang nangyayari sa 'yo, ha? Ilang araw ka nang gan'yan."
I took a deep breath before holding the spoon and fork on my plate and started eating.
"Wala."
She laughed. "Mukha kang broken-hearted dahil sa breakup n'yo ng jowa mo! Wala ka namang jowa, eh."
Napanguso ako kasabay ng pag-init ng sulok ng mga mata ko. Tahimik na lang akong kumain at hindi na pinakinggan pa ang pang-aasar niya. Nakita ko rin yung bahagyang pagsiko sa kan'ya ni Gilbert, dahilan para mapatahimik siya.
Bago kami matapos kumain, nagsalita ulit siya. "Hindi ka talaga magkuk'wento?" she asked. "Ano bang nangyari? Clue naman, oh? Nagka-jowa ka ba nang hindi ko alam?"
I bit my lower lip as I looked at him. "Nagkausap na kami ni Klein." Umawang ang bibig niya, kasabay ng pangingilid ng mga luha ko. "Alam ko na yung mga nangyari sa kan'ya the past two years."
I looked down as I tried to focus on the food left on my plate. I bit my lower lip.
"Parang ngayon ako nasaktan para sa mga panahong dapat . . . nasasaktan ako. Parang ngayon sumakit yung sugat na natamo ko . . . two years ago."
I heard her sigh. My tears fell silently so I wiped it immediately. Ilang sandali pa, nagsalita si Gilbert.
"Are you, perhaps, blaming yourself?" he asked.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kan'ya. "Hindi ba dapat?" I chuckled. "I left him all alone on the days that he needed me the most."
Bahagya siyang umiling. "He told me before that you already told him that he might need some professional help. Hindi ka naman na siguro nagkulang do'n."
I gulped. "What exactly do the both of you know?" I said, looking at the newly wedded couple in front of me. "May mga hindi pa ba ako alam na kailangan ko rin malaman? Sige na . . . para isang sakit na lang."
Sumimangot si Eureka bago yumuko. Siniko niya si Gilbert kaya ito na lang ang nagsalita para sa kanilang dalawa.
"He was already aware even before that his alcohol intake was not normal. He's just turning a blind eye to it because he knows that a lot of people are like that too . . . too dependent on alcohol on every occasion. He knew that he needed help way before you told him that but he just can't accept it. He's conscious of his own body. Alam niya ang sarili niyang problema."
I looked away as I drank my water, listening to Gilbert's every word.
"He told me that before you finally gave up on him, he's planning to get the help that he needs . . . basta sasamahan mo siya sa lahat. He was like a plant before and you're his sun. He needs you for him to grow and bloom. And he actually did when the two of you got close to each other. You bring out the better in him but even after that, he still had a lot of shortcomings because of his own battles."
