This Time

|27| IKA-DALAWAMPU'T PITONG KABANATA

— AIDEN —

Awkward.

That's how I can describe our afternoon. Lexie and Julius had a bit of a fight because Lexie got mad he let me drink. I did say that it was my choice and Juls had nothing to do with it. But Lexie being the mom of the group, had to be mad at someone. They already made up, but the tension is still there.

It also doesn't help the fact that something happened between me and Vera.

We all woke up a few hours earlier and the first thing that hit me was my throbbing head and the memory of last night. No one has said anything about it, but I'm sure they all knew as we basically made out in front of them. Vera also hasn't said anything but the brief glances she's been giving me indicated that she wants to talk with me.

Do I regret drinking last night? Immensely.

I went against my morals and did something my father would do, get drunk on alcohol because he couldn't handle his problems. And that's basically what I did.

But a part of me is somewhat thankful for last night's distraction as it took my mind off of Professor Peterson even just for a while. The heartbreak of the rejection.

Although, I could've used a better and I guess, the sober kind of distraction.

There is a question in my mind that has been bugging me though.

Do I regret the kiss Vera and I shared?

To be completely honest, I enjoyed it. It was my first time being kissed and even though I expected my first from someone else, kissing Vera felt good. It was something I just saw in movies and read in books, I've never thought that I would get to experience it, and I did. I was just drunk and the memory is a bit hazy.

I could say that I regret getting my first kiss while I was not in the right state of mind and so was the person I kissed. More so, the fact that I didn't get to share it with the person I like and have actual feelings for.

And despite the fact that I enjoyed the kiss, the guilt in my chest has been eating me up. The first time the kiss almost happened between us, I managed to stop it due to the fact that I felt like I was betraying the person I like. And now that it actually happened, the guilt grew ten times more.

Who in their right mind would kiss someone else just because they were rejected?

It's also not just about feeling like I betrayed Professor Peterson, it's also about me kissing Vera who still has lingering feelings for me. Feelings I can't reciprocate. I don't want what happened between us last night to get her hopes up and break her heart once again.

I don't want to hurt her even further. I'm already an asshole enough for sharing a drunken kiss with her.

I handled the rejection wrong, chose a wrong decision, became reckless and impulsive, and I did something that would hurt someone, but it's something I can't run away from. It's something I have to face.

"Hey," I greeted the older woman nervously who gave a timid smile, she was already preparing to leave, probably to go back to her apartment. "Can we talk?"

"About last night?" I nodded. "Sure. Walk me to my car?"

We stayed silent all the way to the parking lot, stopping in front of her car. I kept on fidgeting, tapping my foot against the floor and going through my head about how I should go with this without sounding harsh.

"I-I'm sorry," Not a good way to start but I was never good at conversations like this. "I'm sorry for kissing you-"

"I kissed you first." Vera cut me off with a smile.