This Time

|28| IKA-DALAWAMPU'T WALONG KABANATA

— AIDEN —

"Do you like me, Amayah?"

I took her hand gently as she tried to take a step back, making her halt on her step. I didn't let my eyes falter from staring at her, filled with hope and anticipation for what she's about to say. I didn't want to scare her with being upfront, but honestly, this is what we need right now.

No more hesitations, no more mixed signals, no secrets, no fear, just us and the feelings we've kept hidden. Because if I'm going to assume, I at least think that she likes me, even just a little bit.

And I'm happy with that.

"I–" She bit her bottom lip, eyes avoiding mine. "Can we not talk about this?"

"Please, Amayah? Just once, I need you to be honest with me."

"I already told you–"

"Your words are different from your actions!" I couldn't help saying, a little louder than I would have liked but still managed to keep my voice down to not cause a commotion, specially with her child currently sleeping.

"I get that already, okay? You said you don't have feelings for me and it was very clear. But this– your reaction from seeing Vera and I kissed is the exact opposite of what you told me. If you don't like me, they why do you care if I kiss someone else? Because I may be new to this, but I'm not stupid, Amayah. I know jealousy when I see one."

There, I finally said it. The word I've been trying to avoid. She was acting jealous, but I didn't want to point it out straight.

"So answer me, why do you care if I kiss someone else?"

Dark brown eyes stared up at me, they were blazing, seemingly upset. "Leave, Aiden."

"Making me leave isn't going to fix any of this."

She scoffed. "What is there to fix? If you can't be mature and accept my decision, then maybe it's time for you to stop coming here."

I felt my heart drop at her words and the hurt was clear on my face. "You promised you wouldn't push me away."

"And you promised to respect my decision." She whispered, voice broken and sounding defeated. Amayah knew her words cut deep, the regret showing on her face.

"How can I when you're giving me mixed signals?"

"I said I don't like you, Aiden. So please...let's just stop this already. If you're mistaking my reaction for jealousy then stop, because it's not about that."

"Then what is it about?" Amayah didn't answer. "If you don't like me, then you wouldn't mind if I kissed her again?"

"I said stop."

"If you don't like me, you wouldn't mind if Vera and I date–"

"I said stop!" Hands on my chest pushed me away from her. Tears brimming her dark brown eyes.

"Then answer me and I will." I said defeated, taking steps closer once again. "Do you like me, Amayah?"

"So what if I do?!" The tears fell, streaming down her cheeks and I felt an immense amount of disappointment in myself for being the cause of it. I made her cry. "What would change if I tell you I like you?"

My mouth moved to say something, anything, but I didn't know what. Because her question hit me. What would change?

She's still married, my professor, has a family. What I am doing with her?

"Nothing, Aiden. Nothing is going to change between us. If you think this is as easy as confessing each other's feelings then I'm sorry to tell you but it's not. A lot is at stake here, especially on my part and I want you to understand that. I have a son and a career to think about."