The Item of Many Items

Legolas and Tauriel at Gundabad

Although for some reason, Legolas interacting with Tauriel annoys me, I couldn't help thinking of this as I watched the movie again yesterday.

Legolas and Tauriel are sitting on that one rock as they wait for nightfall at Gundabad. They're really bored.

Legolas: Hey, Tauriel?

Tauriel: What?

Legolas: Wanna see how far I can throw this rock?

Tauriel: Sure, I guess.

Legolas: *throws rock*

Tauriel: That was horrible. What would your Ada say?

Legolas: Nothing.

Tauriel: That's true. Look at this. *throws a rock*

Legolas: That was luck.

Tauriel: No it wasn't.

Legolas: Yes it was.

Tauriel: No it...wait, I'm hungry.

Legolas: What am I going to do about it?

Tauriel: Don't you have food?

Legolas: Do I look like a pantry?

Tauriel: Ouch, that sass.

Legolas: Well, do I?

Tauriel: Yes.

Legolas: Well, you look like a horse.

Tauriel: What??

Legolas: I'm joking. But I'm not a pantry.

Tauriel: So no food?

Legolas: Nope.

Tauriel: Someone told me once you can eat leather.

Legolas: Typical dwarves.

Tauriel: How did you know it was a dwarf?

Legolas: Because elves aren't dumb enough to say something like that.

Tauriel: Well, technically, it's just skin.

Legolas: I have great skin.

Tauriel: Good to know.

Legolas: You probably already knew. It's pretty obvious.

Tauriel: I wonder if you would make good leather?

Legolas: Probably.

Tauriel: That was a rhetorical question.

Legolas: Well, skin this flawless must make pretty fabulous leather. It's just logic.

Tauriel: You have strange logic.

Legolas: And this is why I'm a prince and you aren't.

Tauriel: That doesn't make sense.

Legolas: You could eat one of those bats.

Tauriel: Which bats?

Legolas: The ones over there.

Tauriel: Ew. They're probably infected.

Legolas: With what?

Tauriel: Evil things.

Legolas: You must not be that hungry.

Tauriel: I'm actually starving.

Legolas: Then go eat one.

Tauriel: Legolas, you can't just eat evil bats.

Legolas: See, you aren't really starving.

Tauriel: YES I AM!!

Legolas: No you aren't, or you would eat one.

Tauriel: I'm done talking to you. I'm leaving.

Legolas: Oh, yeah? Good, tell the Witch King of Angmar I send kisses.

Tauriel: I'm going back to Dale, you brat.

Legolas: I'm not a brat!

Tauriel: Then don't be annoying.

Legolas: Sorry. *after a moment* Tauriel?

Tauriel: Yes?

Legolas: What's your favorite color?

Tauriel: Dark brown.

Legolas: Why does that also happen to be Kili's hair and eye color?

Tauriel: Coincidence.

Legolas: Sure it is. That's a horrible favorite color.

Tauriel: Okay, what's yours?

Legolas: Pale blue interlaced with golden leaves.

Tauriel: Are you describing a textile or something??

Legolas: No.

Tauriel: Well, it sounds like the print of your curtains.

Legolas: You've seen my curtains?

Tauriel: No...It was just a guess.

Legolas: Good guess.

Tauriel: Haha, at least my favorite color is real.

Legolas: At least my life is real.

Tauriel: ....fine, invalidate my life.

Legolas: Whatever, okay. What's your favorite food?

Tauriel: Why are you interrogating me?

Legolas: I just want to know.

Tauriel: Fine. Bread.

Legolas: My Ada said that bread has a lot of carbs.

Tauriel: Does it look like I care?

Legolas: Not really.

Tauriel: Then leave me alone. Your favorite food is probably not even real.

Legolas: I think strawberries are real.

Tauriel: Oh. I guess they are.

Legolas: Yeah, I guess so, Tauriel.

Tauriel: Well, sorry.

Legolas: I'm bored.

Tauriel: Me too. What time is it?

Legolas: The afternoon.

Tauriel: That's not a real time.

Legolas: What is your problem with reality?? I don't exactly know, okay?

Tauriel: Oh my Eru, Legolas, there's no reason to get offended, I was just wondering.

Legolas: Then don't criticize my perception of reality!

Tauriel: Fine.

Legolas: Ahh, look at all those troops.

Tauriel: Which troops?

Legolas: The troops.

Tauriel: Oh, that looks unpleasant.

Legolas: Yep.

Tauriel: Those bats look like they're coming over here.

Legolas: Maybe you should catch one for dinner.

Tauriel: Maybe you should shut up.

Legolas: Maybe you should respect your prince.

Tauriel: Maybe you should catch a bat and feed it to your ego, it looks like it's growing.

Legolas: That was rude.

Tauriel: Well, you're rude.

Legolas: No, I'm just fabulous.

Tauriel: *sigh*

Legolas: Those bats were bred for war.

Tauriel: We need to go warn the others.

Legolas: *sigh* Fine. Let's go.