The Item of Many Items

Common Issues

I shall begin this latest chapter with a brief disclaimer: So I realise that many of you may have good Lord of the Rings fan fictions that include these situations. I am not attempting to disparage any fan fiction, truly.

Rather I just felt the need to point out these issues that I can no longer ignore.

First:

Anything that is "adopted by Elrond" is, frankly, rather unreasonable.

"My brother, my fourth cousin, my best friend, and myself were all adopted by Elrond at birth!"

I'm sorry, is Elrond running an orphanage now? The fact that he took Estel/Aragorn in was not because he showed up on his doorstep like Moses. He was close to Arathorn's family, partially because of the distant relation as well as their friendship. Just sayin'.

Also, what is up with all the "Smaug's Daughter" fan fictions out there?

In case it's not clear, Smaug is a lizard. As far as I know, reptiles generally don't give birth to humans or elves or anything other than reptiles. Also, Smaug is very male. And very single.

Ah, but "I was adopted by Smaug?"

Were you now? Are you sure it wasn't "lured by Smaug so he could eat me?"

Smaug is definitely not running an orphanage.

Oh, also--this is more of a public service announcement that many may not know.

When books say "____, a young she-elf...", I inwardly cringe because that's actually a horrible insult. It's the equivalent of the English insult meaning "female dog". So.

Finally, I'd really appreciate it if fan fictions involving Legolas or Thranduil or anyone being some kind of supernatural creature (demon, vampire, werewolf, etc.) would please stop appearing. Legolas is not a vampire, folks. News flash.

This goes for the "Daughter of the Witch King" fanfictions, too--the Witch King is dead and also single. Also, ghosts, even evil ones, can't have kids. Sorry.

Also I'm not sure why the daughter of said witch king always falls in love with Legolas (and the feelings are reciprocated?!) That doesn't even make sense.

Creativity is great, but when things get too creative...

Cheers ;)