The Item of Many Items

Woks, more fried rice, DeadEx, and Protests

This is based on a rather interesting (and very lengthy xD) conversation I had with the fabtastic @MadiB79 on the comment section of "How to make Fried Rice (like a maniac)" It got very strange, very fast. That's all there really is to say. Enjoy our randomness!

Oh: No, it isn't supposed to make sense. At all. 

Tarí was speaking to her friend, Daeithiel (that's going to be me) over the Palantír (is that even safe? Legal?) one pleasant morning in Ithilien. 

"You're supposed to fry rice in a wok," Tarí said, with an amused expression. 

"I know, but I don't have one!" Dae laughed, "Although maybe during the holidays I will get one!"

"You should make an advertisement," Tarí snickered. "'Doesn't know how to make fried rice, needs wok for the holidays.'" 

Daeithiel roller her eyes. 

"Tarí, that's ridiculous. Besides," she added, in her defense, "It came out pretty good!"

"You should put bacon, peas, corn and fried egg in it next time," Tarí suggested. "It's delicious."

"I did!" Dae protested. "I put peas, corn, carrot and egg." 

"Bacon, then," Tarí insisted, grinning. 

"I should just change my name to "I need a wok" so nobody doubts what to get me for the holidays," Dae answered reflectively.

Tarí burst out laughing. 

"Oh, Eru, that's hilarious," she gasped, "That's the-" She doubled over again, giggling uncontrollably. 

Dae laughed too, then put a hand over her mouth to stop the noise. "Shh!" she hissed, trying not to snort with laughter. "My mum's trying to have a nap!"

Tarí laughed harder.

"What kind of conversation is this, anyway?" Dae asked. "If a stranger came in and asked what we were talking about, I would have to cook them in a wok!"

"I am going to pee myself," Tarí announced, trying to stop laughing. 

"Well, in case you don't make it, make sure to grab a wok," Dae teased.

"Give me your address and I can ship it to you," Tarí countered. 

"Oh, sure, it's 1234 Mordor Alley, Evilville, Mordor, Middle Earth," Daeithiel said casually.

"Are you an Orc, or something?" Tarí asked incredulously. "Why are you living in the land of shadow?"

Dae rolled her eyes. 

"Well, expect delivery within five to ten business days," Tarí said with a professional air. 

"Mordor has discounted prices on post office carrier service, I don't actually live there," Dae replied thoughtfully. "And thanks for putting in my order, I'll be sure to track it on DeadEx."

Tarí laughed. "Ha I'm laughing like a high-ena, get it?" she snorted, doubling up again. 

"Ha a high-ena," Dae laughed. 

"Hey, you could meet me halfway in Gondor!" Tarí suggested. "I'm currently stalking rogue orcs in Ithilien, so I could easily go over. Save you from those nasty DeadEx fees!"

"Gondor would work," Daeithiel confirmed. "I heard Ithilien is overrun, I could just go the extra mile and help you fight those baddies!"

"Yeah, you can meet me at Faramir's old hiding place!" Tarí agreed. "But don't sneak around, I don't want to accidentally shoot you..."