The Item of Many Items

Little Bard Riding Hood and the Really Scary Thranduil

Young Bard of Laketown was cleaning his arrows one day when his mother came to his side and said, "Bard, you must go deliver this wine to the royal Palace of Mirkwood." Bard was afraid to, because he feared that the King would not recieve him gladly, and besides he had heard that he was extremely fabulous.

"Mother, Alas! for I do not wish to go," he protested, but with a "Nonsense!" and a short pat on the head, his mother pushed him out of their shabby house and watched him board the boat which sailed upriver into the dark forest of Mirkwood. The grubby vessel was full of huge barrels of wine, and if Bard was not very careful, he could easily unbalance it and tip into the freezing lake water.

He was frustrated because he could not hide among the barrels unnoticed, due to the atrocious red of his hood. It was actually his sister's, but, his mother had made him wear it as his own was tattered and thin. Every elf in Middle Earth would see him, he thought, as he steered the ship forward. Eventually, he approached the ominous embankments of Mirkwood looming ahead in the fog, and he gulped down a sense of fear that he hated, it made him feel weak. Finally, he disembarked the small vessel, and walked towards the palace to find the recieving company of Elves.

**************Many laters later**********

Thranduil: WHO GOES THERE

Bard: *shaking* Uh it's uh Bard so yeah hi I'm bard wait hold on

Thranduil: *laughs* I'm sure you have a reason for being here, do you not?

Bard: I-i'm supposed to tell you that I brought your wine shipment...

Thranduil: MY WIIIINE ASDFGHJKL

Bard: Uh are you an alcoholic?

Thranduil: WHAT

Bard: *runs very fast* I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO MUM MUUUUM HELP

Thranduil: *puts on stilts* *chases after him*

Bard: *trying to stall* Um why are you wearing stilts?

Thranduil: ALL THE BETTER TO CATCH YOU WITH MY DEAR

Bard: But....i-isn't it harder to run with stilts?

Thranduil: NOT IF YOU'RE FABULOUS!!

Bard: Um okay bye sorry um yeah *runs more*

Thranduil: *puts on large helmet*

Bard: *trying to cross a river without drowning*

Thranduil: HA GOT YOU NOW YOU ALCOHOLIC ACCUSER

Bard: That's not a thing. What's with the helmet?

Thanduil: ALL THE BETTER TO YOLO SWAG MY DEAR

Bard: *confused*

Thranduil: EHEHE I AM FAB

Bard: *gets on boat and goes home*

Thranduil: *shouts after him* I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC IT'S A RECREATIONAL BEVERAGE!!!

Bard: *can't even*

Oh, goodness, this is like the third fairytale parody on here, isn't it? *sighs* Well, I hope you guys liked it, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'll try to be more consistent :)

Love and candy corn,

G