Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Forty Five Flashback the finale

Just looking at him wearing the ring with so much pride made me feel uncontrollably happy. "How much longer is the walk come on at least give me a hint" Nick says well poking my face. "only five more minutes." We had been to a pop up Cinema many times before and those were some of my favourite dates... I wanted to do it one last time with him before he was gone. We arrived at the park and when he spotted the large cinema screen he instantly said "What movie are watching!" in a cheerful tone, I smiled before saying " Avengers" He placed his hands on the sides of my face "Char don't joke about that, you know how disappointed I will be" I leaned in for a quick kiss "I'm not joking, I knew how much it means to you that I watch this movie because you've been begging me to watch it with you for weeks" He hugged me and kissed my forehead gently "This day literally can't get any better" he whispers. I pulled a blanket out from my bag and we set it out to watch the film. I was sitting in his lap well he tickled and rubbed my shoulders. I felt my lips gravitating towards his, I couldn't stop kissing him every chance I could get.

I knew this was because I was trying to get every last bit of love and affection before he was leaving me. My heart felt like glass thinking about him leaving, if someone even nudged me a little I would explode into a million shattered pieces of myself. My mind was spinning and my heart was racing, alternating the pace of the beat. The loud speakers slowly got quite until a loud voice came on "Half way Intermission please enjoy the amazing snack booths set up for your convenience" Nick put his hand over my chest after realizing my increasing heart rate "What's wrong Charlie are you ok, your scaring me" I sat there thinking about what I should say next I have been hiding my despair from him this past week due to the fact I wanted to spare his feelings and not make him feel bad about going to university. I wanted him to go to university I just hated the fact he had to leave me to do it, I know I was being selfish and a horrible boyfriend which just made the whole situation worse.

"I'm sorry i'm just sad" he looked at me with concern "Why baby" I snapped releasing some of my bottled up emotions "STOP PRYING ME" I felt regret as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, lucky for me I had the most understanding boyfriend in the world. "Hey, hey I know something is wrong i'm not trying to be pushy or pry and I know your only lashing out because your upset about something" "I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten angry with you it just..." I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence. He grabbed my hand with both of his holding it well staring into my almost tear filled eyes "Charlie please tell me" "Well its just" my voice started to crack and my mouth started to quiver "I'm s..Sad your leaving" I started to ball my eyes out as he pulled me in for a hug "Charlie i'm really sad too, more than you'll ever know, I struggle to be myself, I like to hide in a shell and fake myself so people will like me but not with you, i've never been more myself and i'm scared" I didn't realize how he felt, and that I had such an impact on his personality although his mom had mentioned it before it never felt real until it came out of nicks mouth. "What are you scared of" I shyly inquire "I'm scared that without you i'm going to fall apart." Tears started dripping on my shoulder, they were Nicks. I thought he would be excited about going to university even if that ment leaving me behind but he seems as sad and scared as I am. I pull out from our hug and wipe the tears from his face "Nick your amazing and you don't need me for that" "But I do Charlie! even when i'm away from you for a few days I feel myself always down and off" I reply "I love you. You know i'll try and visit as much as possible like at least every two weeks" he responds "I love you too." I finally built up the courge to tell him how I felt and I feel better now knowing his side of things but I still have the burning question inside my head how am I going to deal with my mom and my anxiety without nick. Knowing the truth deep down is that without Nick I might have not been here today, he's saved my life how can I cope without him. I look down at the ground avoiding eye contact with him before saying "Well be ok" But what I really wanted to say was: Nick Im also scared...i'm scared that your not going to be there with me when I need help and what happens if I actually kill myself, im scared of what im cable of doing. I knew I couldn't say this because if he knew I thought this way he wouldn't leave he wouldn't go to university and it would be all my fault. I couldn't spoil his future like that, he's wanted to become a teacher for a long time now and I want him to follow his dreams and to do that he needed to leave me.

Authors Note
Wow this flashback series was a roller coaster and I had such a fun time writing it! tomorrow we'll be back catching up with Nick and Charlie in there current time (you might have to re read the last non flashback chapter to remember what was going on! and where we left off) THANKS FOR READING 💖