Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter eighty Four A little Spark

Charlie's perspective
It was 3am and I was still awake, I haven't had a restless night in months ever since I was prescribed sleeping pills, It wasn't that I didn't  feel tired I felt painfully tired, the feeling when your on a road trip and your sitting in the middle seat between two of your siblings and they both don't want you touching them so you have to force yourself to stay awake so you don't by accident fall asleep on their shoulders. I can't explain what happened exactly but my hand felt like there was a gravitational pull dragging my hand over to Nicks my heart craved his touch and attention, I know I still wasn't ready to open up mentally and I didn't want to give in this soon I still needed a little bit of space but the heart wants what it wants I guess, I let my hand drift across our silk sheets my hand slides so effortless over to his but stopped right before I could fuel the strong craving I had. Did I really want to tease him like that I don't want to send him the wrong message I still need a bit of space. Right as I was sitting there overthinking everything I felt my hand grab his I needed him I'll always need him. Shivers sent down my spine as I felt his warm hand in my, I know this may sound absolutely dramatic but I mean what do you expect me and Nick are absolutely that, It's only been a few hours maybe 10 hours since we kissed and held hands but to us that feels like forever were always together and a very clingy couple expesially Nick so I know this must be hard for him im trying my best to not cause him pain but I need time. I missed his electric touch and his passionate kisses that still and will always send butterflies to my stomach and goosebumps down my whole body. I wish this would just be over, Im now realizing why I couldn't fall asleep it's Nicks comforting touch that soothes my mind his loving heart that cures my sadness, I'll never love anyone like I love Nick.

Nicks perspective
It was the crack of dawn and I felt this burning heat on my left hand, I wiggled my fingers a bit and felt Charlie's hand holding mine, this made me want to grab Charlie pull him on top of me wrap my arms around him so he was tightly in my arms, so he felt safe, loved and appreciated, I wanted to feel his touch his soft lips hear his heart beat, I wanted my morning cuddles, this was improvement though and I had to take it as a win he still needs time and i'm going to be waiting right here for when he's ready. I feel a lot better this morning more open minded, my head had been clear of the storm that was clouding my perception on this situation, it was the pill it really did help in stressful situations, I'm happy now that Charlie pushed me to go to that appointment I was definitely being stubborn about it but Charlie never gave up on me he supported me like he always did. Yesterday I thought of an idea to maybe help ease his pain a little, inflict some joy upon him, I know he acts and puts on a tough shell saying he hates his birthday and he doesn't like celebrating birthdays because it's just an ordinary day but I know that's just because his Mom and other relatives forced him to eat tons of sweets and stuff he didn't want, I know deep down inside Charlie is hoping to have a good birthday I know he was excited for his birthday he just didn't want to be let down. He just never had a good experience with his birthday which is so heartbreaking for a child causing his resentment towards this celebration, he should be celebrating it more than anyone he deserves it more than anyones does he's had to fight to stay alive he hasn't had an easy road. I want to create him a new birthday that will be just for us he has his real birthday on April 27th but my idea was to make his new and improved birthday on a random day probably soon it won't entail any bad memories and won't require him to participate in any normal birthday activities Charlie despises, a day were I spoil him rotten like he deserves, everybody else gets to enjoy their birthday why shouldn't he. Although I have a lot of faith in my birthday idea i'm not totally sure Charlie won't completely hate it, I'll just have to try and see won't I.

Charlie's perspective
It was early morning but I was starting to toss and turning meaning I wasn't tired anymore and should get up and start the day soon. Nicks hand was still in mine Nick was awake he was just laying there deep in thought. I could tell he's always had the same thinking face, it was proper adorable. We cuddled every morning and it felt odd not waking up and immediately rolling over to him and laying my head on his chest, I released my hand from his and rolled out of bed shattering my heart a little more with every step as I got farther from the man I loved, why couldn't I be ready yet why did I have to cause so much pain to myself and him! was keeping to myself really helping everything or making it worse. Fuck. I just want this to be over.

Authors Note
Do you think Charlie's doing the right thing taking the time and space he needs or do you think he needs support now more than ever??? let me know your opinion 💕 THANKS LOVE FOR TUNING IN AND READING VOTING AND COMMENTING IS THE BEST WAY TO SUPPORT ME AND MY BOOK SO IF YOU DID THAT WOULD MEAN MORE THAN U KNOW 💕💗❤️💗💕💗💗💕💗❤️‍🩹🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈😭❤️❤️💗❤️