Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Ninty Rock bottom

Charlie's perspective
We had gotten home last night from my mother in laws house, and today was a new day hopefully not as bad as the last few we've been having. Nick has been the most supportive fiancé I could have ever asked for, I know I should've told him but I felt like nothing, I was sad but not how your normally sad I was just over everything and overwhelmed by the slightest things. My emotions weren't high they were through the roof because although my mom hasn't always been my biggest fan, I never thought she would say that she wanted me dead. Now when I think of her all I can see is her sitting in her room smiling as I'm cutting myself drowned in tears hoping that I would go deep enough to hit a vein and she would never have to deal with me again. I know that didn't actually happen but that's all I think about when she texts me or Nick says something about her. It feels like vivid memory but it's not it didn't even happen but I just can't un see it. I don't want this to be the only thing I think about when it comes to my mom but I fear it might be, she's done too much damage this time and I don't know if i'll ever be able to look at her as my mom again. Nick was really worried yesterday about me and I didn't mean to make him worrie and I didn't want him to worrie about me but he did, and that was my fault, I shouldn't have let her ruin me I was doing so well I was getting better I was eating proper meals three times a day, I was normal and for a while I could sense Nick relaxing when it came to meal time not this constant tension he had. It felt nice to sit down and just eat with fiancé he wasn't watching me closely as I ate he wasn't checking up on me we just ate like a normal couple. Well yes it still took me much longer than him to finish but I always did... for a while anyway. That was done now I'll need to work back up to the point again which made me so sad, I could feel the burning feeling in my stomach this morning when I sat down for breakfast, like I wanted to puke at the thought of eating it, Nick was anxious and was hoping that I would eat it, I could tell the whole breakfast he was watching me making sure I was ok, I wasn't ok I couldn't even eat a quarter of the breakfast, Nicks disappointed look stuck to me like glue, I didn't want to disappoint him but it was too much, this whole thing is too much my last few days have been too much. I promised him I would finish lunch but we both knew that was an empty promise. Mental health can be like addiction, When an alcoholic takes one sip of alcohol they slip back into old habits it doesn't matter how far they've came or how much they went through to get were they were they were back, back at rock bottom that's exactly how I felt I carved the feeling of hunger, I craved knowing that me not eating was making me thinner, smaller. A person with an ed will never be small enough will never be thin enough it's unattainable. My eyes filled up with tears I felt like such a disappointment, I shouldn't have done that I should've eaten when Nick told me too. Why did I have to be so stupid.

Third person
The boy cried as he felt his world had been shaken upside down and thrown in the blender, his life at the moment was in pieces but pieces of a broken heart can always be glued back together it may never be the same but it will be ok again, a heart can break a million times and if you have the right support system and love around you it can be repaired it can be fixed over and over again, pieces of your life will always go back together once again just because there's a lot of despair and dread in life doesn't mean there isn't a little spark of happiness everyone has something you love or look forward too that keeps you going and creates a path way for you to enjoy life. Charlie will find that pathway it's not hard to find lucky for him his is sitting in his living room right now. The tears have shallowed and Charlie was wiping the remainder of them away making his way to his pathway.

Charlie's perspective
I needed to stop pushing Nick away, I don't want to hide when i'm upset, i'm still adjusting to living with him, him always being there for me, always having someone to love and support me, I learned as a teenager to hide my emotions to block them out, don't let anyone see, because my mom, she would call me an attention seeker or that I caused drama only to get my way, did she really think I liked starving myself that it was a fun experience for me, I needed to control some aspect of my life so bad that it seemed to be my only option my only way to cope until I started cutting as well then my life just turned into one big mess.

I sat down beside Nick who was looking at a magazine that me and him both modelled in, his friend is in the business and needed someone last minute and he thought we would be great for it, we agreed to doing it, the pictures turned out great actually, I really liked how confident Nick was he seemed to really love it, he looks at the pictures all the time, he says because he thinks I look hot in them which could be true but I think it's also because he wishes that's what he was doing, he was a natural everyone loved him he was a star and I was so proud of him. I ask him about it but he just says it was a one time thing that it was something he liked but not something he would want to do more in the future, but I think he's scared, I believe he wants to model more than anything. he flips the magazine closed and looks to me who was sitting beside him sniffling trying to keep my noise from running. "We're you crying what's wrong" I look at him and smile "yeah but i'm ok now I just needed to be close to you to feel better" he looked relived and proud to hear that "Why were you crying" I answered truthfully longing for his support and comfort "I'm just sad that i'm struggling again things were getting better and now there not, everything is harder now and it's my fault" he laid his head on my shoulder "I know it's going to be hard it already is harder but that's ok like I said last time we had a set back this won't be the last difficult time we face together we just need to face it head on and it's not your fault, I wouldn't lie to you char don't you believe that" I kissed the top of his head " I believe you"

Authors Note
The love and support I've been getting recently is just wow thank you guys 🥰😭💗💗💗 Reading your comments makes me cry on a daily basis (happy tears bc you guys are so nice to me why are you so nice too me) i'm not used to people being nice to me after they know the real me so thank you 😊🥹🥹🥹 Some of my lovely friends are starting to write some fan fics ofc heartstopper so when they are published I know they would love for you to check them out I will @ them and state the name of the fic ❤️❤️❤️ and GabyAvila903035 I just wanted to thank you for being such a supportive person in my life and your story really inspired me for todays Chapter the third person message was for you 💗❤️💗😭