Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Sixty Dificult News

Nick's Perspective
"Babe i'm leaving" I say before putting on my shoes to leave the house. "Drive safe don't forget be open and honest it's ok to let people in" he chimes from the couch. I roll my eyes and say sarcastically "yes babe I promise to be on my best behaviour" I walk over to him smile and hug him goodbye, he then pulls away from the hug and says "I expect a full behaviour report and if your good we can get ice cream" his sarcastic manner makes me laugh to myself. "ok ok enough jokes i'm going to be late but ice cream honestly doesn't sound that bad" He winks at me and I just shake my head at how absolutely ridiculous we are and get into the car. When I got into the car all the feeling suddenly resurfaced all the dread i've felt lately managed to float to the surface. I needed to know what was going on with me I've been feeling so scared and anxious when Charlie's not around. My hands start to tremble and my mind races when he's not around it's a surreal feeling like one I can't completely explain.

I drove a few laps around the parking lot before having the courage to go in there and talk open and honestly with my counsellor, even though i've been attending regular weekly sessions with my councillor I still feel nervous every time I go. I don't like talking about my feeling I guess i'm shy that way, I also don't like the thought of worrying other people about my problems.

"Nicolas hi please sit" he says as he welcomes me into his office, gesturing for me to sit down on the sofa. "Hi" I say in return taking a seat on the sofa holding a pillow on my lap so I could wrap my arms around it. "What's your week been like" I think to myself replaying the events of my week the good and bad. "Well me and Charlie are engaged it went well" he throws his hands up in the air and says "That's amazing news, I knew it would go well" Although I felt super nervous I couldn't hide my excitement about the fact that we were engaged so I smiled through all my worries. "You seem awfully on edge, nervous maybe" I think for a second how easy it would be to just lie, hide my feelings and shove them down so I wouldn't have to endure this conversation we were about to have, but I knew I needed this, it would be good for me and maybe could ease my mind a little. "Well erm I... I have been feeling weird lately, I guess i've always felt this way but it's just gotten really bad" He nods his head then says "What exactly is this feeling the more detail you give me the better I can help you" I squeeze the pillow tight trying not to cry because of how mentally drained I feel. I take a breath and tell him everything "Well for the past month maybe two months I've felt like scared I guess when Charlie not around not the type of scared I get when he's you know hurting himself, a type of scared that has nothing to do with anything bad happening to him, it's kinda like when he's not around my mind won't and can't stop thinking about him my hands start to like shake almost like i'm scared I just feel so stressed when he's not around, I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense" after saying all that I felt relieved when I was talking I felt a huge weight fall off my shoulders. "No don't apologize that made sense but I do still need some more information so i'm going to ask you some questions is that alright?" I nod in agreement and listen to what he has to ask. "Do you ever make scenarios up in your head about Charlie leaving you" His question threw me off guard because I do often wonder what would happen if Charlie left me, like I imagine it uncontrollably it's not like I want to think about that, but it some how mange's to find a way into my brain. "yeah sometimes it's like I can't control it, it just happens" he looks at me interested in what i'm having to say before asking "Do you ever have dreams or nightmares about Charlie passing away, leaving you, going on a long Business trip away from you?" I nod and say quietly, sort of embarrassed "Last night I had a dream about Charlie leaving me and I was crushed even when I was awake I couldn't stop thinking about it over and over again" he nods again then says "Well Nicholas I can't give you a proper diagnosis but I will say i'm almost 100 percent sure you have separation anxiety, I will need to refer you to an actual doctor where you can get a proper diagnosis but that's why you've been feeling the way you've been feeling and there's many things you can do to stop these feelings if you get diagnosed" I felt like he had pulled the chair beneath me what the hell was he talking about I wasn't a dog or a little kid anymore I didn't have separate anxiety, that was something only little kids and spoilt dogs had. I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time in frustration, this didn't make any sense. Was he saying I was attached to Charlie so much that I had separation anxiety and couldn't be away from him, this was bullshit.
he suddenly breaks the silence and says "just think about it and we can get you an appointment with a doctor" I nodded my head and left not saying a word, I knew if I opened my mouth I would regret it because of how angry I was.

I got into the house and couldn't be around anyone right now my blood was boiling and my eyes were filled with tears. All my emotions are working against each other all at once. I tried to come in quietly so Charlie wouldn't hear me and ask about how it went but of course he heard and said "How was it still wanna go get ice cream" I replied "It was SHIT!" and went into our bathroom and locked the door.

Authors Note
Hope you guys like this chapter and are enjoying the plot, I have not forgotten all the chapter requests you all have commented there all written down in a long notes page since this is a story and not one shots it's a slower pace and will take me much longer to get them all done so if you commented requests please bare with me, and if you guys have anymore ideas I would love to hear them!!!! ily thank you all for reading. 🫶❤️☺️