Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Fifty One Pick up?

Charlie's perspective
I opened my eyes to realize that I was still cuddled up on Nicks chest on our sofa in the living room, last nights we didn't move or do anything we just sat on the sofa together talking and watching films until I fell asleep in his arms. I feel so stupid for relapsing again it was such a stupid thing to do it's just making my life harder Nick is probably freaking out and I know he will treat me differently now. Whenever I relapsed back in high-school and university he would be so protective of me. I don't want him to feel it's his job to keep me safe I just want him to care and support me. Looking down at my arm I can see the large cut trailing across my wrist, I didn't mean to go that deep it's just the glass was so sharp and I wasn't thinking straight my emotions got a hold of me. I can't let this happen again I want to live, I love my life with Nick he's amazing and I can't wait for our future together. I could tell by the way Nick held me last night that he was scared, I don't want him to feel that way. For the next few days i'm going to struggle and I know that, it always happens, I'm going to feel the need to hurt myself and I need to resist the temptation not just for Nick but for me... for us.

Nicks perspective
I opened my eyes to see Charlie laying on my chest zoomed out, I can't help but wonder what he's thinking right now. I need to make sure nothing goes wrong for the next couple of days, I know there going to be extra hard for Charlie. I just hope he talks to me when he feels upset or is having a hard day instead of hurting himself he to cope. I need to pick up the flowers today but I don't want to leave Charlie by himself he's unstable right now and I can't trust that nothing will go wrong if he's alone. I did mention yesterday that I wanted to go pick up a new swim suit as a cover up for picking up the flowers but it doesn't matter if we don't have the flowers anymore all that matters is I keep Charlie safe! So I hope he forgot that I mentioned it. I ruffle his soft hair and say "Morning my love" he smiles back at me "Morning" His face was bright and he seemed very happy but I know Charlie was very good at hiding his feelings " Are you ok?" I ask him trying to get to the truth. He kisses me for at least ten seconds before replying "Yeah I feel much better" I smiled and said "Good! seeing you sad last night broke my heart babe" He didn't say anything he didn't need to he crawled up on top on my stomach so that he was laying directly on me with his hands wrapped around my chest and his legs laid directly on mine his actions spoke for themselves. "I love you so much" I whisper into his ear, he smiles while saying "I love you too"

Charlie's perspective
I cuddled on top of Nick for another hour and remembered he wanted to go to the shops today and buy some new swim shorts I didn't feel like doing anything today but I didn't want Nick to cancel his plans just because he thinks he needs to look after me. I turned my head so it was facing him and poked his face to wake him up. He immediately said "Babe are you ok" I reply "I'm fine I just wanted to remind you that you need to go to the shops today remember" He quickly said "I don't want to go anymore" I knew it he was scared to leave me alone like I was some little kid who needs constant care. "No Nick you should go" he reply's "I don't want to go i'm not going unless you come with me" I sat up and said "I knew it! your scared to leave me alone aren't you" He hesitated then said "No I just" In an agitated tone I responded "Don't lie to me Nicolas" "Don't call me Nicolas" I snapped "Don't lie to me then" He stood up from the couch and said well going to the kitchen to make me a coffee and him a tea like he did every morning "Fine is that so bad of me to want to make sure your ok" I didn't know how to respond to that I know he was just trying to do what's best for me but I need him to trust me, I hate feeling like a burden and that's how I felt right now. "I feel like a burden right now and I will only feel worse if you don't go shopping I promise Nick i'm ok" He stopped what he was doing and picked me up in to his arms "Fine but only because you were honest about your feelings" Telling him how I honestly felt did really help. I held on to his large biceps and rested my head on his shoulder soaking up all his love and comfort before he headed out to go shopping.

Nicks perspective
I left the house to go pick up the flowers although Charlie said he was fine by himself I couldn't risk it so I called Tao to look after him for me well I was gone. Even though I know he will be livid at me for it. I just needed to make sure he was ok if I left and something happened I would never forgive myself I don't know what I would do with myself if I was the reason Charlie got hurt. After I propose to Charlie I need to figure out how to get him help because he's starting to really worry me...

Authors Note
what do you guys think will help Charlie overcome all these set backs :(