Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter 138 Nick hes ok

Charlie's perspective
Nick was laying in my arms still slightly crying I wiped his face with my hand gently touching his soft moist face. "sweetheart it's ok" I said looking into his tear filled eyes. He hesitated as he spoke his breath still stuttering "I thought you were dead" I kissed his head "I'm so sorry" I grabbed a Kleenex from our night stand wiping his face that was soaked with tears had spit all over his lips trailing down his chin along with his nose being runny, I cleaned him up kissing him on the cheek after. He smiled at me so slightly in a weakened manner, like his face was unable to smile more than the bare minimum, he pulled my hair out of my face by tucking it behind my ears, I closed my eyes as he touched my eyelids then my nose and my lips, slowly tracing over my features like he was testing to see if I actually was there. I could hear his teeth chattering, I opened my eyes looking at him, staring back at me in the at most loving way. I placed my hand on his jaw "Love it's ok I promise i'll never scare you again" he looked at me teary eyed "P-promise" I nodded my head reassuring him he smiled for real this time and I couldn't contain myself, I pulled his head closer to mine kissing him passionately. After pulling away I drew my attention to his hands seeing them being clenched in a fist, I took a closer look really paying attention to them, It looked like there was blood but I couldn't quite see, as his sleeves were blocking my vision, he looked at were I was looking and instantly pulled his hands into his sleeves further, hiding them away. "Can I see your hands" I asked gently pulling his sleeve up... he nodded and I continued to pull his sleeves up completely . I took his hand in mine moving his fingers with my other hand out of the way, his knuckles were white from digging into his skin so hard and his palms had deep bloody nail imprints, I gasps as I saw his palms with the four bloody indents, it honestly looked like something from a film, I didn't even know you could possibly press that hard with your nails to make yourself bleed. Nick always did this when his anxiety was bad but never to the extremes of this. "Nick this is really bad let me clean you up" His voice sounded like my grandfather when he spoke his voice was very dry and soar "Can I see your wrists" he asked ever so gently looking down at my sleeves, I realized that I never told him I didn't relapse we were so caught up in the moment, "yeah" I said awkwardly as he pulled up my sleeves looking down at my scarred wrists, little white slashes filling up the space, going in all directions. He hugged me "You didn't" he said into my neck, "I didn't for you Nick, for myself, for us, for Oliver, for Tori I know she would have blamed herself if I relapsed or... worse" I got up and took Nick by his wrist not wanting to touch his easily infect able palms, we went to the kitchen sink and that's when I saw Oliver slowly opening his room so slowly as if scared a bomb would go off if he opened it to fast, "Shit" I muttered remembering he's been here the entire time, this is exactly what Tori was scared of, i've proved everyone's points about me to be true. He carefully walked into the kitchen drawing his attention to what we were doing, he took one look at Nick then instantly asked "Is uncle Nick ok" my heart burned from warmth when I heard him say uncle Nick, he hasn't called him that in a long time. Before me or Nick could answer he ran up and gave me a hug "I love you Charlie, are you, did you," he fumbled on his words not knowing how to get the right ones out, I just hugged him then finally responded with "I'm fine Ollie I just wasn't having a good morning and Nick was really worried" he let go of me and hugged Nick, Nick quickly accepted his offer hugging him back. Oliver looked up at Nick who was much taller saying  "I heard what you were saying and it made me really worried" I kissed him on the head "Oliver i'm so sorry I scared you I didn't mean to I was just struggling and sometimes I struggle" he looked at me amazed at my confidence that I just admitted my struggles out loud, I was like him once very closed off scared to let anyone know my struggles because it made them seem more real, Nick changed that for me and I'm hoping we can help change that for Ollie too, even though we don't have very much time left with him. he nodded and I drew my attention back to Nick I grabbed his hand running them
under the lukewarm water, he winced as the rush of water hit his palms, "You alright love" I asked checking up on him, he nodded while saying "Yeah... but to be honest I didn't even realize that I was pressing that hard" I kissed his forehead cleaning the cuts with rubbing alcohol, immediately towel drying them after, I reached into the the cabinet above the sink where we were standing, grabbing his anxiety meds knowing that this was a time he should take one, him thinking of loosing me caused his separation anxiety to go through the roof, I hated myself for doing this, why did I do this! Nick is having the worst anxiety episode i've ever seen him have and on top of that I worried Oliver, this was all my fault. "Open up" I said to Nick and he did as asked, I placed the pill at the back of his throat then put a glass of water up to his mouth tilting it allowing him to drink from it, to wash the pill down. I placed the glass on the table then pressed my forehead against his "I love you" I said "I love you too baby" he said back, I looked over to Oliver who was on his phone at the table "We need to talk Ollie" I announced, Nick looked at me with a worried expression but I nodded reassuring him it was time to have this difficult conversation.

Authors Note
Do you guys think oliver would be better off with Nick and Charlie or Tori and michael. Next question who do you guys think he will actually end up living with? I originally planned for him to live with a different couple then i'm actually going to do, my mind miraculously changed, tell me what you think! xxx love you, thanks for being patient with me much appreciated 😍😍😍