Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter 151 "Your right, im not ok"

Nicks perspective
My anxiety was starting up again, I have no clue what there going to ask him and how that's going to affect him. Charlie has been pretty closed off about what happened with him and ben previously. If I wasn't there he probably would have told no one about it and that scares me. I'm not in there with him right now and I don't know if I'll be able to get him to open up about it again. He doesn't realize how important is that he tells me because if he doesn't I can't help him through it. I lay my head back closing my eyes for a moment.

Charlie's perspective
I walk down the hall back towards the room Nick is waiting for me in. I can feel my heart pounding. The thoughts going through my head weren't spinning anymore I think whatever ben gave me was starting to fade and I don't know if that's a good thing, I was calm before but I feel the opposite now everything is piling up on me. I can see ben everywhere in my mind, he's all I can think about. I get to the waiting room and Nick is there he's obviously fallen asleep well waiting for me to come back. I tap his shoulder causing him to jerk awake "Sorry" I mumbled, "Don't be sorry you didn't do anything wrong sweetheart let's get home and we can talk ok" as he said that he rubbed his thumb over my cheek, I nodded letting my voice rest. He took my hand and lead me out of the hospital his grip so tight it sort of hurt but I knew it was because he was anxious so I didn't mention it.

I sat in the car Nick sat beside me in the drivers seat, but we weren't moving we were just sitting in the pitch black. I could feel Nicks eyes on me. I knew he wanted to talk to me. I know he wants to know what's going on or what happened but I just can't right now I want to go home and I have a shower fall asleep in his arms and try to forget this horrible night. "Do you want to go home or we can talk about it" he says almost with a shy tone like he's scared of asking me. "I want to go home" I mumble resting my head against the cold window, the rain splashing against it. The cold temperature of the windows glass was good against my head as my head is still pounding from whatever ben gave me plus all the times I was slammed against the wall. I felt myself drift from reality and into a nightmare. The actions of ben kissing me touching me hurting me replayed in my head jerking me awake again, I was safe now with Nick but I didn't feel safe, how was I supposed to feel safe now knowing he's invading my thoughts. "Charlie are you alright did you have a nightmare" Nick asks I continue to look forward "No no I'm fine" I say closing my eyes again.

Nicks perspective
We're home now and Charlie is acting very upset he's trying to hide it I can tell, and it kills me that he feels he has to hide around me. He obviously had some sort of scare or nightmare in the car he's been silent ever since. I unlock the door and he heads into our home instantly going to the bathroom, I follow behind him unsure if he's really in a proper star to be left alone first of all he's on some sort of drug second of all he's hurt and when people that struggle with self harm are hurting there're always going to want to go back to their unhealthy coping mechanisms. He is about to go into the bathroom and I gently place my hand on his shoulder stopping him from entering, he flinches and I quickly withdraw my hand "Charlie we just got home you should relax a bit come lay down with me" I say hoping to convince him. "I'm having a shower" he says bluntly. "Can you just leave the door unlocked I just need to make sure your safe" I say giving his hand a squeeze "Ok" he says emotionless, proceeding to go into the bathroom and shutting the door. I leave our bedroom to make some food but can't, just the thought of him hurting himself makes me sick. I walk back into our bedroom and sit against the bathroom door I need to make sure I'm here for him, he needs me even if he doesn't want to admit it. Charlie has been looked at as weak unstable someone who struggles and that's why he hated when people see him struggle but how can you be strong or brave if you never struggle, I see him for who he is strong brave incredible, he works hard everyday to get better I just wish he knew that his determination doesn't go unnoticed. I see him for him.

He's been in there for an hour and I can't help but let my mind race with a million and one scenarios. I cracked the door open and steam hit my face in a hot rush. He must have the water really warm. The mirror is completely fogged up you can't see anything. we have a really big shower in our bathroom. The glass door is completely fogged up as well. I walk up to the door of the shower, pressing my hand against it feeling the condensation. I open the door. Charlie is in the corner of the shower the water not even hitting him. He's so far away from it. His knees are to his head. I undress and step into the shower he looks up to me scared but i'm just as scared looking at his brutality cut up body, I feel the tears roll down my checks as I look at my beautiful boyfriend, the most angelic beautiful soul inside and out. He never deserved any of this. "It's ok love i'm fine" he says seeing me crying, even when he's in pain he's trying to reassure me. "It's not ok Char, we both know it's not ok" I say sitting down beside him running my fingers over his bruised body. "Your right" he says turning his head to face me. He follows up with "I don't think i'm ok" I pull his head into my chest "I know baby but i'll do everything and anything until you are I promise."

Authors Note
Sorry it's been so random with the updates I'm just trying to get better, self harm and life in general is kicking my ass i'm trying I promise. I love you all seriously sm your comments help me get through the day i alway read and look back at them!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️