Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Six Intrusive Thoughts

Nicks perspective
Charlie was lying on top of me and had fallen asleep he was adorable even though he was drooling on me. I kissed him on his head, then started to play with his hair, whenever I got anxious my hand always darted over to his head and started messing with his hair. It calmed me down. I don't know why I felt this way sometimes, I knew these thoughts I was having weren't true, but they still always found a way into my head. In high school I felt ashamed of myself for not helping Charlie when he was getting bullied, I still feel
so ashamed. I felt useless when I couldn't come out to my friends, I don't even now why I was so scared. Maybe if I had come out to the school after our first kiss Charlie and Toa wouldn't have had to deal with Harry picking on them constantly. Now i'm his boyfriend and we've been together for 6 years, and I can make up for all those years of being a useless nob. I made a promise with myself to never worry him about any problems I have because he already goes through hell with his OCD, ED, and anxiety. I hate seeing him sad or anxious in the first place , but then to unload my problems on him he doesn't need that, plus my problems are tiny compared to his.

The next morning....

Charlie's perspective
The light shone through our bedroom window waking me up I reached over Nick and grabbed my phone off the night stand and looked at the time, it was 9am. I quietly got out of bed and kissed Nick before leaving the bedroom, he was the cutest human alive.  I called Sahar and said "Hey Sahar do think we could meet up for coffee this morning?" "yea of course" she replied. We worked out the details and decided to meet at Waves Coffee House. To be honest I never really went anywhere without Nick except for work. I went into our closet and grabbed his favourite Blue adidas jumper, I
don't  know why I felt the urge to wear his hoodie I just did. I scribbled down a note saying:   
Good morning, Sleepyhead I wish I could hug you right now but i'm getting coffee with Sahar and i'll be home in a bit text me if you need anything Love you.
And left the note on the nightstand next to our bed so he could read it when he wakes up. I went down the elevator, got into our car, then drove away.

"hi Sahar" I say before giving her a hug, I held on to her tightly, I really appreciated her coming to meet with me and talk about Nick. I called her because I  knew she would be the best person to help not just because she is a therapist but also because she knew Nick pretty well. Nick had told me that after the paris trip they had pretty much been in every class together and he said he had confided in her a lot. "Hey Charlie let's go sit down" she says as leading me to table, she had already ordered her favourite drink and my favourite drink; gosh was she ever organized. "So tell me what's going on with Nick... you sounded pretty concerned." I took a a deep breath then replied "Well he said that he felt useless unless he was helping me, and ask if  he was even useful to me, I don't know if i'm over reacting but it just seemed off to me and I can't stop worrying about him." I didn't like the fact that Nick felt he needed to be useful to me in some sort of way all the time and I wish he would just let me   in and open up.

Sahar's perspective

We talked for a while and then I asked Charlie what has been going on with Nick he replies saying "Well he said that he felt useless unless he was helping me, and ask if  he was even useful to me, I don't know if i'm over reacting but it just seemed off to me, and I can't stop worrying about him" I don't think Charlie was over reacting at all, I actually thought quite the opposite. When your in a relationship you should never have to feel like you need to be useful to the other person, you should help each other no matter what but you shouldn't feel obligated to be useful all the time. I remember a few years back Nick used to tell me often that he felt ashamed and embarrassed that he never helped Charlie when he was being bullied, I think thats why he feels the need to be useful because of how useless and powerless he felt back in high school and this is how he's coping with it. I responded to Charlie by saying "Ok, I don't think your over reacting, It seems to me that Nick is trying to always stay useful, for a few reasons. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he should stop doing anything he's doing, like helping you when your having an anxiety attack or comforting you when you're not feeling well, but he should be doing it for the reason to help you not to feel useful, and he shouldn't feel useless if he's not constantly helping you when you don't need help, and he needs to let his guard down and let you come inside and confront him." Charlie got up and hugged me so tight, his tiny arms wrapped around my larger body. "Thank you thank you Sahar your so good at reading other people" he says well sitting  back down. "I sure hope so, I do it for a living." I remarked, we both laughed.

Authors Note
Hope you enjoyed todays chapter and thank you for reading it❤️