Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter 124 Party Falshback 4

Nicks perspective
My mom was picking Charlie up on the way to the party since the party is at one of my friends house. I sorta told my mom I liked Charlie I didn't mean to but it just came out thank goodness my Mom is the kindest most supportive mom I could ask for I guess i'm bi, I've liked girls before I've never really liked a boy before well that was until Charlie walked into my life I've been going crazy ever since I met him it drives me crazy that we're not together I want to tell him more than anything it's just a little more complicated than that. I know he's gay but that doesn't mean he likes me what if I put myself out there and he doesn't feel the same it would ruin our friendship but... if he liked me I could be igniting the spark between us, we could have the opportunity to create something beautiful together and I want that more than anything. Everything great is worth the risk.

I stepped into my washroom to comb my hair for the forth time in the last 20 minutes. "Five minutes sweetheart" My mom yelled from down stairs her words bouncing off the walls of my head. I started sweating and my hands were trembling just like earlier when I tried to tell Charlie my feelings, my breath pace was faster and more intense, it felt as if my chest was closing in on me like everything was spinning around me, my vision was obstructed by little black dots and I felt out of control. I stumbled back and when my back hit the wall I slid down it falling to the floor, tears streamed down my face and I didn't even know why I was crying everything felt like it was weighing on me. My ears were ringing a piercing amount I heard my mom open the door and I heard her yell something to me something I couldn't make out.

I looked up to see Charlie standing over me and that's when I understood what my mom was trying to tell me. it's like he was stunned unable and to move until his body just kicked into comfort mode he bent down and put his hand on my back "Nick what's wrong" I lifted my head up to look at him putting my hand over my chest, I could barley make out the words I was breathing so fast "I, I, feel, L, like I, c can't breathe" He grabbed my face with his hands and said "Look at me try and calm down your anxious and your panicking so tell me what you see" I was staring right at him it felt like I was looking into his soul I felt like I knew him better than anyone we felt connected "I see y you, your b blue eyes" I stuttered out well trying to catch a full breath of air but couldn't. His face turned red and he continued "What do you smell" he said calmly making me feel a bit more at ease "I smell my clone and yours" I was feeling better now my breath was regulating. "Last question what are you touching or touching you" I smiled like a kid at a candy store just thinking about Charlie's hands on my face "Your hands" I could breathe again. "How did you know what to do" I asked he looked at his hands and fiddled with them obviously nervous to put him self out there "I get panic attacks sometimes and asking those questions calm me down" The thought of me getting panic attacks didn't bother me that much not close to the amount it bothered me knowing Charlie gets panic attacks. I took his hands in mine "When did they start" he closed his eyes for a second as if the memories were haunting him. "they started erm when I started being afraid to come to school people hated me for no other reason then me being gay and I started reading articles and watching videos on hate crimes and I know what they did wasn't that bad they were just pushing me around and calling me names but it terrified me knowing that they had total control over me and could hurt me if they wanted to"
I can't even fathom what Charlie must have went through and how he can say it wasn't that bad by the sounds of it, it was most definitely bad. "How can you say it wasn't that bad what they did to you is disgusting im going to beat all there asses when we go back to school on Monday they can't hurt my best friend and get away with a slap on the wrist" Charlie went pale and looked frightened "I don't want you to get in fights with them I think it's cute you want to protect me but it's not want I want" of course Charlie doesn't want anyone to get hurt he's just too caring! he finds the good in everyone. "Ok I won't, but change your mind and I won't hesitate" he hugged me, i'm usually the one to hug him, this just solidifies my plan to tell Charlie about my feeling towards him even more.
"Ok boys we need to leave now you better not be playing more video games, we both know Charlie is going to win" My mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs, I laughed and so did Charlie we walked down stairs and my mom winked at me right away after seeing the smile
on my face, I wanted to scream why was she making this so obvious this car ride was going to be worse than I anticipated. I put on my vans and got in the back seat beside Charlie. Right as my mom opened her mouth I wanted her to shut it "So Charlie how is everything how's being on the rugby team Nick gushes about how good you are constantly" I leaned my head back and covered my face with my hands Charlie laughed and answered the question "He does, does he I didn't know that what else does he say about me"  "Ok enough making fun of me you too" I say slightly annoyed at my mom and her huge mouth. The rest of the car ride I talked with Charlie about pretty basic generic stuff and I kept getting distracted by my mom giving me the thumbs up in the rear view mirror. She was so embarrassing. The never ending car ride was over and I couldn't wait to get out of there "Bye Nicky" she said before driving away and Charlie started laughing... a lot "Nicky?" he said in between laughs, I covered my face again "Shut up she's always called me that" He smirked "I'm definitely calling you that from now on" "No your not" I said slightly nudging him.

My hand was on the doorbell as Charlie's soft touch stopped me as he grabbed my wrist "Wait before we go in umm I wanted to ask you if you could stay with me I don't mean to be annoying or anything I just don't know anyone here really besides Elle and Tao and they obviously didn't want me to be here because they didn't even tell me about it and they tell me everything" I cut him off he was getting all worked up about it and I didn't want that to go further  I wanted him to know no I needed him to know hanging out with him wasn't annoying at all it was the complete opposite "Your not annoying at all and of course I want to spend the night with you that's why I invited you" saying that I rang the bell and a small thank you was said from Charlie, if he doesn't feel the same way about me I will be devastated...

Authors Note
The embarrassing part is coming up quick what do you think is going to happen I don't think anyone will guess but you can try!! :))) TAHBKS FOR READING COMMENTING OR  VOTING IT SERIOUSLY MEANS SO MUCH XXX LOVE YOU ALL AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF BECAUSE I AM IM SO SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU ❤️❤️❤️