Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Forty Nine Bad day

TW SELF HARM

(The next day...)

Nicks perspective
"Babe can you pass the orange juice" Charlie reaches in front of him to grab the jug of orange juice that was sitting in front of his plate. "Yup" he says well sliding it to me. When he moved the orange juice jug I realized that his plate was full and he was just moving the food around to make it look like he ate, he hasn't done this in a while so it kinda shocked me a little. "Charlie why aren't you eating today" he shrugged his shoulders and stared at the ground not properly responding to my question. "Char I really get worried when you don't eat breakfast it's not good" he mumbled "sorry" "There's no need for you to say sorry just please please try and eat some more" he then replied "Ok i'm just not hungry" you shouldn't force someone to eat when there not hungry but when there anorexic they need your help so you need to push them a bit harder. "Do want me to feed you or we can share" I say trying to help him feel more comfortable but I could tell he was getting angry.

Charlie's perspective
"I'm Fine I don't need you to treat me like some sick fragile patient" I said angrily to Nick. This morning I woke and knew today was going to be one of those awful days, I felt these intrusive thoughts inside my head wrapping around my neck trying to suffocate me and I didn't know what to do. "I'm not treating you like a patient i'm just trying to be a supportive boyfriend, I just want you to eat" he just didn't get it, I want to eat, I do but I can't without think my life is going to fall to pieces. Today I woke feeling like shit and he will never get it, he will never understand the thoughts and feelings I get when I eat, I know that if I try and eat today the thoughts will be so bad I won't be able to cope. In an agitated tone I said  "You don't GET IT NICK I CANT! SORRY IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH" he responded "Charlie
your everything to me and are more than enough! I know it's hard but can you please try and have some more" I couldn't eat more and his comment was really starting to piss me off he sounded like my mom which drove me mad "STOP ACTING LIKE MY CONTROLLING MOM" I stormed out of the kitchen and went to our bedroom slamming the door shut. I then heard Nick knocking on the door quick after "Char let me in... come on you know I would never force you to eat i'm just trying to help you" I sat there on the floor fighting back tears of anger and regret "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, but can I please be alone right now, I'm angry and I don't want to get angry with you" he stays silent for a few seconds before replying "Ok love, i'll give you some space I love you" I was sitting on the floor against the door "I love you too"

Nicks perspective
Charlie seemed angry and upset and I needed to give him space that's what he asked for no matter how hard it was for me not to just slam myself against the door to its breaking point so I could wrap my arms around him tight and reassure him how incredible he was. I only had two days left until the rings were ready and I know that when I get the rings back I won't be able to keep it a secret so I needed to start preparing for the proposal now. I needed to go talk to the florist because she needed at least one day in advance for custom orders. Charlie is always gushing over how much he loves those custom flowers letters or custom heart arrangements made from flowers so I knew I had to get one for him. I go to our bedroom and test to see if the door is still locked and sadly it was "Char i'm not asking for you to let me in, I just wanted to ask if it was ok if I ran to the store we need groceries, but if you want to talk I can stay" he replied with "just go" I knew he was angry not at me but himself, I wish he was angry at me rather than himself because seeing him being just angry by his existence hurts me more than anything. I locked up the house and left excited to find the perfect flowers for our special moment.

Charlie's perspective
I heard Nick leave and I burst into tears why had I said that to him it was so mean, I was an awful person and an even worse boyfriend I got angry at him all morning just because he wanted me to be safe and healthy i'm horrible GOD I HATE MYSELF why can't I just let people help, why couldn't I just be ok. Tears flooded down my face and I couldn't handle my emotions I went into the kitchen to grab some water when I dropped a glass onto the floor it shattered into many sharp piece, I sat on the floor collecting the pieces, I picked up a large shard and felt the sharp tip. My wrist then started to ache like it was trying to convince me I was worthless and should give into the temptation. I dropped the piece back on the floor resisting the urge but then my mind started filling with these awful thoughts I needed an escape. I picked up the shard and glided it across my wrist my mind was at ease and wasn't focused on the thoughts anymore it was now focused on the relieving pain on my wrist, my mind was fixated on examining the large hash across my wrist with blood starting to drip down my arm and onto the floor I just sat there in shock watching the blood drip.

Authors Note
Self harm is very serious and shouldn't be thought of as a phase or something people do for attention please help your friends or family and even classmates if they need it!! Stay safe everyone and what do you guys think Nick will do when he finds Charlie?? 💗❤️ily and thanks for reading!!!!