Marriage, a Heartstopper Fan-fiction

Chapter Eighty Three Mental Pain

Charlie's perspective
Tao walked over to me and I didn't care what he had to say I wished he would just go home. My body felt like it was limp my head was dazed and it felt like right before you fall asleep, I had zero energy for this right now I just wanted to be left alone by everyone and think about what happened I needed to process it all, alone. He sat down leaving distance between us and said in such a cheerful tone it felt suffocating "Hey Charlie" I ignored him I didn't want to talk to him so maybe if I ignore him he'll just give up and leave. "Charlie come on tell me what happened" I rolled my eyes at the fact that he thought that was going to make me talk why can't anybody just understand I can't express myself right now i'm too upset if I do I'm going to crumble I JUST NEED SOME FUCKING TIME TO PROCESS THIS WHY DIDNT THEY UNDERSTAND. Tao was stubborn and wasn't going to give up that easily "Ok Fine i'm getting the silent treatment I see well I guess this is just a free pass for me to talk about this new movie I watched that was spectacular it's called My Last Summer it's a sapphic film Tara recommend it, so basically.." He rambled on about some movie he watched and I had no problem tuning him out on the other hand ignoring Nick has been extremely difficult it's not that I want to it's just I needed time to understand everything my mom said to me in the kitchen before I talk about it with Nick because I know the first thing he's going to ask me about is what happened in the kitchen I'm just not ready to talk about it, but it doesn't make it easy for me when Nick is so hurt by it.

Nicks perspective
"Elle I don't know what to do look! just look! he won't even tell Tao to shut up its like he has no life left in him what happens if he..." I couldn't finish my sentence because I bursted out crying unable to hold it in. Elle grabbed my hand and lead me to my room so Charlie wouldn't hear me crying, we sat on the floor against my door because there wasn't a lock on it since me and Charlie lived alone. Elle pulled me into her arms and patted my back "What happens if he what?" I looked at her with glistening tears in my eyes "What happens if he's never the same" Elle pulled me back into her tight "Nick shhh no that's not going to happen Charlie will be ok he's just not ok right now but that won't last forever" I cried harder "What happens if it does last forever" she ran her hand through my hair "Nick I promise you, it won't last forever give it some time" She was right but that thought was the only thing I could think of and it just kept coming out of my mouth I've never been more worried about something in my life Charlie was scaring the shit out of me. I just sat there and cried into Elles arms it felt good being able to let go, I can't relie on Charlie right now he needs the support not me. After fifteen more minutes I stopped crying and felt better Elle kept reassuring me that Charlie would be back to normal eventually hopefully sonner than later because i've never felt so distance from him in my life, it's so lonely without him he truly is the shining light of my life. It was getting late and I walked Tao and Elle out "I'm sorry" Tao said well giving me a hug "I really tried he's just crushed he needs time although he may not like his mom all that much he's always valued her opinion so for her to think so little of him is causing him to project his mothers opinion onto himself" Even though Tao news wasn't good news I still felt better understanding now what has happened Tao was good at putting feeling and things into perspective. "Don't be sorry Tao I'm so grateful for you guys coming so thank you so much" They waved goodbye and responded "Anytime" I closed the door to our cold apartment it wasn't physically cold it just felt that way at the moment. The atmosphere needs the spark and love to warm it up to its prior cosy warm self but I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen tonight, I had the thought of sleeping on the couch run through my mind but decided against it he didn't push me off or ask me to go away when I pulled him in tight on the couch to cuddle so I feel like the affection is appreciated even though he's not vocalizing it. I walked over to our living room to see Charlie in the same position as he was hours ago the food untouched which made me unconsciously sigh out of disappointment and empathy towards my poor Fiancé, I can't imagine what she said to him I don't want to even think about it and act irrational. I went into the kitchen and closed the sliding door that separated our living room and kitchen. I breathed slowly trying to calm my constant urge to smother him I kept reminding myself to give him space but this was the hardest thing ever for me I never understood it before but now I do I hate to even address it but it's true I have separation anxiety, thinking of the topic I remembered the pills I had been given I opened our cupboards and grabbed the pill bottle that was untouched and full I twisted the child proof lock off and picked up the small yellow and red capsule, placed it at the back of my mouth and washed it down with some water from the tap. I didn't even care right now about the side affects of the pills like I normally would all I cared about was easing this emptiness I felt in my heart. I opened the fridge and got out the pitcher full of minute maid pink lemonade and four whole kiwis slicing them in half, I slowly slid open our drawers and grabbed a spoon, I placed the plate down on our island along with the pink lemonade I pulled out the barstools and sat down to eat Charlie's comfort meal he eat this exact meal when he was sad disappointed, anxious, scared, or having trouble coping with life, this felt to me the perfect opportunity to eat this it made me feel close to him even though I felt a distance between us more than a thousand miles. I sat there eating the kiwis well my mouth ached and bleed because I was allergic to most fruits like kiwis, but I didn't care this was the only thing I could do to feel mentally close to Charlie, I wished this would all of a sudden give me superpowers to be able to go inside Charlie's head but I knew that would never happen.

It was late now and I've come to the realization Charlie wasn't going to move off the couch so I walked into the living room not even bothering to turn on a lamp for some dime light, I looked at Charlie's and he looked at me still not saying a word with a hurt look cemented on his face, I softly said "You weren't coming to bed were you" he turned his head avoiding eye contact. I could tell my words were hurting him just as much as they hurt me. I leaned over top of him and scooped his body up in my arms carrying him bridal style his head now resting on my chest. As I walked to our bedroom silent tears fell from eyes this was worse than any other cry worse than when i'm crying my eyes out worse than when i'm scream crying, this was the worst pain.

Authors Note
Sorry for not posting yesterday but awhile ago I said on my community tab that sometimes i'll miss a day or so but I try my best to upload everyday SO DONT WORRY IF I MISS A DAY THE STORY WILL GO ON!!! Anyway love you and thanks for voting and commenting that's the best way to show love and support to me as a writer and my story OH AND I KIN CHARLIE SO THATS WHY I SAID HIS COMFORT MEAL IS FOUR KIWIS AND PINK LEMONADE BC THATS MINE OK ANYWAY LOTS OF LOVE -NATASHA M 💗❤️